Pushing Too Hard

[fran43]

I cant quite find a happy balance between doing things despite the panic they cause. I feel if I dont than things will never slot into place.

I drove my car by myself, went into the supermarket, got a few things and drove home. I arrived home literally shaking and with very tense muscles. I think this unreal feeling is incredibly difficult to deal with. Also I hope I will not meet people I know in the local supermarket.

I really dont want to stand there talking at the moment, I feel I have nothing interesting to say.

Am I pushing myself too hard? Why can I not pat myself on the back for these small achievements, I want to but for some reason am unable.

Take care of yourselves.

Love Fran XXX

[fisher]

hi fran my names joanne i am a member, i suffer from anxiety and its mainly health anxiety, i have just read your article can you tell me what those unreal feelings feel like, i am wondering whether i get them, email me if you would like to get back in touch speak soon

[Insomniac]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote"> Why can I not pat myself on the back for these small achievements, I want to but for some reason am unable.

<div align="right">Originally posted by fran43 - 02 September 2006 : 22:15:20</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Hi Fran,

Sometimes we are our own harshest critic. I am most frustrated with myself when I cannot do things. Or even when I do something but not as fully as I would like to.

We should try to appreciate our achievements, but its not always easy. Especially when there are ups and downs. Don't forget that you have done so much. It will take you time to recuperate properly.

Even trying these things you do now IS an achievement. Getting the job done is even better. Yes, you feel shaky, but u don't give up!

(((HUG)))

Lisa.

[fran43]

Hi Insomniac and Fisher

Insomniac - I appreciate your kind words and really know where you are coming from. Life's ups and downs are hard enough, without added anxiety and PA's. I was at least able to batch cook spag bog and make sure my son's school bad was ready for Tuesday.

I know full well I really want to avoid thinking about Tuesday as I am petrified what the CMHT worker will offer in the way of help. My husband cant weather the storm that much longer.

Fisher -

Feeling unreal is quite difficult for me to explain. I have gathered the tech word for it - personalisation. To me it feels like I am not "here" yet I am. To me, it is one up on PA's, for they are due to a fearful situation(s) Feeling unreal is with me every minute of the day. I believe I will have to eventually accept them as part of my life right now and letting time pass will make them feel less of a threat.

I must admit I have a glass of wine if they eventually get to much. However, I am beginning to think they make them worse as I am less in control.

I dont suffer from healthy anxiety - in fact I think I am the opposite in that every symptom I put down to anxiety. I don't think I will have a heart attack nor faint. I have certainly developed social/driving phobia and I guess I will have to tackle that as well (including recovering from tranquilliser addiction and anorexia).

Take good care of yourselves. Thank you for replying to my post.

Love Fran XXX

[juju]

i think i am wierd cos i actually like the unreal feelings and head rushes.
i feel drunk
lol
julie

we are all stronger people after having this

[Meg]

Fran

* Why can I not pat myself on the back for these small achievements, I want to but for some reason am unable.*

Often its because we feel that these are normal behaviour and things we ought to be able to do but you are soo right that for us right now they do need lots of praise and reward if only to start to retain the brain that it is doing the right thing.

Keep going xx


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

proactiveness, positivity, persistence, perseverance and practice = progress

[fran43]

Thanks Juju and Meg

Juju -

To be honest I don't understand how you like feeling unreal. I would not wish it on my worse enemy. I certainly do not get head rushes from feeling this way so this time I can't relate to your own feelings. For me, if you enjoy them then "reality" is a long way away - I personally dont want ever to feel that way about anxiety issues, I desperately want to feel real and part of the world.

Meg -

Thanks for your post. I know my body and mind have to start getting used to "every day" things/issues that present themselves (whether I like it or not). My theory is is I keep on doing them my brain will accept them as normal (although they do not feel that way by any means at this moment in time).

I guess the hard part is praising/rewarding oneself for doing the things that six months ago posed no problems whatsoever. My husband is supportive but he is far from " well done, you drove, made a list, went to the supermarket shopping on your own etc." I need that from him but as I have said in my posts he is growing weary.

It is sometimes an effort to praise our son for the wonderful (and yes annoying) things he does. Children (as well as adults needs praise). Our son gets that as a matter of course but I am not a child - I ought to be able to praise and reward my own achievements. Pat myself on the back but as of yet I haven't mastered that.

Take good care of yourselves.

Fran XXX

[juju]

fran,
i think that you must of misunderstood me about the depersonalisation.
i do not have head rushes through enjoyment of this my head/adrenalin rushes are a symptom that happens before the unreality.
as for the symptoms themselves i have to tell myself that i like them, because you see i have accepted them and when you accept them and not dwell on them they dont take over your life. and no i wouldnt wish them on my worst enemy either.
and believe me i do live in the reality of anxiety, in fact i am in it now because i can see i do have a future anxiety free because i am positive about my condition as are a lot of people on here.
take care-julie

we are all stronger people after having this

[fran43]

Hi Julie

Then perhaps it is just me. I feel unreal 24/7 so I do not experience of head/adrenaline rushes before anxiety. I feel unreal all the time so there is not let up.

I am working on accepting them rather than pushing them away. I m proud and very pleased you seem to have got some solice of "reality" (as we know it) before unreality takes over and becomes depersonalisaton.

That is what I meant by not understanding head rush as I have unreality 24/7.

Take good care of yourself.

Love Fran XX

[juju]

i sympathise with you then fran, its like you are looking down on yourself and not a part of the world isnt it.
take care
julie

we are all stronger people after having this