Please may I have a little advice-Dp/Dr related.

[hannah26]

Hello,

Ok so I've had what I thought was derealisation/depersonalization for about two months now but over the last few days my feelings and thoughts seem different and now I'm scared that it might not be dp/dr.
If I list a few of my symptoms would it be possible for someone to just look through them and tell me what you think. I know none or most of us aren't medical proffessionals but just some advice or anything would be lovely.

Ok so my list goes like this>
I'm scared of the world, walking on it because it feels weird. When I go outside it freaks me out badly, and I feel like I'm high up and scared of heights.
Things don't look real to me, even my own self, I'm scared that it will all become to real and freak me out.
I'm scared of looking at wide views.
I have recurring horrible thoughts about how big the world is and how's its floating in space.
I'm scared of planes.
I'm scared it will never stop and I'll be like this forever and I will eventually lose all control of myself and my mind and end up dying or in a mental hospital.
I feel in my mind that even if people told me it was all real I wouldn't believe them even though that's never happened.
I feel like I can't control my arms or legs and will become locked in or paralysed.
I'm just really scared of everything at the moment, being alone, walking outside by myself, night-time, snow, rain, storms, the dark everything.
I'm scared to eat suger or sweeteners incase they trigger a panic attack or horrible thoughts.
I'm scared I will forget my family and friends and be alone and crazy.

Does this sound normal, well not normal because it isn't but normal for dp/dr and anxiety. I can't shake no matter how calm I am the thoughts are always always there, I know I should ignore but when your scared of your surroundings that's very hard to do.
I am on Propranolol, I came of for two days then went back on them could it be because of that. I want a normal life, I have interviews and things comuing up and I really want a job and I'm worried this will hold me back. What is happening to me. I feel like my life is over.

I'm sorry for the ridiculously long post and my moaning.
I'm ashamed of myself sometimes, I'm alive, have loving family, a roof over my head and have good health so what am I moaning about. But living my life in fear has gone on for so long now I'm exhausted and I've had enough. I can't live the rest of my life like this can I. The Dr never seems to understand I've had 5 cbt lessons and I try to stick with them but they've stopped now!! What else can I do!!

Sorry again
Lots of hugs, thanks and love to you all Hannah x x x

[Paulac]

Hi Hannah, sorry your feeling rubbish, unfortunately I'm in the same place u r now. Iv had most of the thoughts that scare you, even posted a few times on the ones that really freaked me out eg, not recognising my loved ones, ending up in a mental home, my list goes on. Iv read so much on these horrible thoughts and everything I read says the same thing, they r JUST thoughts, can't do us any harm, don't try n fight the thoughts just accept them, easier said than done i know, take it from me they won't stay around forever, things that might scare u this week cud have no effect on u at all next week.
Hope ur ok
Paula xx

[hannah26]

Hi Paula,

Thank you for your reply, its horrible that we have these feelings but its good to know there are people who understand.
Can I ask what do you do to cope with the feelings, I mean I know your still going through it but how to you stay calm and relax? I'm ok now but I find it hard just looking around freaks me out. I hope you don't mind me asking!

Thank you again!
Hannah x x

[Paulac]

Hey Hannah course I don't mind you asking, lol.
I started on citalopram, I just felt like I couldn't get thru it all without any help, but that's just me, plenty of people get thru it all without any meds. But I think the more you understand they are just thoughts they will start to bother you less. I do know exactly how u feel though it's really horrible, I sometimes feel paralysed to the spot with fear of the thoughts. Feel free to ask me anything anytime at all,
Paula xx

[hannah26]

Hi Paula,

Thanks for your reply.
I tried Citalopram twice the first time I felt amazing, like I had never had panic attacks or anxiety before. But stupid me I came off of them because I thought I was fine. About 3 years later, which was last year I tried them again and oh dear me they made me feel terrible and that's when this all started!!
I am o Propranolol 40mg twice a day and it does calm me down a bit but not that much and it doesn't stop the horrible thoughts. Does the Citalopram do that for you? Does it stop the racing thoughts at all and make you feel calm?
I would like to try other meds as well as therapies, cbt and maybe hypnotherapy but I'm scared to take any new meds now because of the terrible time I had on Cit.

Thanks again
Hannah x x

[Paulac]

Hi Hannah,
This is my 3rd time on citalopram. Both other times they wer a life saver, started on 10mg a month ago felt absolutey awful for at least 2 n a weeks to start then started to notice that even though I was still having the thoughts I wasn't panicking about them, really was starting to feel better, then I started on 20mg on Friday there and I'm prob feeling the worst I ever have, panicking constantly, random n wierd thoughts, feel like I can't escape my own mind, I'm constantly thinking about how I'm feeling which is driving me nuts!! My hubby was on citalopram years ago,came off them and then wen he started them again they didn't agree with him so he tried fluxotine and has been on them for years now, so it's just about finding something that suits you. How bad do u feel, do u feel like u need sumit to help u?
Paula xx

[hannah26]

Hi Paula,
Your experience with Cit sounds exactly like mine, I just felt the worst I have ever felt for the last two months, I would actually just like the panic attacks that I had last time back. Its stupid really because before I started Cit I was only panicking about my arms, the constantly felt numb like I was not going to be able to use them, I'd love that instead of this right now.
Did your husband have any side effects on Fluxotine? And what is he on them for if you don't mind me asking?
Yes I really do feel like I need something but I am scared that they will make me feel worse if that's even possible and I'm not sure I have the strength to cope with that.

I just want to feel normal for a few days then I'm sure I could begin to get better, do you know what I mean.

Hannah x x