My family sometimes drive me mad

[Pigeon]

Hi All

It's me again having a moan. I do admit to sufffering some short term anxiety symptoms in the past but my current depression/anxiety appeared a few months ago as a result of some personal problems involving family and work. I won't go on about them here as I don't think there would be enough space and also becuase I want to protect their privacy - and my job.

But I do get really frustrated that despite all I have given to my work and family, I sometimes feel resentful that they think it is all my fault that I am like this and I can just snap out of it. I love my family very much. In their own way they are kind and supportive. But when the going gets tough, you can forget it. I have done a lot for them over the years and I think they don't realise the responibilities I have taken on their behalf have led to how I am now. There are some things that need sorting and sometimes I just get overwhelmed. But they all seem to have scarpered. Admittedly they have problmes of their own too and I can appreciate that but I wonder why everyhtng seems to be going wrong for usat the moment. And not just little things - big important things one fter another and there seems to be no signs of it stopping.
I just feel so fed up and feel like my life is on hold:unsure::scared15:

[Annie0904]

It is so hard for people who have never suffered anxiety to understand what it is like as we can look fine on the outside. I too have been where I thought that my life was on hold but I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and you will too. Sending you hugs :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Pigeon]

Thanks Annie
I can't blame everything on my family and just realised how self-pityiing I sounded on my post - sorry everone.

I'm just really fed up of being anxious. Today I have woken up anxious and in a very low mood as usual and I just want to be normal and have my old life back. Everyhting seems so difficult, even making a cup of tea and I have to psyche myself up to do it. Sure my muscles are weak and trembley becuase I'm not moving about enough. Just would sit on the sofa all day if I could get away with it because I hate the feeling I get when I do something.

I have to go back to work in three weeks and my boss came to see me yesterday to talk about how she could help prepare me. They have been really supportive but I'm not sure I will ever be ready. I can't even think straight and the thought of work sends me into a blind panic. Just wish I could see some improvement. Feel like crying my eyes out but no tears will come. So fed up of myself.

[Annie0904]

You did not sound self pitying at all. Don't go back to work until you feel ready to and when you do, I would suggest a gradual phased return. I started back yesterday just going in for 1.5 hours each day.

[Pigeon]

Thanks for replying Annie. Glad to hear you're back at work and hope it wasn't too difficult for you. My boss has been really good, she's visited me at home twice and this time suggested I send an e mail to my colleaguse to say hello. Before my sick note runs out I should just have a look at my e mails (not do any work) so i can start to get up to speed with things. Next week I agreed I would call in to our head office and just have a coffee with her and then take it from there.

It's not really the right time to be off sick in our compaany at moment. I have a managerial position and there may be redundacies at that level going forward. Just so worried it will affect my position which just adds to everything.

[Annie0904]

Your boss sounds lovely and supportive, that will help a lot with your return to work.

[PinkRoxy]

I am sorry about what you are going through.

First of all families are very complicated and quite complex. They are usually worried and want what is the best for you but yet get upset and annoyed if things are not getting any better for you. There has been times where I lie on my bed in my room crying and just lying there and mum will come in and tell me to come out in the light and to me that does not make me want to do that as I do not feel like doing that. Another thing is her making me eat something, when I just do not feel like doing that, I really just want to be left alone when feeling like that and not have to bother with anyone. But mum is just worried about me and wants to help and so she gets mad and upset with me for not wanting to accept her help and try and help myself. Its a really hard thing to go through and when suffering depression it just seems like such an effort to have to worry about family members feelings and the fact that they are worried about you. Another thing is I understand the family side too as my nana had major depression and anxiety for years she got worse. My mum and dad would try and help her and would get mad and upset when she wouldn't try and help herself. I didn't understand it all back then but now that I have been through it I understand my nana a whole lot more.

I agree with Annie its hard for people who haven't been through it they don't understand and yet they try to but it just doesn't work out. I know I am not giving much advice here so I am not much help but maybe reassure your family to say that you are alright and you would just like to be left alone right now.

As for work I also agree that you should go back in your own time when you are ready. But I think if you did pop in for a visit and have a coffee you might start to feel a bit better. I really think you should give it a go and see how that goes for you.

I wish you all the best and I hope you will start to feel better soon. I was on an anti anxiety pill last year called seroquol which did help a lot and maybe you could suggest something like that to your doctor when you see them next time.

All the best hun you deserve to be happy again :) (((hug)))