Terrified of taking meds

[snooo]

Hi,

So I started taking Citalopram in 2003 for OCD - took it at 40mg for about eight years. I went cold turkey in 2011 after I got fed up of taking them and didn't want to be dependent anymore. I didn't really have a GP or a psychiatrist to speak to and I was just getting repeat prescriptions for them.

In the last year I have had some recurrence of my OCD symptoms, especially when I spend time with my girlfriend. My anxiety had also started to get episodically bad - I suffered a massive panic attack while I was on holiday to India and I suddenly became terrified of flying. I spoke to my GP and I suggested it might be a good idea if I went back on the citalopram. He said take it at 20mg for a few weeks before going back to 40mg. This was back in October.

So I took it for two days while I was away on a trip - by the second day I started experiencing crazy panic symptoms and anxiety, with worries about things I never used to worry about anymore. It scared the hell out of me and I stopped taking them after a few days.

Since then I've been feeling terrible anxiety almost every day, varying from a general feeling that something is going to happen to physical shaking, palputations and sweating. Now and again I get an anxiety free day, but usually I have some worry or feelings of depersonalisation - feeling distant with occasional difficulty in thinking straight. I have had a few panic attacks, including on Christmas Day, and I've gone from being someone who enjoys travelling and enjoying socialising to wanting to generally stay in bed. I have, however, been OK with going to work and so far I haven't had to really take any sick.

I spoke to my GP who suggested I go on prozac, but I've been reluctant and the pills have stayed on the shelf. I have finally managed to get a referral and see a psychiatrist but he, like my GP, has suggested I take another anti-depressant - this time setraline at 50mg.

I have to be honest, I'm absolutely terrified of taking them. I am worried that after eight years of being on citalopram I've caused some kind of permanent damage to myself, and after the extreme reaction I had to just two 20mg doses this would just get worse with another SSRI. Yet all that is offered to me in terms of treatment are SSRIs. I can't find very much on the internet to reassure me that it would be OK to try them again.

Has anyone gone back on an SSRI after having a break following years of being on them? Am I over-worrying about this?

Thanks

[becky000]

I developed a phobia to taking meds years ago when I was experiencing really bad anxiety and panic attacks. This made everything 100 times worse for me as I couldn't take anything to ease the symptoms.

I was prescribed an anti-depressant and a tranquiliser for panic attacks. I found it so hard to take these but with a lot of help I did eventually. What I found was that my condition took a long time to improve. I continued with panic attacks and anxiety for months. The doctor told me that I should look on it as taking a vitamin which takes a while before it actually has any effect.


I suggest that, by all means try another anti-depressant - I was on Prozac and found that it did eventually help me. But you need to believe that it's going to help you. If you take it expecting a bad reaction, that's probably what's going to happen. It could happen while taking a vitamin C for that matter. It all depends on your mind-set.

When you started taking Citalopram again you were already struggling with symptoms. Whether you took meds or not you would probably have suffered with these symptoms so I don't think you should blame the drug. After all you took it for a long time with no adverse effect in the past.

Whichever meds are prescribed for you, give them a chance and try other techniques too - don't just rely on the meds. I have found that it's a combination of things that works.

[Boingboingboing]

Hi I totally agree with Becky, I too have a fear of taking medication.In the past I have taken Citalopram twice and propanol I absolutely hated taking them, as every symptom it tells you I thought I'd have.I found the first 2 wks the worst but then much better but it was all according what my mind/ feelings were at that time.I also at same time read self help books by Claire Weekes and that really helped.I personally would try taking your medication again along with either reading,vitamins or something to distract you, I know it's really hard.Ive been off meds now for 9yrs but I'm finding it so hard everyday and now I'm trying to find vitamin supplement information too see if that helps.Hope your having a better day today.

[snooo]

Thanks for your input both. I have just had a terrible panic attack - which I managed to sit through - and the more I think about it the more I think I have no option but to at least try them again. I have become very risk adverse as of late as I've gotten older and maybe I need to throw some caution to the wind. We shall see.

[Lost2010]

Hi snoo,

If it's any comfort, I've heard that people often have 1-2 weeks before the Citalopram with start to kick in again so it may have been that the anxiety you experienced when you took a couple of tablets is just your body getting used to them again.

If you can try and look on the 8 years that you took them as reassuring because you know they agreed with you then. I wouldn't worry about any damage because of taking them before, they're designed for long term use so that shouldn't be a problem.

Hope you feel better soon