View Full Version : Dont believe I will ever recover
I truly don't. Everything is pointless. Every minute is hell. Tired of looking for answers. I can't believe this is happening too me.
justwannabebetter
12-02-13, 18:19
Do u have pa ic attacks every day?
I sympathize with you, really.
I find myself in the same position as you, figuring what the hell is the point. I'm agoraphobic, sometimes I can manage to get out, and do ok. For the most part I can't its like panic after panic. It's exhausting to the point where I want to not wake up, if its not panic attacks, its non stop anxiety, I can't tell you the last time I felt "good"
I swear if you have hope and faith in things it makes all the difference, but when things are rough its hard to dig deep and find that.
I've talked to people on other forums, that have been in a bad, bad place. Severe agoraphobia, severe dp/dr, depressed, where they finally had a breakdown and ended up being hospitalized for months. Sounds absolutely terrifying to think......but you know something, these people are doing very well now, they have their life back, they travel, hell they live now. I try keep these things in mind that it IS possible. It takes a lit of hard work from you ( I speak for myself too) it defo won't be easy, but we have to have hope it can and will happen :) ( ok I'm positive for now but who knows how long that will last) I know this probably doesn't help much, but know that you are not alone. Keep posting on here, talking about things can help too :) have you been in therapy, any success at all with antidepressants? Have u found anything that helps even a little? You're not alone in this fight.
alcohol helped. But recently i stopped drinking and now i feel like i have no crutch left for those periods where i dont want it anymore. I am so scared frightened. I feel there is something inside my head i cannot win against now. I could before. Now i dont. It is all the time no matter what i do
---------- Post added at 18:31 ---------- Previous post was at 18:26 ----------
I hate talking about it because it reminds me of it, but i cant stop because if i dont it takes me over. Everyone is trying to help me and when people tell me positive things it makes me feel worse. I feel like im living a lie. Everything feels forced, unnatural, like i am doing it just to stay on this planet.
I'm sorry :( I wish I could say something to help you, but again I understand how you feel. Truly.
Nothing helps. I mean as i said in my post the more i try to help myself the more it gets ingrained into me that i am doing this because of what is in my head. im so scared of my thoughts. It is ridiculous but because they have been there for so long i jst cannot help it anymore and end feeling hopeless. The more i get invovled with treatment the more ingrained it becomes i am ill. I escaped life for 4/5 years by drinking everyday but i cant even do that anymore. The only thing i try to cling on to is drugs working for me but i dont know if i can stand it with them and without them i know i cant. I would, like you said, like to have my first peacful nights sleep in 7 years tonight and not wake up tomorrow. but i don't want to die, of course not. I just dont want to suffer anymore.
---------- Post added at 18:57 ---------- Previous post was at 18:55 ----------
It is 'nice' to know you understand canadiana, if you understand what i mean. I wouldn't wish it on anyone
Alcohol will actually make you worse in the long term as it makes you more depressed when the effect goes. have you had any counselling/therapy? If not it may be a good idea to ask your doctor as something like CBT may be helpful to you. I know you are in an awful place right now and there have been days when I have wished I didn't exist but there is light at the end of the tunnel and you can overcome this :hugs:
footballking
12-02-13, 20:36
Hang in there man. I am going through the same thing. Maybe worse. I don't know what to do either/ apart from wait it out.
Hang in there man. I am going through the same thing. Maybe worse. I don't know what to do either/ apart from wait it out.
wish you all the luck in the world. it is impossible to describe. A healthy person would never understand it. to know authentically all your options are exhausted and still the panic, the thoughts, the depression, the sleeplessness, the lifelesness persist. What else is left but to wait. Although i dont think i can take waiting.
I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad, it's so understandable to feel like there's no way out of this hell, I'm having constant panic about feeling like I'm gona b like this forever, there's no way out, I'm not going to ever feel how I used to, I don't want to die but I don't want to wake another day like this. Everyone keeps telling me there is a way out, ppl I know that have suffered with this too tell me themselves that they felt like us but it will defo get better, it's so hard to accept it will thou wen ur soo down. Iv been bad twice before and both times with the help of citalopram came out the other side, have you tried any antidepressants? I didn't wana start tabs cus then that wud b admitting there is sumit wrong, but some ppl do just actually need something else to help them thru a rough patch, personally now I couldn't care if I have to be on mine forever as long as I don't have to feel this bad every waking hour. I really hope you find something that helps you, you will get thru this!! All the best.
Paula x
I've just started certraline. everything makes me panic that i do. its bizarre. Everything that's supposed to comfort me makes me feel worse.
It takes a while for the medication to kick in so hopefully you will feel some relief soon :hugs:
anti ds take so long to get working, thats if they even do. also this huge panic that even if i get better, or moments when i feel well any minute these feelings pop back up. I mean i cant call a medical team out 24/7. I feel like im beyond help or something. Sorry for the depressing post. Going through something i dont even know how to describe and i just need to write. its like deep down, even if i get better i will always be ill so one side tells me this is all just fake, the pills, the drs then the worst feelings start
Hang in there coldwater.
I'm where you are. Had a mental breakdown at the start of this year and a few weeks back I couldn't even open my eyes. I was truly ready to put a 'permanent stop to everything' so to speak.
I'm nowhere near full recovery what so ever but I feel I'm getting there very slowly. And it is very slow.
I was having so many panic attacks a day, I didn't know when one ended and a new one started. It was constant. Weeks of this led to some of the worst depression I've ever suffered.
Just hang in there because this won't last forever.
thanks people
thankyou steveo. I think when you feel all your 'comforts' and 'escapes' are no longer there you just spiral into something it is impossible to describe. I have ocd thoughts, intrusive ones, dissociated ones that feel inserted into me. to be stuck in my head with them, well, it makes me feel like this. I just hope somebody on this planet has been through what i've been through and some out of it. i have such a weird problem, depersonalisation i've had it diagnosed as before but it is strictly a problem with my thinking and my thoughts being not mine
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