So fed up

[Button1]

I spent all last night worrying, googling ('confirming' I have cancer) prodding myself, going over and over what I've told the doctor, pacing the floor...

I hate being me, I hate living my life, I hate being miserable all the time and waiting to find out that I have cancer. I'm on sertraline and I've had CBT and here I am, back in this same hole.


I don't know what to do and hate missing out on all the good things in my life but I've got no idea how to move forward.


Sorry for the moan, I just can't deal with much more : (

[Annie0904]

Just want to send you hugs :hugs::hugs::hugs: This is so hard to deal with but we have to try to keep positive, we can overcome this I know it may not feel like it at the moment but we can :bighug1:

[Button1]

It just feels so unfair- I had nightmare after nightmare where my husband was telling my son about me because I had died. It's torture.

[Jenwales]

Stop goggling and stop worrying. Yeah I know easier said than done. But here's what you do. Don't go online. Don't come on here. Spend a day if that's all you can manage. Go shopping, go out with friends, go for a walk. Watch a film, have a day of distraction. Engage with life.
You don't know if you have cancer. And even if you do there's no point worrying, those you know they have cancer just make the most of every day. Do that.
Do you have any evidence to support your worries about cancer?
Really? Medical?
Your constant worries are stopping you from living your life. i know I've been there, I've stopped worrying for an instant and then realised my worrying was taking over my life. Not my problems. But my worry.
If we can change our thoughts and our behaviors surely we can change our anxiety.
There's no miracle cure, there's no special pill. There's just us. Finding ways to help ourselves and also on here each other.
I am a sufferer but I don't want to be. I'm no expert. But the years of having anxiety has taught me what I've just told you.
and also http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk/the_book.html
anxiety is just worry
overcoming worry book can help but i wonder if sometimes we spend so much time trying to help ourselves it's just another project and another way of fueling our worry
all the best

[Eek]

I know just how you feel, I feel the same :bighug1:

[Button1]

Because I have to look after my baby every day I really do try and stay as distracted as possible. He's only 6 months old so it's pretty non stop! It's just the worry is always always at the back of my mind. I had a brief episode of rectal bleeding and the doctors found a fissure which they said was responsible for that bleeding as I had been very constipated. I am anaemic as since giving birth I've had longer heavier periods and I haven't been eating very much as I have issues with body image and am uncomfortable with my baby weight. I hate myself for that as starving myself after birth meant I couldn't breastfeed. Once the anxiety set in I stopped eating again. My HA is all about cancer, usually bowel cancer (i have ibs) so the bleeding sent me into a complete tailspin and I haven't been able to believe my doctor that an anal fissure is all I have. Since this started I've become very phobic about going to the toilet at all in case I do have to pass a stool, even though I haven't had bleeding for two weeks and lactulose means it isn't painful anymore. Anyway, I'm rambling now but that's where I'm at. My mind says I have to worry about these things so I'm prepared for the worst but it traps me in this awful downward spiral...