Help/Advice needed

[ManNeedsHelp]

Hello Everyone,

My first post here :)

I'll start by explaining my situation. I've suffered with Anxiety and Depression for a few years now. It started in early 2010, I was signed off work and going out into social situations became difficult. I also started to drink too much, as it felt it was helping, I now know that ultimately this doesn't help, it just makes things worse the next day. Anyway, I returned to work, but have been off multiple times since. I was off for 3 weeks this time last year and have already been off 3 weeks this months, and have been signed off for another 4 weeks. I've been given Citalopram and referred to a counsellor, I've had the first appointment with the Counsellor but been referred to another service, a higher level of service and am waiting for an appointment to come through.

To give you an example of the anxiety I suffer with, Christmas eve I was physically shaking in my own flat of the thought of going to me partners parents house the next day, I think I got about 2 hours sleep.

I am under pressure to return to work because I have a loan with my bank, nearly 10k to pay back as it stands. But I know that if I go back to that job I will end up back in the same situation in weeks, I just cannot do it this time, something has to change. I'm incredibly anxious about everything, what will happen if I dont go back, how I will cope. But I think if I go back I will end up dead.

I cant look past the current situation in order to find other work either. I feel like I have been suppressing these feelings for a long time now and need a lot of help. But I dont know where to turn or what to do.

I dont own a home, I rent a flat with my partner (who is working but on hourly rate so not a lot).

I've never claimed anything from the Government or anything like that so have no clue how it works if I feel I cant go back to my company, which at the moment I feel like there is no way I can - it's an extremely stressful job as it is. Can't see any light at the moment. I'm an intelligent guy with A Levels and a Degree, a bit of a pointless Degree but there you go. I should be in a better job than I am, but have hit a breaking point where part of me doesn't care of the financial consequences, or housing etc, I just need help.

I've not got out of bed the last 4 or 5 days until about 4pm, just feel like I have absolutely no energy.

I hope someone out there can help me if you need any more information then please ask

Thank you :)

[Pinktel]

I think many people on here will have at some point (if not currently) have felt as you feel.

Things will get better for you I am sure and well done for seeking out some therapy, that will help I am sure.

Do you feel it is mostly anxiety or depression that you suffer from?

It's a tricky situation because the one thing you fear (going back to work) could in fact be the one thing that gets you better. You need to find ways to overcome the fear of going to work etc and the main recognised way to do that is by gradual exposure and the brain learning through these exposures that nothing bad happened. Easier said than done, especially with work etc, you can't exactly turn up and sit at your desk having a panic attack asking everyone to bear with you whilst you work through it!!!

It sounds as though you are avoiding going out? Is your partner able to start going out with you each day a little to wait with you until the fear has subsided each time? Little steps like that may help you build your confidence back up, it may be the place to start.

[ManNeedsHelp]

I think many people on here will have at some point (if not currently) have felt as you feel.

Things will get better for you I am sure and well done for seeking out some therapy, that will help I am sure.

Do you feel it is mostly anxiety or depression that you suffer from?

It's a tricky situation because the one thing you fear (going back to work) could in fact be the one thing that gets you better. You need to find ways to overcome the fear of going to work etc and the main recognised way to do that is by gradual exposure and the brain learning through these exposures that nothing bad happened. Easier said than done, especially with work etc, you can't exactly turn up and sit at your desk having a panic attack asking everyone to bear with you whilst you work through it!!!

It sounds as though you are avoiding going out? Is your partner able to start going out with you each day a little to wait with you until the fear has subsided each time? Little steps like that may help you build your confidence back up, it may be the place to start.

Thank you for replying :-)

I would say it's mostly anxiety I suffer from. I detest my job though so much and it does make me worse, but I just can't find a solution that means I won't have to go back there. As if I go back there I can see this happening in a few months as well anyway.

I'm not avoiding going out as such, I do sometimes become anxious but it depends where I am going, if I'm on my own I seem to be okay. I'm also aranoid about being seen by work colleagues whilst I am signed off.

I wish there was a solution where I could re-train to do something else, as the thought of going back to that place (where I first suffered a panic attack) is a real sticking point in my mind.

[ManNeedsHelp]

Nobody else replied :-(

An update. I'm signed off work until next Friday. I have seen a counsellor once so far and to be honest didnt find it particularly helpful. And this week they have cancelled it as she is off sick.

I personally dont feel anywhere near ready to go back to work at the moment, I feel like I need lots of help. I dont think my work will pay me much longer so I am also terrified of the consequences, as I also have an outstanding loan with my bank. Can anyone give any advice on finances if you are long term sick? Or advice of what to do with loans etc?

I'd really appreciate any sort of help

[Sunshine77]

Hi,

I can't help with the finances sorry but just wanted to say that I know how you feel. I've been off since 8th Jan and was due back tomorrow but not ready and just been signed off for another week. My job is also highly stressful and I'm under a lot of pressure to get back but for the first time in my life I am putting myself first.

I'm a lot better than I was though and what's really helped me (apart from the Citalopram) is to push myself out of my comfort zone a bit every day - at first I had difficulty even getting up and getting showered but I forced myself to do something challenging daily - going to the local village, making a scary phone call, cleaning my car, going to the supermarket.

Is your counselling CBT or just general counselling? I've been referred for CBT and hoping it will help with the negative/punishing thinking.

Wish you all the best - keep posting :)

[ManNeedsHelp]

Hi,

I can't help with the finances sorry but just wanted to say that I know how you feel. I've been off since 8th Jan and was due back tomorrow but not ready and just been signed off for another week. My job is also highly stressful and I'm under a lot of pressure to get back but for the first time in my life I am putting myself first.

