Tried return to work - FAIL!!!! [Archive]

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Col

10-02-13, 18:58

Anyone else tried returning to work, thinking that they were in a much better place & ready to face the world again after months or even years at home, simply to find that for whatever reason something like becoming unwell OR something that's upset you, has started to affect your nerves again and then the spiral of Panic has started up again????

I've been volunteering a full day - good for the CV and reference purposes & get back into swing of things, might do me some good ?? WRONG !!! Soooooo deflated - Yet AGAIN HUGE knock back career wise (never gonna happen now)!!! Anyway ~ had to leave early the other week and now NOT going back I've decided!!! Had 2 days off for genuine reasons since I started last November , my 3 year old was ill & the other day off due to snow!!!! Anyway the anxiety was unbearable, panic began to rise I was ill also
( infection ) and I was sitting there whilst it felt like someone was setting me on fire , gurgling stomach full of air , breathing became weired and I couldn't get a grip 3 hours of Tourcher!!! And after 2 year of this hell on top, I've got NO energy and before I wanted to rule the world, went long haul and was a dare devil!
My aspirations are high, but will never happen - gone on far too long! My energies are wained!!!!Can't hold a volunteering position down , can u imagine if it was paid work?
Just wanted to know if anyone else been like this???:shrug:

Annie0904

10-02-13, 19:27

Col I am so sorry that this didn't work out for you and I am sure it is devastating for you. Don''t give up on yourself though. I was unable to work for a long time 8 years ago and then I managed to get back until the anxiety hit big time again. I am going to start a phased return tomorrow to see how I can manage. After 8 months of I am not expecting it to be easy :( When you are ill it can set the anxiety off big time again and I hope you will became to recover soon and be in a position to try again. I am just starting with 1.5 hours a day :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Sarahj8079

10-02-13, 22:57

Good luck for tomorrow x

Col

10-02-13, 23:38

Thanks Annie! It's just soo exhausting, I know I'm a strong character naturally, so for me 2 feel this wAy is devastating & not returning in itself, makes me think back to when I abandoned my teacher training 2 yrs ago. So not good confidence wise as well as worrying about the onset of severe anxiety ~ again?

Sincerely thinking about you & pray it goes well tomorrow & continues in the weeks ahead. X

panickyme

10-02-13, 23:40

So sorry Col, you will get better, and try again. Sending you a hug! :hugs:

Col

11-02-13, 13:11

Thanks guys XXXX

Tessar

11-02-13, 21:02

Hello col. What strikes me here is that you did this for all the right reasons. You did do it even if the outcome wasnt quite what you would have wished for.perhaps you could try a bit of part time? I really feel that things transpired against you, there was quite a lot going on and that's probably what brought you to where you r now. It is no way a bad reflection on you at all. Many many people find themselves in this situation but each of them in their own way make small in roads into getting better. Just like Annie who is just returning to work, It is still possible for you to achieve the things you would like but there's no point in the meantime in being too hard on yourself.
I recall when I was doing therapy that I was supposed to be giving my therapist a list of good things about myself. So I Sat there squirming in the chair hating it when she made me say something positive. I kept saying I could give her a long list of bad things about me, failures etc. but she persisted and eventually I gave in and became more positive.
The point of what I'm saying is that if you were to tell my colleagues that I work with now, that 10 years ago I lacked self-confidence and was as depressed as hell, they would think you are talking about someone else entirely.
You keep at it because one day, you could be a success story too.
And congratulations for your generosity in giving up your time, as a busy mum, to volunteer

Col

12-02-13, 11:53

Tessar

24-02-13, 15:17

Tessar, :bighug:. That's very kind if not the kindest thing anyone, has replied to me on NMP or in my everyday life. I felt S*** about giving up the chance of a good career , after working so hard to get to that point as a young mum and now dealing with panic & trying to get back out there. Your words were so heart felt and gave me some perspective when I read your post last night! Thankyou.:hugs:
awww col.
i've only just read your reply properly. i must have missed it somehow....

i'm really glad that what i said made such a difference. your words to me are very kind too. equally heart felt. Just what I need also because I'm making notes of kind things people say to me so that I can believe in myself & shake off the negative label that i was given when i was growing up. So this all helps me move in the right direction!

