More health anxiety...

[kittyj]

So, last year sucked. My mum was in and out of hospital after suffering from multiple strokes, my uncle died and I had my 7 year old cat put down due to renal failure (suspected lymphoma). And I fell to pieces.

After having successfully given up alcohol for over a month at the end of 2011, 2012 saw me boozing bigger and more often than before. On new year's day I woke up with a stonker of a hangover and vowed not to drink again for a while, at least until I can get a proper handle on my feelings, learn how to cope without it etc.

But now health anxiety has reared it's ugly head. Right before I made the decision to give up the booze again I was having worrying thoughts about throat cancer, liver problems etc. basically just anxious about the damage alcohol might be doing to me. Is it a coincidence that I started feeling like I had something stuck at the back of my throat? I spent the whole of January with this feeling, mostly located on left hand side like something trapped in behind my tonsil. Went to dr, had blood tests for thyroid (all fine), neck ultrasound, checking thyroid mainly (nothing untoward), started brushing teeth and tongue meticulously (I had a bad habit of only doing it in the morning and sometimes missing days) and gargling with salt water and checking my throat. At the weekend I realised that my left tonsil is much larger than my right (which is barely visible). At least I think it's a tonsil. It also looked like there was something white squished and trapped in there. Aha, dr google says a tonsil stone but he also says one large tonsil could be lymphoma so I guess you know where I'm going with this....

I did have a poke around to see if I could dislodge anything but no joy and the lump (tonsil) feels quite hard. I've possibly made it worse with all the prodding. I can't feel anything on the other side.

I am driving myself and my significant other mad. I have another dr appt on Friday but I'm also considering paying for an ENT consultation with Bupa.

I can't stop thinking that this is it. I know it's not rational, but when my wee cat was showing illness I kept worrying she might be dying and telling myself not to think the worst but then the worst happened and I was devastated.

I've always suffered with anxiety and depression issues but lately life just seems so bland and I have so little motivation to improve things for myself. It's affecting everything, especially work.

I'm not sure what I'm expecting from this post but it seemed like a good place to dump my worries.

[TotallyBonkers]

hi kitty

It is no wonder you are suffering at the moment hun with all the problems you have experienced over the past year. It seems as though you have had a lot to face and go through, and now it is finally catching up on you.

Good on you for cutting back drinking, that is a huge and positive step to make, especially when you feel down, as alcohol may make you feel better in the short term, but it doesn't in the long run as you still have the "demons" to face long after the drink has gone.

I think from what you have said that what you are describing are classic anxiety symptoms, though I am not a doctor, I would imagine they are going to be more inclined to think it is that rather than anything else.

It is good that you have mad an appointment, try to keep calm until you see them, and then tell them everything not just any physical symptoms, but also mentally what is going on with you (if you feel you can open up to them that is).

I would wait to see what the doctor says before you start thinking about paying privately for ENT as I say it may well be something really simple.

Finding motivation is hard when you just want to curl up, have you thought about counselling perhaps?

If you need to talk I am here, try to keep calm until Friday, I am sure you will be fine.

[Anxious_gal]

wow I'm so sorry you had to go through that : (

Try not to drink, if you find it addictive it's not a fun road to go down, there's lots of rehabs and AA meetings that can help you want to try there.

I've weird throat feelings too, it's there most of the time but sometimes worse than others, I have some odd lumps too on the outside. No one seems worried but me : / It's highly uncomfortable and drives me a little bit crazy.

If it's near your tonsil it maybe a tonsil stone, which I think it's like a build up of old skin cells n stuff, some times you might spit them out, you can tell tonsil stones because if you smell them they smell really bad.

Dam I wish I had a neck ultra sound! Anything that would show up the inside of my neck, it would help soo much to know that there isn't anything dangerous there, I fear it growing and cutting off my airways...

It's great the ultra sound was clear, that would have showed up your thyroid as well.

Is the tonsil much bigger? maybe it's bigger due to the tonsil stone? Have you seen a dentist as some are quite good at removing the stones, sometimes they even can be slightly bigger than they look once they get removed.

I would see a dentist before the ENT, I'm seeing an oral surgeon about a tongue issue but hoping they might help with my throat too and dentists can refer you to an ENT as well.

I understand if it's something you can feel it's hard not to worry about it.

you can get tense muscles in your neck which can cause the lump in your throat feeling, so it could just be anxiety as well.

try not to worry too much as you have had the ultra sound, and your blood count/test was good so it means your body is healthy.

[kittyj]

Thank you for your replies. I really appreciate people taking the time to write a few words of comfort.

Last night was quite bad. I could feel my tonsil almost touching my uvula, that dangly bit, when I lay on my right side and then when I lay on my left it felt like I had a golf ball pressing on the side of my throat. I woke up several times crying thinking I was going to choke and almost having a panic attack. Nice. The OH really appreciated that.

I think the HA is making my symptoms seem far worse than they actually are. I'd say my left tonsil is about twice the size of my right and it will only touch my dangly bit if I really push out on my tonsils when I'm peering down my throat.

Today I'm doing that constant swallowing to check my throat thing and now it feels like I have something stuck at the back middle of my tongue. Must stop doing it...