I'm a lot better than I was though and what's really helped me (apart from the Citalopram) is to push myself out of my comfort zone a bit every day - at first I had difficulty even getting up and getting showered but I forced myself to do something challenging daily - going to the local village, making a scary phone call, cleaning my car, going to the supermarket.

Is your counselling CBT or just general counselling? I've been referred for CBT and hoping it will help with the negative/punishing thinking.

Wish you all the best - keep posting :)

Hello, thank you for replying. It sounds similar to my situation, but I haven't really made any progress. I'm also on citalopram, but have felt no change from that either. My job is also very stressful and I know they won't be at all happy with me being off, but again, I've coped with this for years and got to a point in January where I just couldn't take it anymore so do want to put myself first, but am aware it is affecting my partner and friends too. It's CBT, I've had one session and to be honest I didn't find it particularly helpful. My sleeping pattern is absolutely shot to bits as well, I just cannot sleep at night at all, maybe 2 hours maximum, then I try to stay awake all day but never manage it.

In a dark place right now and feel nobody really understands :weep:

[rcs]

I am in the same position as i have a stressful job and have been off sick for 6 weeks and will probably be resigning in the next month before they really start pressuring me to go back, it is 'catch 22' financial security versus stress which can exacerbate anxiety and depression. Christmas and illness also caused my relapse with GAD which is quite common and i sympathise.
Spring and summer is not far around the corner so it might be time for a fresh start as that is what i am thinking and i am trying to be more positive which is not easy especially when you aren't sleeping well and feeling anxious about going out.
I am trying to reduce my drinking, stopped smoking and some other lifestyle changes which is about time as i am in my 40's.
I don't know if this helps but you aren't alone fella and i hope you feel better soon...
Take care

[amy.x.]

Hi,

i, recently was in a very similar situation to yourself.

I was panicking that much about actually being off work that i did not have chance to get better & return to work (after being pressured indirectly by my employers) and stuck it out for 6 months before i could no longer function and had a nervous breakdown. i then had to resign from my job (of 10 years) after, again, being pressured by employer to either return or resign. On resigning, i became thrown into panic & depression over the future, money, finding another job. i found that if i was to start trying to get well again i needed to give myself time to heal & take small steps.

i am still taking these small steps at this present time... and the uncertainty of my future still throws me into panic and depression but i have had to learn how to push these thoughts to the back of my mind, something which is very difficult for me to do.

regarding finances, i would contact your local Citizens Advice Buerau & ACASS who will be able to provide you with any info you may need.

Your health should take priority, although as i know this is easier said than done.

Hope this helps.

Amy :)

[ManNeedsHelp]

I am in the same position as i have a stressful job and have been off sick for 6 weeks and will probably be resigning in the next month before they really start pressuring me to go back, it is 'catch 22' financial security versus stress which can exacerbate anxiety and depression. Christmas and illness also caused my relapse with GAD which is quite common and i sympathise.
Spring and summer is not far around the corner so it might be time for a fresh start as that is what i am thinking and i am trying to be more positive which is not easy especially when you aren't sleeping well and feeling anxious about going out.
I am trying to reduce my drinking, stopped smoking and some other lifestyle changes which is about time as i am in my 40's.
I don't know if this helps but you aren't alone fella and i hope you feel better soon...
Take care

Thanks for replying :)

I personally dont care about financial security anymore as long as we have a roof over our head and can pay bills. I've never claimed anything from the Government but am considering quitting my job and doing so, because I feel I desperately need time to get better and whilst I have this job looming over me I just cannot get better at all. But my major worry is the loan we have, I have no idea what happens in circumstances like this and also dont know if Government money will be enough as I've never claimed anything.

I'm sat here in tears at the thought of going back to work, I feel so trapped.

---------- Post added at 11:25 ---------- Previous post was at 11:23 ----------


Hi,

i, recently was in a very similar situation to yourself.

I was panicking that much about actually being off work that i did not have chance to get better & return to work (after being pressured indirectly by my employers) and stuck it out for 6 months before i could no longer function and had a nervous breakdown. i then had to resign from my job (of 10 years) after, again, being pressured by employer to either return or resign. On resigning, i became thrown into panic & depression over the future, money, finding another job. i found that if i was to start trying to get well again i needed to give myself time to heal & take small steps.

i am still taking these small steps at this present time... and the uncertainty of my future still throws me into panic and depression but i have had to learn how to push these thoughts to the back of my mind, something which is very difficult for me to do.

regarding finances, i would contact your local Citizens Advice Buerau & ACASS who will be able to provide you with any info you may need.

Your health should take priority, although as i know this is easier said than done.

Hope this helps.

Amy :)

Hi Amy,

thank you for replying. I feel exactly the same as what you said about being off work making you panic, thats exactly how I feel right now. I just want to quit but am so unsure about money etc but cannot face going back, I'm in a terrible state at the moment, just desperate for somebody to help me :weep:

I desperately want my health to take priority, just dont see how it's possible :weep:

[amy.x.]

If you look on the ACASS website & then give them a call they will inform you of your rights, entitlement to any benefits may be.. it will put your mind at ease a little when you know exactly what is was.. it did me.

[ManNeedsHelp]

Thanks Amy, but who are acass? I have searched for them but cant find anybody apart from acas which was about HR excellence? :)

[amy.x.]

Hi if you check out this link http://acas.org.uk/ you will find that this organisation provides advice for employers & employees and is a free service.

Amy