Am I really damaged?

[edwardo]

Just read another members thread here about wanting to be loved and its not even something I can identify with let alone it ever been a want or a need for me so Im thinking this is not the norm, my depression started when I was 15, before that I was an extremely Happy positive person, very outgoing plenty of friends, I spoke to an old neighbor a while back who described me as been very loving which I can bearly remember ever been, my mom passed away when I was very young so Im wondering is not wanting or needing to be loved due to not having the mother/child bond relationship?, Im 30 now and can honestly say I have no emotional attachment or connection to anyone and that can't be a good thing, past 5 months Iv found something thats worked after 15 years of wrank wrank depression so least Im on the mend, would like to hear your thoughts on this thanks! : )

[Ingenious]

If you're on the mend as you say above then you might find over the next few years you will open up. Personally I went for several decades through depression without much inkling of feeling love or emotion, much of this being a protective wall around my mind/heart to avoid getting hurt or emotionally involved. As life got better and I started to recover life just generally started to become normal again and the emotions and feelings did return. It can take time and you should try and be easy on yourself :)

[edwardo]

Cheers for that ingenious, thats the thing, seratonin, the chemical thats responsible for emotion, when your lacking this chemical whos to say how your feeling is not psycological God knows Iv seen enough therapists trying to figure that out.

[Daisy Sue]

hi Edwardo, and welcome to the forum :)

[edwardo]

Cheers Daisy : )

[edwardo]

Depression aside how come I never feel lonely, I don't really have a desire for human contact, there was a time a year in to my depression I was desperately craving love and affection but at the same time cutting off anyone attempting to offer it and this was killing me emotionally , so in doing.so I have damaged myself?

[Daisy Sue]

maybe try not to use the word 'damaged' when you think about yourself and your emotions.... 'protected' or 'over-cautious' are probably nearer the mark, given what you've been through, and these conditions as such as they are, can be undone in time, in the right environment, and when you're ready..

i would advise that you don't expect too much of yourself, and in turn don't put yourself down for not being, or not having, the same as everyone else... take baby steps, and i think joining this forum is probably the best step you could have made right now.