Advice please don't think I can cope with work

[Vegas 2013]

Hi there

I have to go back to work tomorrow and feel panicky everytime I think about it. I have complete brain fog and can't concentrate on things at home so really worried about how to cope. I am struggling with the simplest things. How am I meant to deal with complex tasks like wages and accounts! I want to take more time off but feel under pressure to go, bills to pay, mortgage etc etc plus it's not going to be long before they think im not up to my job at all. The thought of having to go back terrifies me but so does the thought of having to tell my partner that I can't go - he will be worried about me and money and so disappointed that I haven't got it together yet. I feel really alone, I have had this disorder for so long now that I think my partner, friends, work colleagues are starting to be less understanding :weep: Please help!

[Vegas 2013]

really?? no one out there able to help me? I notice lots of replies to most other posts - don't know what im doing wrong here!

[Charlie11]

Hi Vegas. I'm due to bck to work soon too, not tomorrow. Could you do a phase return to work ( which I'm going to do) also could you ask your doc for some diazepam to take edge off the anxiety. My psychiatrists advised me to start to go into work maybe just for a coffee and build it up from there.

[Annie0904]

Hi Sorry I have just seen this post. Did you manage to get to work today? I have to go to a meeting at work on Friday to discuss my phased return which is planned to start 11th February. I am not looking forward to it :(

[Vegas 2013]

Hi Guys

Thanks sorry if I sounded grumpy earlier :blush: I had tried to go to work today went in really early to try to settle in and get some work done before everyone started arriving, however as soon as that happened I couldn't cope and had to go home. Went back to my GP and got signed off for another week. Try again next week I guess, thanks for the advice a phased return is probably a good idea. I was thinking of asking to go in for a couple of days and the take a couple of days hols so the pressure doesn't seem so much. Good luck to you both with your meetings I really do hope that it goes well xx

[Annie0904]

I am hoping that I can start my phased return with just a couple of hours on an afternoon to start with as mornings are the time I feel most anxious.

[Vegas 2013]

same mornings are terrible for me! Do you mind me asking what you do and how long you have been off work for?

[Bill]

Hello Vegas,
I read your message last night but wanted to have a think and also read your other posts to get a better picture before I suggested anything.

When we are in a job that is causing us to be ill, you have to put your wellbeing before the job because there's no point tryng to carry a load that is greater than is humanly possible or more than an individuals limitations. You'll only keep collapsing under the weight until you make changes to ease or reduce your load and I'm sure those at work would prefer to see you get better rather than see you gel ill too otherwise they'll be causing themselves more problems too when you've been made too ill.

When I first read your thread there were three thoughts that came to mind-

Firstly, someone can make a stressful job more bearable by giving themselves things to look forward to after work such as going out socialising, going to the cinema, doing a hobby they really enjoy etc.

Secondly, when things become too much, as others have suggested you can make a phased return to gradually get used to being in the environment. However, the danger will be that as the workload increases, the same things could happen again and you'll end up in a cycle of work and stress-related illness.

The third thing I'd normally suggest is that job satisfaction counts for alot especially when we suffer from anxiety because if we enjoy our job, we look forward to going in and doing our job. The enjoyment aspect stops the job feeling like an ordeal and so we feel much less stressed because we stop dreading going in thinking when will it be time to go home. Less stress means less panic so you don't feel trapped and stops the feelings of wanting to escape.

Regarding the third option, I think anxiety often holds us back because fear traps us. We know the job isn't right for us and it's ruining our health but at the same time we're afraid of making changes by moving to another job because we fear feeling the same there rather than thinking its a job we know we would enjoy. In my experience though, finding that courage to move to a job we really enjoy is the best way to combat anxiety.

However, in your case there is a fourth option because if I'm right, I read you're a manager in a medical practice? Well, firstly, I would have thought you would be in the best possible place because in theory the doctors you're working with should understand and be supportive by offering techniques etc that would help you to cope better. However, if you are a manager, something that I feel is often a common trait with anxiety, is that we think we "should" be able to cope with whatever we're given, we will often say "yes" to anything extra asked of us and we like to feel to feel in total control ourselves meaning we have difficulty trusting others to do what we think we can do best. I'm not saying this is your case but when it is, we just end up with overload.

