kittyj
05-02-13, 21:40
So, last year sucked. My mum was in and out of hospital after suffering from multiple strokes, my uncle died and I had my 7 year old cat put down due to renal failure (suspected lymphoma). And I fell to pieces.
After having successfully given up alcohol for over a month at the end of 2011, 2012 saw me boozing bigger and more often than before. On new year's day I woke up with a stonker of a hangover and vowed not to drink again for a while, at least until I can get a proper handle on my feelings, learn how to cope without it etc.
But now health anxiety has reared it's ugly head. Right before I made the decision to give up the booze again I was having worrying thoughts about throat cancer, liver problems etc. basically just anxious about the damage alcohol might be doing to me. Is it a coincidence that I started feeling like I had something stuck at the back of my throat? I spent the whole of January with this feeling, mostly located on left hand side like something trapped in behind my tonsil. Went to dr, had blood tests for thyroid (all fine), neck ultrasound, checking thyroid mainly (nothing untoward), started brushing teeth and tongue meticulously (I had a bad habit of only doing it in the morning and sometimes missing days) and gargling with salt water and checking my throat. At the weekend I realised that my left tonsil is much larger than my right (which is barely visible). At least I think it's a tonsil. It also looked like there was something white squished and trapped in there. Aha, dr google says a tonsil stone but he also says one large tonsil could be lymphoma so I guess you know where I'm going with this....
I did have a poke around to see if I could dislodge anything but no joy and the lump (tonsil) feels quite hard. I've possibly made it worse with all the prodding. I can't feel anything on the other side.
I am driving myself and my significant other mad. I have another dr appt on Friday but I'm also considering paying for an ENT consultation with Bupa.
I can't stop thinking that this is it. I know it's not rational, but when my wee cat was showing illness I kept worrying she might be dying and telling myself not to think the worst but then the worst happened and I was devastated.
I've always suffered with anxiety and depression issues but lately life just seems so bland and I have so little motivation to improve things for myself. It's affecting everything, especially work.
I'm not sure what I'm expecting from this post but it seemed like a good place to dump my worries.
After having successfully given up alcohol for over a month at the end of 2011, 2012 saw me boozing bigger and more often than before. On new year's day I woke up with a stonker of a hangover and vowed not to drink again for a while, at least until I can get a proper handle on my feelings, learn how to cope without it etc.
But now health anxiety has reared it's ugly head. Right before I made the decision to give up the booze again I was having worrying thoughts about throat cancer, liver problems etc. basically just anxious about the damage alcohol might be doing to me. Is it a coincidence that I started feeling like I had something stuck at the back of my throat? I spent the whole of January with this feeling, mostly located on left hand side like something trapped in behind my tonsil. Went to dr, had blood tests for thyroid (all fine), neck ultrasound, checking thyroid mainly (nothing untoward), started brushing teeth and tongue meticulously (I had a bad habit of only doing it in the morning and sometimes missing days) and gargling with salt water and checking my throat. At the weekend I realised that my left tonsil is much larger than my right (which is barely visible). At least I think it's a tonsil. It also looked like there was something white squished and trapped in there. Aha, dr google says a tonsil stone but he also says one large tonsil could be lymphoma so I guess you know where I'm going with this....
I did have a poke around to see if I could dislodge anything but no joy and the lump (tonsil) feels quite hard. I've possibly made it worse with all the prodding. I can't feel anything on the other side.
I am driving myself and my significant other mad. I have another dr appt on Friday but I'm also considering paying for an ENT consultation with Bupa.
I can't stop thinking that this is it. I know it's not rational, but when my wee cat was showing illness I kept worrying she might be dying and telling myself not to think the worst but then the worst happened and I was devastated.
I've always suffered with anxiety and depression issues but lately life just seems so bland and I have so little motivation to improve things for myself. It's affecting everything, especially work.
I'm not sure what I'm expecting from this post but it seemed like a good place to dump my worries.