Regret = Anxiety

[ScheifferB]

I've been battling general anxiety disorder since last summer now. I'm not sure how it was triggered, the doctor believes it's genetic as my mother is a heavy sufferer of anxiety, as well as my sisters and grand mother. But I feel it's to do with performance enhancing drugs in the past.

Anyway, a year ago (and a bit) I foolishly and irresponsibly tried a drug once on a night out, it was almost as if I took it so that I wouldn't do it again, which is a slightly strange ethos, but it certainly worked. Months later I thought nothing of it, it never phased me...but since my anxiety went terrible last summer I started over thinking everything, ABSOLUTELY everything, including that stupid night where I tried a drug, I grit my teeth with anger, I get an annoying anxiety I just feel like washing my brain.. can anybody explain what this is? Obsessing on the thought of taking a drug, I feel disgusted with myself, I've never been the type of guy to be associated with that... I just want to face my demons, and shed some light on what this is?

Thanks guys,

- Scheif

[CelticZebra]

This is a thought, nothing more. the anxiety is causing you to replay it over and over to make you feel bad. Try to let it go, you have not caused this by taking a drug one time.
Good luck :hugs:

[jill]

Hi hun :D:hugs:

:welcome: to the site.

It is dame hard knowing and understanding where are anxiety come from.

I am no expert, but I do believe that genetics can play apart.

I cannot answer why your anxiety has happened, but what I can see clear is the pathway which it has taken.

When we are acute we look for answers, our responses are so quick and fast we need reasons and we need theM NOW, but what we are yet to understand that if we find an answer, eg ( you suggesting drug taking ) because we are acute we MAY just OVER react and our anxiety mind goes into overdrive and has us beating ourselves up on what we have done, because we are acute we find it dame hard to reassure ourselves and the more we think about it, the worse we beat ourselves up,

When we are acute we can put 2 and 2 together and come up with 5 so what we THINK its our answer and what we are beating ourselves up about, is not always the reason why we have anxiety.
You know full well that taking drugs is wrong :yesyes: WELL DONE, you should be sooooo proud of yourself :hugs::yesyes:

Anxiety can be a vicious circle, a roundabout, which we find dame hard to get off.

You have anxiety right now, my heart goes out to you :hugs:

Ohhhhh but hun, PLEASE STOP being sooo hard on yourself. learn all you can about anxiety and this WILL help you move forward a little. Learn how to challenge your thoughts, is not easy, but with time and the right support, it can be done.

Please take time to read through this great site, it has lots of info,
eg, self help, first steps, how to cope, which is on the left hand side.

Your not alone in how you feel, there are lots of nice people here who understand what you are going through.

TAKE CARE

LOVE JILL XX

[unspoken]

Hi Scheif. Your mind is over active when you're anxious and your self confidence gets so low that you are looking for things to beat yourself up about. I remember when the anxiety was really bad and I stopped working I went through a time of extreme guilt and regret, for things that I did many years before that were fairly insignificant. I couldn't understand why I'd never felt this guilt before. The guilt was crushing and I couldn't do anything.

Gradually as I began to do more to keep myself occupied and got to sleeping better the guilt did ease off.

I have a similar regret to you about a night that I got really drunk and tried smoking. My acid reflux was really bad after that and in some way I blame myself for that. Your thoughts are irrational. You've done something which you know wasnt a good idea but you've come out alive. These feelings of guilt will go away. You only did something human but your thoughts are out of perspective. As the anxiety eases these thoughts should ease too. In the meantime you can try to distract yourself.

[Arnie365]

Hi Scheiffer Ive been in the same place as you. My health anxiety was kicked off 9 months ago by smoking a legal high and Ive never really done drugs before. I had a major panic attack which i mistook for a heart attack as all the signs were the same. Its taken me months to accept that my heart is ok and I have anxiety. Ive beaten myself up about smoking it many many times over the months. If only I hadnt smoked it none of this would have happened to me. Well thats wrong. Smoking a legal high hasnt created anxiety in me. Its been with me a while probably since childhood now i look back i just never recognised it for what it was back then. Having that panic attack was just the catalyst to bring my anxiety to the surface.

Blaming yourself for things that have happened in the past are not going to do any help in the future. All we can do is learn from our mistakes and accept its part of life and living that we will mess up at times.

[ScheifferB]

Wow thanks for the response guys I really really appreciate it!

It's so comforting and warming to know that there are so many others going through exactly the same as what I'm dealing with. I feel now that being a member of this forum board that I can understand my anxiety a lot better knowing that I have like minded people surrounding me.

@Jill, thank you very much for your response it definitely shot a dose of positiveness into me, it's given me something to think on that isn't so negative for a change!

and to everyone else, thanks for sharing your similar experiences. Anxiety is a horrible monster but I guess it's only a monster if you make it that way, each day can only get better :)

thank you