Therefore, in your position, I would suggest that if there are jobs that a deputy or the team could do for you to ease your load, it would keep you in the workplace and so help you and everyone you work with. It doesn't mean giving huge chunks, putting so much pressure on the others that they could resent it or a reflection on your ability to cope though. It's just a case of adopting better management to help yourself and they should understand you need their support. It would just mean that if say you have three jobs all needing to be done at the same time, you just ask one of your colleagues if they would minding helping out. They should also welcome the opportunity to show off their own capabilities to their boss.

Also, try not to say to yourself you Must complete everything That day. Things can often wait. It's just that often we attempt too much and like everything done at once so end up putting too much pressure on ourselves.

Lastly, I'd say remember to prioritise. Do what can't wait, leave what can and if there's too much to do that needs doing all at once, remember to delegate.

In other words, what is making you ill is too much stress at work so you have to find ways to ease your workload or you will end up too ill to cope. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy because we expect too much of ourselves so remember your limitations and delegate where possible. Don't force yourself to do too much all in one day and remember to give yourself regular breaks.

You have to remember you're only human so only do what you would expect of one of your colleagues and not what you think you should be able to cope with.

Sometimes our personality makes us so intesnse that we feel responsible for everything and everyone. It makes us conscientious but it can also pile the pressure on ourselves.

Hope something in there helps.

[Annie0904]

Bill that is really good advice :)
Vegas I have been off work since last June but initially it was due to an accident where I fractured 2 metatarsals and dislocated a toe. It was taking so long to heal that it increased my anxiety. My foot is still painful but the anxiety is stopping me from working. I have a meeting on Friday to discuss my phased return (I work in a Secondary school).

[unspoken]

Hi Bill. That seems to describe some of my problems at work. I struggle to let other people help with my work because they won't know what I know so I worry they'll do it wrong. The last few months there hasn't been anyone to help out and I've felt more and more overwhelmed.

I'm on my first week signed off, hoping getting sleep and letting go of work will mean I feel calmer about it when I go back.

What normally helps me to deal with anxiety at work is talking to my manager, letting him know if I'm struggling, listening to music in one ear where possible and I also put up a bunch of photos of local parks and animals I've taken on sunny days. I figure that's more helpful than a photo of a tropical paradise that I'm not going to make it to. The photos remind me that there's a world outside of the office. I also find it raise when I go for a walk at lunch time but lately with the snow and bad weather and the lack of staff that have been possible.

[maximus1975]

seems like you have a good plan in place to me i like the pic idea can only help , if your ready the sooner you get back the easier its gunna be but you already no that, i have confidence in you , when you do go back dont go in all guns blazing just work at a steady pace

[Sunshine77]

Vegas I really feel for you, I think the phased return is the best way. I too was due to go back to work this week but I know that whilst I'm still struggling with basic things like supermarket shopping I'm not well enough to go back, so I went back to the docs yesterday & she signed me off for another 2 weeks. I am going to ask whether I can have a phased return too.

Annie like you my anxiety is WAY worse in the mornings. Doc suggested taking my meds before I go to bed instead of in the morning. Have you tried this and did it work? I am concerned that I'll just have a worse night's sleep instead!

Bill you're so right about the enjoyment factor. I was really enjoying my job till the anxiety, panic and depression took over. The job hadn't changed - the only difference was me! I know that I have to remember that and not build the job up into a Big Bad Wolf that I have to face!

[Vegas 2013]

Hello Vegas,
I read your message last night but wanted to have a think and also read your other posts to get a better picture before I suggested anything.

When we are in a job that is causing us to be ill, you have to put your wellbeing before the job because there's no point tryng to carry a load that is greater than is humanly possible or more than an individuals limitations. You'll only keep collapsing under the weight until you make changes to ease or reduce your load and I'm sure those at work would prefer to see you get better rather than see you gel ill too otherwise they'll be causing themselves more problems too when you've been made too ill.

