kawaiiprincess
27-01-13, 12:16
I've recently been diagnosed with social anxiety and I also suffer from panic attacks. My doctor prescribed me Citalopram 20mg and I'm on the waiting list for therapy. At the beginning of this month I started a new job in the hope of a fresh start. One week into the job I had to take time off because my anxiety and panic attacks were out of control. This is when I went to my doctor and had an assessment with my local mental health centre for diagnosis.
My anxiety has been with me for a number of years and I find it hard to socialise with people and only leave the house when I really need to go somewhere. I prefer to stay at home because its the only place where I feel safe. When I returned to work I told my boss what was going on and she was quite supportive. It is affecting my job in a big way because I'm making mistakes and can't concentrate for long periods of time. There are 8 people that sit in the office and I don't feel comfortable working amongst them. I get shaky and feel dizzy everyday I'm there. My boss says I don't ask enough questions but that's because I fear people will think I'm stupid. She also said the speed I'm working at is concerning her and I need to work faster whether I like the job or not (she said this in front of my colleagues and I just wanted to cry). I can't help it and I feel utterly hopeless.
Last Friday I had a letter inviting me to a probationary meeting for tomorrow and I'm scared because i haven't even been there a month. I'm not sure what the outcome will be. HR have requested the meeting and said they have a duty of care to support me in my role. I'm going to need time off for my therapy appointments and I have a feeling my manager won't let me have it. I don't know whether I should look for another job because I don't think my current one is working out and because I'm new they can let me go anytime.
My mum is also furious with me and says I have messed up my life. It's not my fault I have this condition and I feel like a total failure. Now I'm having suicidal thoughts because I just can't take it anymore. I would never carry them out but sometimes it feels like the only way to escape my worries.
Sorry for the long post but I needed to get that off my chest :(
My anxiety has been with me for a number of years and I find it hard to socialise with people and only leave the house when I really need to go somewhere. I prefer to stay at home because its the only place where I feel safe. When I returned to work I told my boss what was going on and she was quite supportive. It is affecting my job in a big way because I'm making mistakes and can't concentrate for long periods of time. There are 8 people that sit in the office and I don't feel comfortable working amongst them. I get shaky and feel dizzy everyday I'm there. My boss says I don't ask enough questions but that's because I fear people will think I'm stupid. She also said the speed I'm working at is concerning her and I need to work faster whether I like the job or not (she said this in front of my colleagues and I just wanted to cry). I can't help it and I feel utterly hopeless.
Last Friday I had a letter inviting me to a probationary meeting for tomorrow and I'm scared because i haven't even been there a month. I'm not sure what the outcome will be. HR have requested the meeting and said they have a duty of care to support me in my role. I'm going to need time off for my therapy appointments and I have a feeling my manager won't let me have it. I don't know whether I should look for another job because I don't think my current one is working out and because I'm new they can let me go anytime.
My mum is also furious with me and says I have messed up my life. It's not my fault I have this condition and I feel like a total failure. Now I'm having suicidal thoughts because I just can't take it anymore. I would never carry them out but sometimes it feels like the only way to escape my worries.
Sorry for the long post but I needed to get that off my chest :(