ecila92
26-01-13, 23:04
After Christmas my health anxiety got really bad, if you look over my posts you'll know. I've gone from a lymphoma scare to ovarian cancer, thyroid cancer, MS, brain tumour.. There's literally been something new every day.
I've been to the doctors countless times asking to have every lump, bump etc checked, have had blood tests done which were okay although recently discovered I'm anaemic which explains quite alot. Doctors smile at me in a patronising way every time I step foot in the surgery and you know they're thinking 'oh not again'.. But if only they could live with health anxiety for a week, they'd be hanging themselves and anyone else for matter..
I'm sick to death of people not taking my symptoms seriously or how emotionally drained I am of this illness. It sucks and none understands.. My work don't like me after multiple times I've had panic attacks and ran to the toilets, crying and wanting to go home. Even the CBT therapist wont allow me back because I discharged myself (stupidly) because I thought I was better.
My family are sick of me, my boyfriend gets annoyed aswell. I'm just so down, I have a lump in my neck, headaches, thinking problems and just had a dark brown stool and I don't know if that's normal or not but I panicked a bit as I linked it to having aneamia. So no doubt tomorrow I'll have a new fear - stomach or bowel cancer.
Sorry about this long post, I'm just so down and I've practically given up on myself. I get to the point when I think "f#ck it, if i die i die". All I've done all day is lie in bed on the internet and I know for a fact I'm doing myself NO favours and I'm letting myself get worse. I probably am. But whenever I try and make an effort something comes in the way of it and I start to worry again.
I know I can get better, I just have no motivation to do anything at the moment. Just wanted to clear my head from everything by writing it all out..
I've been to the doctors countless times asking to have every lump, bump etc checked, have had blood tests done which were okay although recently discovered I'm anaemic which explains quite alot. Doctors smile at me in a patronising way every time I step foot in the surgery and you know they're thinking 'oh not again'.. But if only they could live with health anxiety for a week, they'd be hanging themselves and anyone else for matter..
I'm sick to death of people not taking my symptoms seriously or how emotionally drained I am of this illness. It sucks and none understands.. My work don't like me after multiple times I've had panic attacks and ran to the toilets, crying and wanting to go home. Even the CBT therapist wont allow me back because I discharged myself (stupidly) because I thought I was better.
My family are sick of me, my boyfriend gets annoyed aswell. I'm just so down, I have a lump in my neck, headaches, thinking problems and just had a dark brown stool and I don't know if that's normal or not but I panicked a bit as I linked it to having aneamia. So no doubt tomorrow I'll have a new fear - stomach or bowel cancer.
Sorry about this long post, I'm just so down and I've practically given up on myself. I get to the point when I think "f#ck it, if i die i die". All I've done all day is lie in bed on the internet and I know for a fact I'm doing myself NO favours and I'm letting myself get worse. I probably am. But whenever I try and make an effort something comes in the way of it and I start to worry again.
I know I can get better, I just have no motivation to do anything at the moment. Just wanted to clear my head from everything by writing it all out..