Relationship breaking up

[pauline]

Well I have been with my fella 13 years he's greek i mention that as it kinda explains his behaviour. Long long story but anyway its over he's moving out on Friday when his brother gets back from his hoilday, he has no money to go anywhere else as one of the problems with him is his gambling to the extent that he lost his business and has nothing now all from gambling. So many other things but well no point mentioning them. What i really wanted to know is i am so frighted of being on my own that sounds stupid really as my grown up kids live with me, and have said they will help me all they can. I mean he never helped me with the panics and has not been very supportive at all. But i'm giving myself panic just thinking xxxx your on your own now. Most weekends son stays with girlfriend, daughter stays with boyfriend that leaves the 18 and well he is never in till the early hours. I keep thinking well i wont be able to ring him and what if it gets bad and i'm on my own. I sound like a wimp and i'm not really i could easily make things right with this guy you know begging saying i'm sorry even though i have done nothing wrong but i know that he will never give me what i want and so many people including councellor have said he is only making my anxiety so much worse by bring my self confidence to nothing. All he ever does is say what is wrong with me and my faults. So my sensible part knows i'm doing the right thing but the anxious part thinks what the hell are you doing.

Take care
Pauline

[grace]

hi pauline
i think you know you are doing the right thing. im sure it will be difficult at first, relationships breaking down always are, but you have a good support system,your kids, your councellor and all of us on here.
every day that you get through will make you that much stronger for the next.
try not to focus on what you've lost but on friday being the first day of the new you...
i really hope things work out for you


xxx grace

[sarah]

Hiya Pauline

Im so sorry that you are in this situation.
Ok the sensible part of you knows you are doing the right thing? Well im guessing you should listen to it as we all know how much our panic brain makes us make daft descisions eh?
I remember talking to you before and you saying that he wasnt very supportive. Maybe you can now go and find someone who is the loveliest man you have ever met!!!
Try not to dwell on the fact you will be alone and think on the positives. You will be free to do as you please with no one to nag you. You can take up a new hobby that interests you that you have always longed to do which will aslo keep you busy!!
Most of all be proud of who you are and believe you CAN do it. You have brought up 3 children and despite all the panic you have, you are a lovely person. You can be strong and you can do it. We will be here to support you all the way!!!!
take care
love Sarah
xx

we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)

[seh1980]

Hi Pauline,

Just wanted to wish you the best of luck!! I'm sure it will be difficult at first but it sounds like you will be happier in the long run and that's what matters.
Take care.

Sarah (seh1980)

[jo-jo]

Hi Pauline

Sounds like you are doing the right thing. Whilst it may be really tough now, you will reap the benefits in the long run and who knows, this might even help in your recovery. Plus, your confidence will grow day by day - you have a whole new life ahead of you to look forward to!

Be proud of how strong you have been. We are all here for you so never think that you are alone.

Take care
Love Jo xx

[nomorepanic]

Pauline

Sorry to hear about your break-up but it could be the best thing you did - you never know do you?

Now you must start to look after you and do all the things you want to.

We are always here for you and you can tell us when you need help - people are on here around the clock.

Take care ok and be strong - you can do it!

Nicola

[pauline]

Thanks everyone for your replys

I know inside its the right thing to do. But its so hard and he is dragging his feet about leaving i don't think he thinks i am serious. So we go from day to day either fighting or him making out all is ok and me having to keep on saying it is over you know that?

Because he is still here i keep thinking and hoping all will be ok and he will stop gambling and well you know the happy ever after thing, but well am old enough to know thats not going to happen. When he has gone and his things are not here then i think it will hit me. Even though i know he is no good for me i still love the guy so much. Also i see no future for me. I just feel so sad.

Take care
Pauline

[Lottie32]

Hi Pauline

Sorry to hear about your news.

I'm going to say it like it is now, so if you are feeling fragile, maybe you'd better not read further ......

I've been reading your posts since you first joined and I can honestly say that (and I'm not saying in his own way he wasn't a nice person), but your bloke hasn't exactly been there for you has he (Christmas being a good example).

You come across as a lovely warm and caring person, and I'm sure that you will easily find somebody else to share your life with, when the time is right for you. However, in the mean time, why don't you think about some things that you really want to do, and join a group or a club and do something for you.

I know that you probably won't thank me for saying this right now, and I know that you love your bloke, but you often don't realise how debilitating living with an unsympathetic bloke can be. When I split up from Mad Sofa Through The Window Man, I was gutted. After a month or so, I began to feel three million times better, and suddenly it dawned on me, that although I loved him, he was making me worse.

As you know things aren't going too great for me at the minute. I'm really really trying to look on the bright side though. If I hadn't been forced to leave work, I'd probably still be doing the same shi** job in five years time, cos it was safe and secure. Now I've got a chance to spread my wings and do something I want to do (ok, I know it's not easy - I'm not sure exactly what I want to do, and also, it's blo**y scary too!) but its an opportunity that I wouldn't have given myself.

You still have the rest of your life ahead of you to do with as you wish. We all have choices - it's just that "us sort" have to fight that bit harder for what we want.

Please try not to be too hard on yourself - as my dear gran was fond of saying - everything happens for a reason.

Are you up to travelling yet? What about doing something wild and meeting us at Megs next Saturday (26th June)?

Thinking of you


Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

[pauline]

Hi Charlie

Thanks for a lovely post, i'm not offended at all you told it like it is. I need that right now or I might crack. I find it so hard when someone does nothing but blames you and says its my behaviour as to why they are leaving, but at the end of the day it was me who told him to go but he has turned it around and said he is leaving me.

You are so right what you have said i just cannot see it right now. I was just watching tv and they were showing that the Malvern County show think thats what it is called was on and i thought i love to go to that but Andy would never take me and i'm thinking next time i'll get someone who like's to do some off the things i like and not just what he WANTS TO DO. I'm far from perfect i know that, but when you are having your faults pushed into your face all the tme it just so gets you down. I have read your posts as well and i know that you are having a hard time to.

I would love to come to Megs but i'm not ready yet still fighting on the going away from home thing. But just started CBT so you never know maybe next time.

Take care
Pauline