Illyria
31-01-13, 16:59
Hello and thanks to you who clicked on this.
I have severe panic attacks that started a year before I graduated high school. Before Id leave for school, I made sure to eat something even though I felt extremely nauseous and unwell in the opposite side of the digestive tract. I drove to school alone, usually losing my breakfast at some point during the drive because I was so nervous. After calming down a bit, I felt more comfortable going to class..until I got in the class. I really don't understand why I was afraid, I'm not afraid of people or the work but as soon as the bell rang and my teacher started talking, I felt trapped. My heart would ache and start racing, I`d get more scared with the racing thoughts, dizzy, felt like I couldn't breathe properly, my eyes felt like I had been staring at a computer for hours, everything began feeling dreamy, I felt the beginnings of fainting and my right side would go numb. I'd run out of class not knowing where to go, so I just would go to the bathroom and hope it went away. I never wanted people to know there was something wrong with me, partly because I didn't know what the heck was happening to me and partly because I was so busy. I had a full schedule and was the yearbook editor so I was always directing people and getting events covered. I felt I was too busy to have anything wrong with me. I had these attacks EVERY day at school, and before.
Finally I saw the doctor because I thought there was something deadly happening, but he diagnosed me with a panic disorder. I've been on fluoxetine, but had suicidal thoughts (which made the anxiety worse) so I stopped. I've been on little spurts of ativan, which do help but make me feel drunk. I am not interested in taking drugs because there's always side effects, but after learning that a fall I had taken was the cause of my severe panic attacks I don't know the choice I have. I was told I had done some damage to a part of the brain that deals with focus. Basically, I over focus now.
Right now I am taking a natural supplement as well as vitamins. I have Lorazepam as backup and am taking an online course to further my education. However, I've not gone out a lot because I know that I will have a panic attack and I'm so sick of trying to deal when it never works out for me.
Anxiety isn't really heard of where I live, so people don't understand how to talk to me, or how it works. From my friends I usually get, "oh that sucks, but I'm sure you can handle it." Or worse, "get over it." I feel so helpless and isolated because I cannot do the things that normal people my age do. I should be out doing stupid things, chasing love and having a good time..and I'm afraid of what im becoming.
If anyone else feels similar, I'd love to hear from you.
I have severe panic attacks that started a year before I graduated high school. Before Id leave for school, I made sure to eat something even though I felt extremely nauseous and unwell in the opposite side of the digestive tract. I drove to school alone, usually losing my breakfast at some point during the drive because I was so nervous. After calming down a bit, I felt more comfortable going to class..until I got in the class. I really don't understand why I was afraid, I'm not afraid of people or the work but as soon as the bell rang and my teacher started talking, I felt trapped. My heart would ache and start racing, I`d get more scared with the racing thoughts, dizzy, felt like I couldn't breathe properly, my eyes felt like I had been staring at a computer for hours, everything began feeling dreamy, I felt the beginnings of fainting and my right side would go numb. I'd run out of class not knowing where to go, so I just would go to the bathroom and hope it went away. I never wanted people to know there was something wrong with me, partly because I didn't know what the heck was happening to me and partly because I was so busy. I had a full schedule and was the yearbook editor so I was always directing people and getting events covered. I felt I was too busy to have anything wrong with me. I had these attacks EVERY day at school, and before.
Finally I saw the doctor because I thought there was something deadly happening, but he diagnosed me with a panic disorder. I've been on fluoxetine, but had suicidal thoughts (which made the anxiety worse) so I stopped. I've been on little spurts of ativan, which do help but make me feel drunk. I am not interested in taking drugs because there's always side effects, but after learning that a fall I had taken was the cause of my severe panic attacks I don't know the choice I have. I was told I had done some damage to a part of the brain that deals with focus. Basically, I over focus now.
Right now I am taking a natural supplement as well as vitamins. I have Lorazepam as backup and am taking an online course to further my education. However, I've not gone out a lot because I know that I will have a panic attack and I'm so sick of trying to deal when it never works out for me.
Anxiety isn't really heard of where I live, so people don't understand how to talk to me, or how it works. From my friends I usually get, "oh that sucks, but I'm sure you can handle it." Or worse, "get over it." I feel so helpless and isolated because I cannot do the things that normal people my age do. I should be out doing stupid things, chasing love and having a good time..and I'm afraid of what im becoming.
If anyone else feels similar, I'd love to hear from you.