When will I be normal again?

[Pigeon]

Hi Everyone
Sorry to bother you all with my problems again. Don't even know why I'm on here writing this - it will just be the same things I've written before.
I've been off work for nearly 4 weeks now after being the kind of person who never was off sick.I'm taking Citalopram - increased from 10 mg to 20 last week but only been on about 4 weeks in total.
Every day seems to be the same. I wake at 4.00 am, try to go back to sleep but can't, so just lie there with randoim depresssing thoughts running through my head.
I get up and dread the day ahead. I just don't feel motivated to do anything, can't be bothered to eat, contact anyone, do any housework, watch TV, nothing seems worth bothering with. I have to make myself do things and even then I'm just getting them over and done with to please my poor husband. Even my family, who I love very much, i don't want to see.
I am worse in the mornings and come round very gradually through the day and by evening I'm a bit better. I'm worried that things wwill never change and I'll be like this forever. It's like I've had a personality transplant and I want my old self back. I've started to see a counsellor but not hopeful it will make a difference. I really want to get better from this depresssion and anxiety. Please someone tell me I will have a normal life agian:wacko::weep:

[PinkRoxy]

awww hun (((hug)))

I am sorry to hear you are still having it tough. How long did the doctor say the medication should start working? Are there others you could try?

I totally understand that this may sound daunting right now but have you thought about changing your routine, maybe go for a walk in the morning to help lift your mood. I know it works for some but not everyone. I have tried exercise and still feel down but I'm not on medication yet.

Its good that you are seeing a counsellor I hope they are able to give you some useful tips to help you overcome this. Also if you really think it might help have you thought about trying to go back to work for a couple of hours or days it may help distract you and then you could lift your mood.

Depression is such a tricky thing I do know as it has been done to me its so much easier to tell someone to do something to help it but really it doesn't help as its usually the last thing you feel like doing.

Do you have any friends that understand what you are going through? Maybe get them to take you out for a bit and do something like go shopping and see if that will help.

If you are really struggling then I its probably a good idea to work in small steps with your counsellor to try things that will help you overcome it.

I have faith that you will overcome it and get your normal life back as right now it just seems really hard for you right now.

I know because its summer over here where I am and Im on break right now which I am usually spending it at the beach with friends swimming everyday, walking and doing alsorts of active fun stuff. But lately I have been sitting around the house and feel like I am unable to contact friends to do anything, any housework or task seems like a major effort to do. I cannot go swimming at the beach I cant bring myself to do that and when I go out I want to be on my own as I feel being around other people is such an effort.

I totally understand how you are feeling hun but I believe you can get through this and I hope you keep going to counselling and keep working through your issues with them as they can help you.

All the best <3

[unspoken]

Hi Pigeon. I have been where you are a few years ago. It took time but I did manage to get my life back. I didn't put it back the way it was before, but I was 21 and my life was in flux.

The citalopram probably won't just suddenly kick in and make you feel totally amazing, it's more of a gradual realisation that you don't feel quite so bad. Not sleeping is horrible, it makes everything worse. Have you tried putting on some background noise like talk radio? I found something like 5live or world service at a volume where I had to concentrate to hear it took my mind off my racing thoughts and I managed to relax and sometimes even sleep.

Be kind to yourself. I know it's a cliche but it's true: take each day as it comes. Try to get outside every day. When you are ill with depression the goal posts are moved: every day little tasks you did without thinking before are achievements. Be proud of yourself for doing the washing up or going outside. Don't think about the longer term, it'll only make you more anxious and feel more hopeless.

You will get better but it won't be over night and you may find that some things change such as the amount of rest you need.

[cattia]

Hi Pigeon. I remember when I had my first episode of major depression. I was 22. I couldn't believe that I could feel so ill. I didn't even realise that it was depression at first because I didn't feel sad, just completely exhausted to the point where I couldn't function and horrible, horrible anxiety. I couldn't sleep or eat. Some days my anxiety was so bad that I couldn't even see straight, my vision went blurry. I had awful flu like symptoms all the time. I had no motivation to do anything, I had to force myself to get up and get dressed. Somehow I kept working through most of it, but I was in a terrible, terrible state.
I was put on SSRIs and the difference after 4 weeks was amazing. It didn't happen overnight, but a bit at a time, I started to feel normal again. The relief was immense.
Since then, I have had a few bouts of major depression and had to go on meds again, although I have been off them now for about 6 years. I find now that I can control it better because I understand it more,and I know when things are getting bad. I have never ever had an episide like that first one, and I think the real reason is that now, no matter how bad I feel, I KNOW that I can and will get back to normal in the end. It will happen for you too, and once it does that gives you a kind of power, that you know you can beat this, and even if it happens again in the future you've beaten it once so you will do so again.