Just a matter of time

[Eek]

So I'm at an all time low today, I feel like I'm just waiting for whatever fatal disease I have to take me :( and it's just a matter of time.

I have a lump on my liver that I'm having rescanned in a week that I'm scared is cancer and the radiologist said is likely a hemangioma but need the rescan to be sure.

I have night sweats every night which my doctor doesn't know what is causing them, I'm going to a gynaecologist in three weeks time to see if the cause could be hormonal.

The last few mornings I've slept through my alarm without waking before my husband turned it off and I've felt very sleepy and it was hard to wake up and I've felt weird when I wake up.

Every time I wake up I get a weird feeling in my chest that doesn't seem to be linked to anxiety as I'm not anxious when I wake up.

My Bowel movements have been considerably paler than usual for a few months, my doctor doesn't seem worried he's done a couple of liver function tests both were normal but I'm worried about liver and pancreatic cancer which this can be a sign of. I'm also worried it can be bowel cancer.

All these things add up to a terrible fear on my part that I'm on the way out and that I have something fatal that just hasn't been picked up yet. I don't know what to do any more I'm terrified and my life just seems to be an overwhelming fear of dying. I've tried therapy, SSRIs, antipsychotics (the latter I'm weaning off), and nothing works. I don't know how to get my life back to normal and even if I did I feel it would just be to find out I have a terminal disease.

[Justinf]

I think once your scan comes back normal and you find that it's your hormones, you'll rapidly improve. I realise how stressful it all is, but I am confident the results will be in your favour and then you will notice a sharp improvement.

[Eek]

Thanks Justin I hope you're right, I'm dreading the scan but hopefully it'll tell me one way or the other what's going on in my liver. I just wish I could go back to my pre health anxiety state but it just seems that it's one symptom after another.

[zippy]

I agree with Justinf I think once you get your scan results and you have seen the gynaecologist you will steadily improve. But I know how awful it is waiting for apts results.

[almamatters]

Good luck with your scan Eek, I know you will feel more reassured once you have had it done. I know exactly what you are going through.

[spacebunnyx]

Hi Eek,

I had the same as you.. a lump the size of a golf ball on my liver. It was found during laproscopic surgery. After a CT with contrast I was told it was a hemangioma and they are very common especially in young-ish women (i'm 32) - our hormones cause them to flare up and get bigger. I'm so sure that is what it will be for you.

xxx

[Eek]

Thank you guys. I just can't get the fear out of my head that I'm dying. If I have liver cancer that's virtually a death sentence and it scares the heck out of me. I'm just so scared right now.

[spacebunnyx]

Eek. No its not a death sentence. I have a friend who was diagnosed some years ago now with a large tumour (plus he had other complications as well) and he is doing great and cancer free.

[Mark_P]

We all get worries like these. It's normal to think about the bad things, especially when you're feeling down and have too much time to think. I am sure everything will be okay, just try to relax (easier said than done, I know!) and get some sleep if possible. Good Luck!

---------- Post added at 19:12 ---------- Previous post was at 19:12 ----------

And actually your liver can grow back, I believe.

[Eek]

Eek. No its not a death sentence. I have a friend who was diagnosed some years ago now with a large tumour (plus he had other complications as well) and he is doing great and cancer free.

Thank you for the info. The site I was looking at said that the survival rate for five years with stage 1 liver cancer was only 20% which seems very low :( We'll just have to see what my scan says on Thursday, not that I'll have the results for another week o_O.

[Eek]

I'm having a bad day today. Very worried. It's still five days until my scan and I'm driving myself crazy with worry. My bowel movements are very pale and yellow and have been for a few months my doc has done Liver Function Tests that have been clear but it is still really worrying me as the internet only says bad things about pale or yellow bowel movements. I'm so scared right now I don't know what to do :(

[rated_r90]

You really need to stop looking online about your symptoms! The internet isn't the font of all medical knowledge and usually only gives a worst case scenario. Try to relax before your scan because worrying constantly about it isn't going to make things any better for you, it only makes things worse.

I hope your scan goes ok and you get results that ease your mind.

[skippy66]

It is just a matter of time....for everyone on the planet. Everybody dies, it's a fact of life as uncomfortable as it sounds. What you do before you die is up to you - you can waste your life worrying about stuff that may or may not happen, or you can enjoy your life to the full and enjoy the ride.

The problem with health anxiety is the fear which prevents people from facing this realisation, and it's a shame because people waste their lives worrying - I wasted 8 years of mine through faulty 'health anxiety' thinking.

The good news is that you can change all that, starting today.

[rated_r90]

It is just a matter of time....for everyone on the planet. Everybody dies, it's a fact of life as uncomfortable as it sounds. What you do before you die is up to you - you can waste your life worrying about stuff that may or may not happen, or you can enjoy your life to the full and enjoy the ride.

The problem with health anxiety is the fear which prevents people from facing this realisation, and it's a shame because people waste their lives worrying - I wasted 8 years of mine through faulty 'health anxiety' thinking.

The good news is that you can change all that, starting today.

Great post. That's what frustrates me so much about HA! I really want to be healthy and live life to the full, yet I waste so much of my time worrying about things that may or may not happen. I am in the process of changing that, though it's definitely not easy!

[almamatters]

I have been told by many doctors and a liver specialist that your LFT's are a massive indication as to what is happening. If they are normal, I would feel positive about things.
I understand how you are feeling Eek, good luck for Thursday and let us know how you get on. :)

[Eek]

It is just a matter of time....for everyone on the planet. Everybody dies, it's a fact of life as uncomfortable as it sounds. What you do before you die is up to you - you can waste your life worrying about stuff that may or may not happen, or you can enjoy your life to the full and enjoy the ride.

The problem with health anxiety is the fear which prevents people from facing this realisation, and it's a shame because people waste their lives worrying - I wasted 8 years of mine through faulty 'health anxiety' thinking.

The good news is that you can change all that, starting today.

I know that I am wasting my life worrying about death, but I just don't know how to stop it. Just when I'm thinking I'm getting better I get a new symptom and can't accept that it's likely HA that's causing it (though a lump in my liver isn't caused by HA). I wish I could change it but my brain just won't let me :(


I have been told by many doctors and a liver specialist that your LFT's are a massive indication as to what is happening. If they are normal, I would feel positive about things.
I understand how you are feeling Eek, good luck for Thursday and let us know how you get on. :)

Thank you I'll let you know how I go though not sure when I'll get the results, it's a painful wait. I hate the waiting the most, though at least while you're waiting there's some hope. My lump was only 2cm on the scan so I'm not sure if it would have caused any change in my LFTs even if it was cancer. I'm dreading the results I just hope that it comes back as unchanged and still likely a hemangioma.