When I first read your thread there were three thoughts that came to mind-

Firstly, someone can make a stressful job more bearable by giving themselves things to look forward to after work such as going out socialising, going to the cinema, doing a hobby they really enjoy etc.

Secondly, when things become too much, as others have suggested you can make a phased return to gradually get used to being in the environment. However, the danger will be that as the workload increases, the same things could happen again and you'll end up in a cycle of work and stress-related illness.

The third thing I'd normally suggest is that job satisfaction counts for alot especially when we suffer from anxiety because if we enjoy our job, we look forward to going in and doing our job. The enjoyment aspect stops the job feeling like an ordeal and so we feel much less stressed because we stop dreading going in thinking when will it be time to go home. Less stress means less panic so you don't feel trapped and stops the feelings of wanting to escape.

Regarding the third option, I think anxiety often holds us back because fear traps us. We know the job isn't right for us and it's ruining our health but at the same time we're afraid of making changes by moving to another job because we fear feeling the same there rather than thinking its a job we know we would enjoy. In my experience though, finding that courage to move to a job we really enjoy is the best way to combat anxiety.

However, in your case there is a fourth option because if I'm right, I read you're a manager in a medical practice? Well, firstly, I would have thought you would be in the best possible place because in theory the doctors you're working with should understand and be supportive by offering techniques etc that would help you to cope better. However, if you are a manager, something that I feel is often a common trait with anxiety, is that we think we "should" be able to cope with whatever we're given, we will often say "yes" to anything extra asked of us and we like to feel to feel in total control ourselves meaning we have difficulty trusting others to do what we think we can do best. I'm not saying this is your case but when it is, we just end up with overload.

Therefore, in your position, I would suggest that if there are jobs that a deputy or the team could do for you to ease your load, it would keep you in the workplace and so help you and everyone you work with. It doesn't mean giving huge chunks, putting so much pressure on the others that they could resent it or a reflection on your ability to cope though. It's just a case of adopting better management to help yourself and they should understand you need their support. It would just mean that if say you have three jobs all needing to be done at the same time, you just ask one of your colleagues if they would minding helping out. They should also welcome the opportunity to show off their own capabilities to their boss.

Also, try not to say to yourself you Must complete everything That day. Things can often wait. It's just that often we attempt too much and like everything done at once so end up putting too much pressure on ourselves.

Lastly, I'd say remember to prioritise. Do what can't wait, leave what can and if there's too much to do that needs doing all at once, remember to delegate.

In other words, what is making you ill is too much stress at work so you have to find ways to ease your workload or you will end up too ill to cope. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy because we expect too much of ourselves so remember your limitations and delegate where possible. Don't force yourself to do too much all in one day and remember to give yourself regular breaks.

You have to remember you're only human so only do what you would expect of one of your colleagues and not what you think you should be able to cope with.

Sometimes our personality makes us so intesnse that we feel responsible for everything and everyone. It makes us conscientious but it can also pile the pressure on ourselves.

Hope something in there helps.

Hi Bill your not my boyfriend by any chance :)?? You seem to have summed me up to a tee (with work anyway) My boyfriend has tried to give me some of the above advice, but quite often think "you don't understand" Yes you would think working with doctors would help and at first it did they were very supportive, but now I think they are getting a bit fed up with the situation. As you said I feel responsible for everything and everyone and my workload has been increasing and I take it on because im terrified they will think I can't cope because of my illness and not because of the workload. I have pretty much been trying to do the job of 3 people and have told them on several occasion that both my staff and I are struggling. It got so bad that I would just sit and look at my workload not having a clue where to start and then cue the panic. Maybe now they will see, hope so anyway. Your advice has prompted me to send an email to my boss today to say that I feel I need a supervisor to help me with the staff and some of my workload. It's an idea I have had for a while but been too scared to put it forward incase it looked bad on me, but it can't carry on the way it is. I worked so hard for my position even completing a part degree in practice management when I was quite ill so I don't want to give it all up without a fight, but more and more I am thinking I might be suited to a different job, but as you say there is the fear that it will still be bad. Im thinking of trying again on Monday and asking if I can work a couple of days and then take a couple of days hols at the end of the week so that it doesn't seem too much. I can't thank you enough for taking the time to give me all of that advice. I guess I have to go tell my boyfriend he was right after all ha ha. I am going to re-read your post and see what else I can take from it thanks again :D

