coping with a horrific loss

[James_P]

Hi everyone, my first post here. My mum was killed in a car accident just before christmas, on my birthday! (the accident was a week before, but she died later of her injuries). Im struggling real bad with my anxiety and depression, i have finally conceded to going on antidepressants (sertraline) which i start Monday, but im scared that i will not be able to handle the side affects and attempt suicide. I havent drank for 2 years which i really struggle with aswell because i have to sit with my feelings 24/7. Im an alcoholic so not drinking is not a choice really!

Im really struggling to leave the house, I play drums for a living and im expected to start gigging again in a few weeks, and because im scared of letting people down i will probably be pushed into things too quickly.

I dont really know what my question is! i just dont wanna die, but i feel like im being walked down this path by my obsessive/addict/anxious mind, whilst i consciously witness it all.

Also the man that killed my mum is still alive, which hurts me, and makes me wonder what im gonna do when he gets out of jail!

Any way if youve got this far thanks for reading, spose i just needed to write something.

James

[Bluebelle]

James honey-I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your mum.

I am sending you big hugs and lots of love all the way from chilly cold Canada.

[shaka]

James My thoughts are with you. I too am sending you love hugs,

[nomorepanic]

I am so sorry to read this James - no wonder you are devastated and so down.

Please do see your doctor and ask about some form of bereavement counselling which could help.

Please try not to drink again even though this must really make you want to.

We are here to help and support you through this all we can

[James_P]

Thanks for the replies, yeah i know drinking is not an option, but it is indeed hard, trying to take it one day at a time!

[Daisy Sue]

i'm so sorry, what a horrific and shocking thing for you to deal with. i don't know what to say, just hang on in there... i'm not sure that 'time is a great healer' is really all that true, but what it does do is give you chance to accept, and calm down the initial emotional crisis feelings..

we're here for you James, so is your doctor, and like Nicola said, counselling may be a really good idea right now...

[ammiemum]

i am so sorry for your very sad loss and pray that you will find comfort. As Nichola says bereavement counselling can be very helpful, any sort of counselling/ therapy to support you through this hard time will probably help a lot. well done with not drinking. it is a great achievement.

[CelticZebra]

How awful for you :hugs:
I really don't know what to say.
Bereavement counselling seems like a good idea.
Very well done for not having a drink, I believe this makes you a strong person for not succumbing to the addiction.
Hope the meds give you a bit of breathing space.
:hugs:

[Magic]

James,
I am so sorry for your loss. Keep going:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[flossie]

I am so sorry James to hear of your loss.
Keep going to your GP as much as you feel the need at this awful time. It is what they are there for. It will also be the best way of getting them to find you the help you need to get through at the moment. We go through so many emotions at a time like this that it would might help you to get it all out of your system with someone who is distanced from the family and who won't judge you.
Do you have a branch of CRUSE near you that you would consider accepting support from? http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/index.html

Keep in touch with us.

[Edie]

James, I'm so sorry for your loss.

This is going to be a very difficult time for you. You are doing amazingly well to still not be drinking.

Do keep checking in with your GP if you have side effects from the antidepressants. You can get an emergency appointment if you need to see a doctor same day, and if you feel you are in immediate danger you can call an ambulance. Do whatever you need to keep yourself safe.

Do you think that gigging would be good for you? It may be a good thing to get out of the house and have something else to think about sometimes. If you feel it's too soon, you need to tell people ASAP so they can make alternative arrangements. If you need more time, then it's allowed.

Do consider the bereavement counselling. And accept any support offered to you by friends and family. For example, if you want some support to get out of the house, perhaps ask a friend if they can go for a coffee with you, or a walk round the block. People are often willing to help if you give them a specific task.

[Lissa101]

Hi James, I can't really think of anything to say that will help apart from you'll find support on here 24/7, whenever you need it. You've already been incredibly strong to get through the past weeks without drinking. I've lost people before and I think that grief is forever - but it gets easier to deal with. Don't ever let people make you feel that you should be 'back to normal' before you're ready.

Take your time and take care of yourself - you still have a lot of life to live xxx

[BobbyDog]

To have the most precious thing in the world to you just snatched away like that is not something most of us can comprehend.

You are incredibly strong, seeking help has proved this. Not drinking is the most difficult thing in the world to an alcoholic, I know this first hand. It would be easy to reach for the bottle and hide behind it. But when you wake up in the morning the pain is still there. Make sure you talk about your feelings with other family members, doctor and friends.

take care James.x

[Kimberley456]

Hi James so sorry to hear about your loss if you do start feeling like you want to die think of all the good and happy times you had with your mam hope you feel better soon :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[James_P]

thanks for all the kind messages, yes its hard not drinking but the anxiety when i drank was ALOT worse than even now in this situation. Im 25 so its hard from a social point of view, but ill get through, thanks, James.

[Granny Primark]

What a terrible tradegy.
My heart goes out to you.:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Annie0904]

James I can't say anything that others have not already said so just want to say, my heart goes out to you, bless you, you have gone through so much, big hug :bighug1:

[Sparkle1984]

It must be terrible to lose one of your parents at such a young age. Sending hugs :hugs:

[Katey]

James, I really feel for you. You must be having such a tough time but you must hang in there and things will get better.

I also lost my mum but under different circumstances and quite a few years ago. Only recently have I sought help for my anxiety and depression. I was on sertraline up until yesterday when me doctor switched me to mirtazipine as the sertraline was not helping me. That doesn't mean it will not work for you though as meds effect everyone differently and it's a case of finding the right one for you.

I did drink on sertraline without any real issues but it will give you an awful hangover the next day if you go overboard.

Please hang in there James and keep in contact with you doctor, if the sertraline doesn't help you then another med will. Also I think counselling would be very beneficial for you, so you should ask your doctor to refer you for that.