sunshine8
31-01-13, 09:15
Where to start?! Ok…. I’m 32 married with 2 small children. I have suffered with anxiety all my life, ever since I can remember. My mum died when I was 12 from a brain tumor, as a result of the tumor she also suffered with epilepsy along with other things. I can remember as a child living every day in constant fear of her having a fit and me being on my own with her sometimes in unfamiler places. Sometimes I used to think she was dying. I was trained to deal with her when she had a fit but it was never really explained to me what was happening or was I asked how I felt. To me my whole childhood was affected by her illness and I had to grow up very fast. Much time spent at doctors and hospitals. 20 years on and the feeling of panic is constantly with me in everything I do, everywhere I go. I’m physically and mentally tired and I want it to stop but I don’t know how? I don’t have attacks as such but a constant high level of panic and fear. I continue everyday life because I have to. I struggle.
Since about the age of 16 I have suffered with stomach problems and almost constantly have an upset stomach. I have had numerous tests and nothing has been found. Doctor suggests stress related IBS. When I wake up in the morning there is a second when I feel ok and then the panic hits, I have to rush to the loo because my stomach is in knots. I think it happens because my body is soo tense all day and when I sleep it relaxes.
I have been to the doctors about how I have felt and have not been diagnosed with anything inparticular. I have been given Sertrailne an anti depressant which I have struggled several times to take. I’m only on 25mg but it heightens my anxiety to the point my insides feel like they are on fire, I also feel nauseous which I struggle to cope with. I also have a fear of being sick and losing control myself, this I think also stems from seeing mum unwell. That’s my biggest fear every morning I wake up and think today is the day, I feel sick and I’m gonna be. I start planning how I can get away from work if I need to if the anxiety doesn’t settle and it usually does. This is now affecting me soo bad that I don’t eat all day whilst in work. It’s my way of controlling it. If I don’t eat I can’t be sick I tell myself. I’m also addicted to cough sweets which I know is no good and will contribute to my stomach problems.
My dad is an anxious person and a worrier. My husband doesn’t understand and his attutide is just get on with things and be happy. From the outside my life looks good but inside I feel horrible.
On a different note I have had marriage problems over the last few years. I have been with my husband since I was 13 and have had no other relationship until recently to my ashame I had an affair for almost 2 years. I’m not a bad person and I wasn’t looking for this, it just happened. This has recently ended. I found someone who is amazing and who I love very much. And for once in my life, when I was with him this hell I feel vanished.
I don’t know why I couldn’t end my marriage for this other guy. I just can’t let go of things. Scared I will feel like I did when mum died. Scared my children will feel like I did when she died if our marriage ended. So I have been in the same house, same relationship and same job all my life. I don’t know what part of my life to tackle first, I want to feel well but it’s a vicous cycle. Since meeting this other guy I know there is a big world out there and I want to enjoy it. I feel I have soo much I want to do and soo much more inside me. I have to get well not just for me but for my children.
Sorry if the above is abit jumbled, just wrote it as it came.
I just don’t know where to go from here?! Please help me if you can, thank you x
Since about the age of 16 I have suffered with stomach problems and almost constantly have an upset stomach. I have had numerous tests and nothing has been found. Doctor suggests stress related IBS. When I wake up in the morning there is a second when I feel ok and then the panic hits, I have to rush to the loo because my stomach is in knots. I think it happens because my body is soo tense all day and when I sleep it relaxes.
I have been to the doctors about how I have felt and have not been diagnosed with anything inparticular. I have been given Sertrailne an anti depressant which I have struggled several times to take. I’m only on 25mg but it heightens my anxiety to the point my insides feel like they are on fire, I also feel nauseous which I struggle to cope with. I also have a fear of being sick and losing control myself, this I think also stems from seeing mum unwell. That’s my biggest fear every morning I wake up and think today is the day, I feel sick and I’m gonna be. I start planning how I can get away from work if I need to if the anxiety doesn’t settle and it usually does. This is now affecting me soo bad that I don’t eat all day whilst in work. It’s my way of controlling it. If I don’t eat I can’t be sick I tell myself. I’m also addicted to cough sweets which I know is no good and will contribute to my stomach problems.
My dad is an anxious person and a worrier. My husband doesn’t understand and his attutide is just get on with things and be happy. From the outside my life looks good but inside I feel horrible.
On a different note I have had marriage problems over the last few years. I have been with my husband since I was 13 and have had no other relationship until recently to my ashame I had an affair for almost 2 years. I’m not a bad person and I wasn’t looking for this, it just happened. This has recently ended. I found someone who is amazing and who I love very much. And for once in my life, when I was with him this hell I feel vanished.
I don’t know why I couldn’t end my marriage for this other guy. I just can’t let go of things. Scared I will feel like I did when mum died. Scared my children will feel like I did when she died if our marriage ended. So I have been in the same house, same relationship and same job all my life. I don’t know what part of my life to tackle first, I want to feel well but it’s a vicous cycle. Since meeting this other guy I know there is a big world out there and I want to enjoy it. I feel I have soo much I want to do and soo much more inside me. I have to get well not just for me but for my children.
Sorry if the above is abit jumbled, just wrote it as it came.
I just don’t know where to go from here?! Please help me if you can, thank you x