---------- Post added at 13:38 ---------- Previous post was at 13:35 ----------


Bill that is really good advice :)
Vegas I have been off work since last June but initially it was due to an accident where I fractured 2 metatarsals and dislocated a toe. It was taking so long to heal that it increased my anxiety. My foot is still painful but the anxiety is stopping me from working. I have a meeting on Friday to discuss my phased return (I work in a Secondary school).

It's difficult on one hand we need the time, but on the other hand the longer you leave it the worse it makes you feel. Hopefully this will be a good start for you :)

---------- Post added at 13:41 ---------- Previous post was at 13:38 ----------


seems like you have a good plan in place to me i like the pic idea can only help , if your ready the sooner you get back the easier its gunna be but you already no that, i have confidence in you , when you do go back dont go in all guns blazing just work at a steady pace

Thank you I am going to try to approach it differently and just do what I can do :)

---------- Post added at 13:48 ---------- Previous post was at 13:41 ----------


Vegas I really feel for you, I think the phased return is the best way. I too was due to go back to work this week but I know that whilst I'm still struggling with basic things like supermarket shopping I'm not well enough to go back, so I went back to the docs yesterday & she signed me off for another 2 weeks. I am going to ask whether I can have a phased return too.

Annie like you my anxiety is WAY worse in the mornings. Doc suggested taking my meds before I go to bed instead of in the morning. Have you tried this and did it work? I am concerned that I'll just have a worse night's sleep instead!

Bill you're so right about the enjoyment factor. I was really enjoying my job till the anxiety, panic and depression took over. The job hadn't changed - the only difference was me! I know that I have to remember that and not build the job up into a Big Bad Wolf that I have to face!

I felt the same the shopping list would send me into panic because I couldn't focus on a thing. When im at my worst and have to take diazepam I take one before bed and my symptoms aren't so bad in the morning. Mornings I struggle to even speak to someone, yet as the day goes on the more my true personality comes back. Until bed time that it when I start worrying again about the next day. I take pregabalin and take a dose at night and in the morning, my doc says that way I am getting a more consistent supply in my body and before this set back I was feeling a lot better in the mornings :)

[Bill]

Hello Vegas,
your not my boyfriend by any chance :smile:?? I wish!:)

I have pretty much been trying to do the job of 3 people and have told them on several occasion that both my staff and I are struggling.

Then it's totally unacceptable to expect you to cope. It's also totally unreasonable for Yourself to expect that you Should be coping. It's hardly surprising you're struggling so much so how can it be a bad reflection on you for rebelling? See what I mean, we often expect too much of ourselves and are too willing to keep on taking more because we are too conscientious. I guess you could say people can sometimes take advantage because we can't or don't feel we can say no and as a result we end up ill and blame ourselves because we feel we've failed to achieve our own unreasonable expectations.

When you send that email make sure you highlight the fact that you're doing 3 peoples work and they should understand. If they're sensible they'll want to help because they should know if they don't, they'll create a bigger problem for themselves either through making you ill or forcing you to leave.

I'm quite sure you would be very capable with any job you felt you would enjoy that had a reasonable workload. You would probably feel alot better in yourself too but I think what you've been through should also be a learning curve because it's highlighted areas in your nature that you haven't recognised to be aware of such as accepting you're only human so can only do what is humanly possible.

I'd be interested to hear if you have a happy ending because whatever your next move is, I honestly believe that things will improve for you.

By the sounds of things you have a sensible and caring boyfriend so remember to listen to his wisdom even if you think he doesn't understand!:winks:...and if you still don't believe him, you're always welcome to ask me.