jayjoe18
29-01-13, 21:10
I had a terrible day yesterday and have felt upset ever since, I don't want to be so negative but I just want some support...
Basically, my mum had arranged to get her hair done by my sister-in-law and wanted me to go up and watch my 1 year old neice and I just couldn't bring myself to go. She had sprung this upon me the night before but in the morning I felt so nervous I couldn't do it. I'm one of these people that likes structure, I need to plan ahead and mentally prepare myself for things if that makes sense? Family visits or any sort of visit where you have to go to someones house for me is the worst, along with appointments etc I think it's the feeling of being trapped. Anyway, if I didn't feel bad enough as it is (and I felt physically unwell at this point having been awake feeling sick with nerves) my mum argued with me and said she was sick of me and that I should just give up living & it's really upset me ever since. I just want to point out I absolutely love my mum and we have the perfect mother/daughter relationship, I know she didn't mean it, it was just in the heat of the moment but it still hurt. She's been my rock for the past 5 years and supported me so much, I couldn't ask for a better mum but I understand it's difficult for her to live with me the way I am. We not only suffer but our friends and family too. I understand this, but the comment has really got to me, I don't actually live, I just exist and my life is being wasted and it makes me feel so suffocated I don't know where to turn anymore, it's like everyone has given up on me because they're sick of hearing it all the time. I just don't know what to do anymore, am I being selfish? All I want is to be happy and normal and enjoy life again with people who are close to me. I just don't know what to do.
Basically, my mum had arranged to get her hair done by my sister-in-law and wanted me to go up and watch my 1 year old neice and I just couldn't bring myself to go. She had sprung this upon me the night before but in the morning I felt so nervous I couldn't do it. I'm one of these people that likes structure, I need to plan ahead and mentally prepare myself for things if that makes sense? Family visits or any sort of visit where you have to go to someones house for me is the worst, along with appointments etc I think it's the feeling of being trapped. Anyway, if I didn't feel bad enough as it is (and I felt physically unwell at this point having been awake feeling sick with nerves) my mum argued with me and said she was sick of me and that I should just give up living & it's really upset me ever since. I just want to point out I absolutely love my mum and we have the perfect mother/daughter relationship, I know she didn't mean it, it was just in the heat of the moment but it still hurt. She's been my rock for the past 5 years and supported me so much, I couldn't ask for a better mum but I understand it's difficult for her to live with me the way I am. We not only suffer but our friends and family too. I understand this, but the comment has really got to me, I don't actually live, I just exist and my life is being wasted and it makes me feel so suffocated I don't know where to turn anymore, it's like everyone has given up on me because they're sick of hearing it all the time. I just don't know what to do anymore, am I being selfish? All I want is to be happy and normal and enjoy life again with people who are close to me. I just don't know what to do.