Charlie11

24-02-13, 15:30

Hi col/Annie. So sorry work didn't help you. You could always try again when you are feeling stronger and you will. Annie. I'm also due to return to work a week on Monday after been off for 6 months. I had such a positive 2 wks and over the last few day I have hit a massive blip anxiety through the roof. I am trying to stay positive as I'm doing the same as you ie phase return. Good luck for tomorrow. Let me know how you get on.:flowers:

Annie0904

24-02-13, 15:33

Charlie11

24-02-13, 15:46

Sorry to hear that Annie :hugs:

Annie0904

24-02-13, 15:50

Sorry to hear that Annie :hugs:

I am actually quite relieved about it. Hard in some ways as I was there for 14 years but I know I have made the right decision. x

Charlie11

24-02-13, 16:02

Annie your so positive and you will be able to return one day :hugs:

oh no_1

24-02-13, 16:14

hi
i tried to return to the job im in twice now and hasnt worked out
now had no choice but to resign
but now im frightened bout starting a new job incase the same thing happens :(

---------- Post added at 16:14 ---------- Previous post was at 16:10 ----------

I am actually quite relieved about it. Hard in some ways as I was there for 14 years but I know I have made the right decision. x

yeh it is hard i only just beginnming to learn it wasd prob for the best that i handed in my resignation due to ill health but sitll hardest decision i ever had to make.

Annie0904

24-02-13, 16:15

hi
i tried to return to the job im in twice now and hasnt worked out
now had no choice but to resign
but now im frightened bout starting a new job incase the same thing happens :(

Give your self time to get well again and I am sure you will be fine. I think you, Col and I all work in similar roles and it can be a very stressful job. I am going to look at the possibilities of private tutoring as I think this may be less stressful for me but first I know I need time to recover without the worries of work. :hugs:

Col

24-02-13, 16:27

Hi oh no,

Gosh , this is exactly my point !!! Honestly u don't know me but I used to be constantly on the go & on one! Career mad , doctor/scientist/ teacher........ After my breakdown 2011 LEAD WALL :wall: FORGET IT!!!! I try and try and try and some days feel up to getting back like my volunteering and then I think - forget it! Then money worries blah blah = more stress!!! Then like your situation I think...... What if my volunteering was paid?? I left , went back and then it happend again????? The apprehension isn't surprising because you have to be realistic! It's ok trying to push and motivate yourself BUT when your grasping for breath every day your sat at your desk or in a meeting - its soul destroying the energy to overcome this is tremendous!
Do you absolutly have to work OR could u have a break and the think about doing something when your ready.???
I hope you find a way to succeed , I really do! :winks:

---------- Post added at 16:27 ---------- Previous post was at 16:20 ----------

Oh no , I hope your alright because I was heartbroken when I had to quit my PGCE halfway throug the work durring the course and what I had done to get to that point , was profound!

I have 2 degrees maths and science , I had my daughter at 20 , learnt to drive , get married owned now 3 houses so by 29 , did a heck of a lot as well as ploughing through heaps of family c***, SO absolultly heart braking & now 31 and I don't think I will ever get my spark back & surprisingly I'm such a home bird in ways now but....... Deep down still resent not having 'that career'!!!!

If u ever want to chat I'm here X

Sunshine77

24-02-13, 21:47

Deep down still resent not having 'that career'!!!!

Oh Col / Ohno - You have struck such a chord with me! Although what I do is quite different, I have always had such an unhealthy relationship with my career. My sense of self-worth is so dependent on promotions and outward signs of success, and yet I'm constantly driven by fear, and a feeling that I am an imposter waiting to be found out.

I'm at the point now, having gone back to work last Monday and found it very, very tough indeed, where I am seriously thinking of leaving and giving myself some time to recover before looking for something less stressful - but that's my reluctance in a nutshell - it feels like a failure to not have "that career"!

Annie and Ohno, you have made such brave decisions resigning. And Col it sounds like your life is very full with your family and the life you've built.

I sometimes think, what am I going to look back on when I am 95 and rocking in my chair. Am I going to remember that great sale I made when I was 35, that brought in a packet of money for my company and nearly drove me into an early grave? Or am I going to remember the simple happy times spent with the people I love, feeling content and peaceful?

I suspect the latter - puts it into perspective for me!

Good luck Charlie as well with your return to work

:bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: to all of you xx