Please help me rationalise

[JaneS]

My problem is that I am driving myself mad about a situation that I don't think even happened, I am creating a scenario out of probably nothing!!!

Let me explain - started a new job in a pharmacy two weeks ago and a customer came in with some medication to return. I don't quite remember whether I took it off him or my colleague who was training me, I am almost certain I didn't do anything at all and that she dealt with it, as I was new, but I don't know. My memory cannot recall the situation at all, probably because I was stressed learning a new role and am very menopausal!! After this I had to watch a video on needlestick injuries (as part of my induction) and as a result am now convincing myself that there were sharps in the returned medication and that I may have been stabbed by a needle and caught a blood borne virus. I don't remember any stab at all or even touching the medication! To put this into perspective, the pharmacy doesn't accept sharps (but that doesn't mean they don't get brought them), I am certain that I did not suffer any needle prick anyway and I am sure it was just tablets that were returned. My mind will not let it drop and because I can't recount anything it's even worse! It's constantly at the back of my mind and hits me like an adrenalin rush every now and again. I really want to remember what happened so that I can review the situation and put it to bed, but I just can't find it in my memory - only a vague recollection of someone bringing something back!!

My husband has threatenend to send me to a psychiatrist if I carry on like this. He keeps telling me that if I had been stabbed with a needle, I would know about it and another member of staff would have reacted. Plus the fact that where we live is not a high risk area.

Does anyone else ever feel like this. Its like a "what if" scenario and keeps going round in my head. The video really freaked me out, I kind of wish I had watched it earlier and would have been in a position of knowledge rather than ignorance.

Why I am beating myself up over something that probably didn't happen (although at the back of my mind, I think it may have done!!). It didn't seem important at the time, only after watching the video has it now become so. I am tempted to talk to my supervisor but I think she will think I am nuts and I will loose the job!!

Have even booked an appointment at the Docs to talk to him about it, although what he will do is anyone's guess? I just feel safer in the knowledge that I am going to see him (again!!) I wish I could break this cycle and get on with my life.

Please help me rationalise - this is consuming me!! :lac:

[nomorepanic]

If it helps when I take medication to the chemist they will not handle it themselves and ask me to empty it one by one into a basket so they can then check it is not on the listed things of items they do not accept so I do not think you accepted needles at all.

[JaneS]

Thanks for your reply, I am sure you are right, I just wish I could remember whether I touched it or not. I am sure if I had been stabbed, I would have felt it. I notice when I cut my hands on files/paper etc.

[Anxious_gal]

Read this http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6023

It's just an thought that's stuck in your head, I think it may be best to ignore it, view it for what it is> a thought, nothing more and nothing less.
I think they more you focus on it the worse it will get, a bit like anxiety really.

Don't tell any one for the time being, except your doctor, family, people you can trust.
Your husband just doesn't understand, it's totally irrational your thinking but anxiety, fear and what not often is just that, irrational.
It's the emotions you attach to the thought, I believe is what can make it worse.
At the moment I guess you have attached a lot of fear/anxiety to the thought you have having.

[Daisy Sue]

this reminds me of me.. sometimes when i've locked the front door and have driven a few minutes away from the house, i get a voice saying 'are you sure you locked the door?'... i know i did, i KNOW i did, but that voice drives me so mad i eventually phone someone at home to ask them to check. and 100% of the time, yes i've locked the door.

those little voices are very annoying, but they're just what ifs.. you know what the reality is, you know if you'd have handled a sharp, or been pricked, you would remember it.

tell the 'what if' to get lost, lol, honestly i'm absolutely sure you have nothing to worry abut.

[JaneS]

You are both so kind to reply. I did go to see the doc tonight and he was really nice about it. He didn't make me feel silly at all and understood exactly where I was coming from. He assured me, as you all have, that if I had suffered a needle prick I would have certainly remembered. He agreed that it is a "what if" scenario and said that it is a type of OCD and if it doesn't go away in a couple of weeks to go back and see him and he can suggest some CBT. He told me I wasn't being ridiculous and suggested I maybe talk to the supervisor in the pharmacy which I did. She was very understanding and pleased that I had spoken to her.