I feel like Im a bad friend it makes me feel so guilty :(

[PinkRoxy]

I have been feeling really down lately as I have been suffering depression and have been finding it hard to cope with small things and things really get to me. I have been feeling upset all the time and wanting to cry all the time.

I feel like such a bad friend because I cannot seem to bring myself to hang out with them and when I do I don't enjoy it I feel like I am being boring. At the moment one of my really good friends is going through some issues at the moment with her family and finding out she is pregnant. I am usually the one that helps her through things and she tells me everything and I always listen. The thing is is that she tells me things she wont tell anyone else and it feels like she loads all her problems on to me and I would love to help her out and I do try to. But a lot lately I feel like I cant deal with it I end up getting mad at her and then I feel bad that I end up crying over it.

Today she told me that her work was giving her a hard time and so she had to hand in her notice today and now she doesn't know what to do. Me being at the end of my contraceptive pill I am also experiencing the feelings of PMS as well as the depression so this morning all I wanted to do was lie in bed crying.

I felt so guilty not responding to my friend and so I texted her if she wanted to catch up so I can have a chat to her to find out what is going on with her. So I went out this afternoon to visit her and all I wanted to do was spend the day to myself as I was feeling really bad.

The visit went ok I guess but I was just not happy. The point is I really do want to help my friends out and arrange times to spend with them as I love them very much but at times I feel so bad that I dont want to do anything with them or even bring myself to arrange to do something with them.

I dont want to tell them about my depression as I find it embarrassing to do so even though I feel like I need to tell someone but I am seeing my doctor on Wednesday.

Has anyone experience this problem with friends while you have been feeling really bad and depressed? What should I do about this?

Its so bad I feel like saying I dont want to deal with your problems right now but I cant and when I do I feel so bad and want to cry more over it. Its doing my head in.

[Oosh]

The first thing that comes to mind is that's feeling depressed is so much worse if you're alone and isolated so, to me, I think it would be important to try to keep your friendships alive. I know it's hard.
Picture a year from now, you're feeling depressed, but it's been a year since you drifted away from your friends and now you feel lonely and isolated too.
It's much easier to try and keep them alive as best you can so they're there for you n the future.

Seems to be you need to work on lifting your mood. Apart from the pmt is there any particular reason for your depressed mood ?

Keep regular sleep patterns at night. No napping again through day.
Good nutrition.
Some exercise. Preferably 1-2 hrs walking with some inclines.
Swimming, an exercise bike, anything is better than nothing.
Your favourite music. Podcasts of conversation you like about topics you like. Keep your mind occupied.
Music lifts your mood and exercise will flush out the stress hormones from your blood stream leaving you better able to think and in a better mood.

Maybe it would do you good to tell a friend or two you feel down. Maybe just say you're getting bad pmt these days and might need to talk to doc about contraceptive. That way you're not saying you are suffering from depression etc.
then you can say your messed up hormones are just making you moody and sleepy so you feel like crying and sleeping etc
It might feel good for them to be supporting you for a change.
And you will feel you can be yourself a bit more around them knowing they'll think it's hormonal.

If you can't shake it see your gp and maybe get an ad. But I advise you to try the lifestyle changes first. Ad's can just complicate things sometimes.

[Jenwales]

I understand. I have felt rubbbish myself through stress and work triggering my anxiety. But then my boyfriend has had worries etc too and I've found it hard to help him sometimes when I feel terrible myself.

We all need to look after ourselves as well as everyone else. Have a few hours or a day if you can spare it to look after you. Take a break.

If you feel bad about not helping your friend just tell her you are sorry but you have been feeling bad and havn't known how to help her. Then try not to feel guilty no matter what she says. You care otherwiser you woudln't be on here putting a message on here.

Give yourself a break. That's what I've told myself before. We worry about ourselves, then others worries feel like too much. We worry and have anxiety and feel miserable and can't get on with people.

Let it go. http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk/the_book.html

[Daisy Sue]

my gut feeling is saying you should be honest with this particular friend... you only have to divulge what you want, but i do think you should at least tell her that you're going through a bad patch yourself, and you're finding it hard to be supportive when you're so down...

you say she's a good friend, and you certainly sound close, so i'm sure she'd rather hear why you're not being your usual self, than have to imagine what's wrong... and her imagining might well bring her to the wrong conclusion..

i know it's hard saying it out loud for the first time, especially to someone in your life who you've hidden it all from, but be brave. it will help you, her, and your friendship.

[missfishlash]

I think you should tell your friend....when i first had depression I ended up breaking down in front of one of my friends and she said she was so relieved that I had finally spoken to her because she KNEW I wasnt ok already and was worried sick about me
Thats what friends are for hun, to help each other
And as for being embarassed about depression, dont be, its not your fault and people who judge or dont understand arent worth worrying about in my opinion:)

[PinkRoxy]

Thanks everyone. Yeah I have been feeling down since last year and had counselling myself and I feel like I need to just take that down feeling away then I will be alright. I go swimming, I swim lengths and I've been to the beach and go on walks and it is kind of therapeutic but it still doesn't take the feeling away.

I can be distracted around other people and seem ok but it still doesn't take the depression away completely.

When I was younger I have felt down before and usually it goes away when I go out and have some fun then I am fine but this time I still have a low grade depression that I cannot shake right now. I have no idea why I am actually depressed, I mean its summer where I am and on break and have been accepted into the university and starting next month. I'm studying towards my dream job and am happy with that I just have something going on in my brain that seems to get me down lately.

Mum said she has had it and its usually caused by nothing and my sister has had it too. I just feel like I don't feel like doing the things I like doing and that I would rather be dead.

As for my friend I have told her I'm not having such a good day a few times before but I don't really want people to know I am going through it as such. It would give me peace of mind though knowing that she is alright and happy as it does give me anxiety knowing that people I love are sick or are going through a rough time.

I hope I can get it sorted from my doctor on Wednesday