really fed up of this damn health anxiety

[debbsi]

just need to vent my anger at feeling this way, Im sure it will make me feel a bit better.
Ive had HA for years, have my good and bad times. Most recently Ive been obsessing over body sensations that I know full well are brought on by HA as theyre not there when Im distracted, but my mind doesnt seem to understand that. Then my DH had a problem with blurred vision this week, it went away but I kept obsessing over it and made him go to the ED, he then ended up at and emergency eye clinic and they referred him to a TIA clinic!! I work in stroke so I was really panicing then, and even though the doc said it was most likely a silent migraine, Im still worried. Then my son (he's 15) has just been shovelling snow for us and his back now hurts and he often complains of back pain, but the doc said it was vit D defficiency about 18 months ago, but yet every time he says it hurts I panic. I know its a combination of vit D, sitting in rubbish chairs at school and sitting at the pc too long and he doesnt do any back exercises at the gym - oh and hes growing at an unbelievable rate. But yet my stupid mind still worries. ARGGGHHHH. Also Im in my final year at uni, I also work and have loads of assessments coming up so Im worried about that too.
I wish I was normal, I wish my worry dial would just turn itself down, ive had 2 courses of cbt, i dont want meds, ive been referred for a MBCT course. and to top it all off I want to work in mental health!!! Sure ill fit right in lol
Well i dont really feel much better after my rant, will I ever get over worrying. Why do I automatically jump to the worse case scenario, grrrr

[agnes]

Debbsi, you'll be just the sort of person to work in mental health because you'll have some empathy for what others are going through and that's a gift because it won't be straight out of a text book.

I worked in MH for nearly 10 years and people would always remember the practitioners who "knew" what they were going through. My current GP is one of those practitioners...so understanding and empathic.

Wishing you all ther best in your work.

[debbsi]

aww thanks Agnes, I agree, I would really like to mention it in an interview as I think its turning something which I have viewed as a negative to a positive, but not sure I want to, I worry they will not want to employ someone with anxiety - they may think that I wont cope with the job x

[agnes]

Debbsi, I'm all for honesty, as you are, and I wholly agree that the idea of turning a negative into a positive is lovely. Yet I'm not sure that a text book trained practitioner would necessarily agree. But, once you have your job, rest assured that the people you work with will "know" that you've been through it yourself

:hugs:

[debbsi]

yeah thats what i was thinking lol, i work currently in physical medicine and the majority of my colleagues are not very sympathetic to any MH problem, i often hear - they should pull themselves together or get a grip!! Not to the patients faces lol

[alexander_92]

I know exactly how you feel! I'm a uni student too, and the healthy anxiety really hinders my ability to get assignments done and to concentrate. My anxiety has sucked for years (stopped me from going to school!) and now it's more health based. My girlfriend coincidentally has/had the exact same health anxiety that I have. Every week, I convince myself I have a new illness. I even begin to find virtually non existent symptoms which I show to my doctor, but they always tell me i'm fine. I know I am okay really - but anxiety is irrational. Recently, it's been anxiety based around lymph nodes in my neck - should I be able to feel them?! Are they normal?! Stuff like that. Meds didn't help me one iota, and i've recently sworn them off. I reckon therapy is a much better way to help myself, get to the root of the problem, rather than coating over them with pills. So, I'm gonna start therapy soon (when I stop procrastinating - I am a student, after all) but who knows. I think working in mental health would suit someone whose been through anxiety - to REALLY understand something, you have to experience it!

[debbsi]

Hi Alexander thanks for the reply x
Coincidentally I have a uni assessment on Tuesday about psychological therapies!! I just feel angry today about the existence of this awful anxiety, why does it exist and what use is it, I am very much into the belief that mindfulness could be the answer but in order for it to be successful you have to be very focused and put time aside daily to practice. Well time at the moment is mostly spent studying and being an nhs employee, a wife and mother! I really try to be positive but the devil sitting on my shoulder is winning right now, wish I could just flick him off my shoulder and stamp on him lol, best of luck with your uni studies xx

[Sparkle1984]

Sorry to bring up an old thread, but I was searching for MBCT and this thread came up in the results. Debbsi, have you completed the MBCT course? If so, how did you find it? I wanted to do a course like that but I'm having to wait a long time, so yesterday I bought a book about Mindfulness ("A Practical Guide to Finding Peace in a Frantic World") which contains an 8-week course based on MBCT principles. I've already done some mindfulness but I wanted to investigate it more in depth. I'm hoping I'll find it helpful. :)