New to this and really need support..

[lily413]

Hi,

I have been having a terrible episode of health anxiety for the past 8 weeks. Not 10 minutes go by without being stricken with fear. I've had episodes of health anxiety for 7 or so years but this has been the worst yet! It all started when I broke up from school (I'm an infant teacher) for Christmas after a really long, stressful term. I suddenly realised that I had been having a bruised sensation in my coccyx when needing a poo (sorry TMI!) for around 6 months and could it be something serious?! That basically caused a downwards spiral of obsessive internet searching and checking to see if it still felt bruised. It actually became more sore before my very eyes. Then started the weird rectal sensations and lower back (sacrum) pain all on the right hand side and pain and numbness in my right buttock, and tingling in my right ankle. It felt worse when sitting on a soft surface or lying flat on my back. After a week or so I saw an osteopath who thought it might be an bulging disc. Strangely after that the back and coccyx pain went but I started having discomfort and strange sensations on my left side rectum (it switched sides!) I kept having the urge to poo (but not actually needing to) and felt pressure on left side or rectum. Thought maybe hemmorhoids.. Doctor said stress can cause these symptoms.. This went after 2 or 3 weeks. Now I have pain on both sides of sacrum and coccyx, although especially on left side. Have seen another osteopath who said all down left side of coccyx is really tight and a bit inflamed and coccyx is extremely rigid. In my head I am thinking oh my God I have a tumour in my coccyx/sacrum/bowels causing this pain, tightness, weird sensations, etc. etc. Doctor said he could feel a small hard painless lump in rectum in the area of the tightness, but thought was bone. Second (and third..!) doctor said the same. I'm completely at my wits end and it's ruining my life. I've become really depressed and not wanting to go out and do things and constantly thinking I have cancer. I can't even begin to work out how many (hundreds of) hours I have spent researching online in the last 8 months. Noticed my stools were mixed really dark (not black, but pretty dark brown) and light brown together.. I'm not really sure what's normal as I was on iron tablets until about 3 weeks ago. Also came off the pill around 4 weeks ago and still haven't had my period. Definitely not pregnant as I have done 3 tests! Lost around 4 or 5 pounds which I'm hoping is down to the anxiety and I suppose reduced appetite..?

Anyway, sorry for the rant.. Just desperate!!

Any advice, thoughts, ideas support would be so so welcome.

Thanks so much!

ps. I am 24 female, healthy weight, no history of illness, good vegetarian diet, not enough exercise..

[rollergirl]

HI. I am also new to the forum but have never posted a question or reply until now. My health anxiety started for me around 20 years old. (I'm 37 now) and I know exactly what fears you have and how debilitating it can be. I also have had the old Colon/Anus cancer scare for the past week but am just coming around now after hopefully grasping some perspective. I had a small sensitive pea sized lump under the skin right at the entry (gross I know) for two days and then it just dissappeared, but I was sure (and still haggle witht he idea) that I suddenly got anal cancer and my life as I know it was about to change horribly. I refused to make another trip to the doctor convinced I had anal cancer until I gave my mind and body a chance to deal with it. You need to know that thos sorts of cancers are extremely rare in someone your age to begin with, and secondly, those sensations you mention are all compeltely normal bodily feelings that we get, its just that your sense of the area is in 100% overdrive at the moment. So theres things probably going on that always have, its just that you're super alerted to them right now because you're fixated on waiting for the next twinge/feeling/pain etc. Dont you think its weird how most of our symptoms dissappear when we're truly distracted? Anyway, I urge you to try to put it into perspective. You're young, healthy and doctors have said you're fine. You've done all youa re obliged to do to respect your mind and body at this point. Enjoy. All we can do is excercise a little, eat well, be good to ourselves and others and try to live our lives without catastrophising everything, becasue we'll wake up one day when we're 70, having not died of some tragic disease yet and regret having never lived our without fear all the time. I wish you all the best and I really, really hope you find peace. Loves xo

[Baggs]

Welcome to the site. I hope you find as much help as I have. I wish you all the best.

Baggs

[andrea15]

Welcome. You'll find some great people here. Lots of support and advice.

Currently in a major panic about lung cancer. Am doing cbt but not finding it easy to change my thought patterns. I agreed with my therapist to stay off Google and I managed 2 hours. Its a serious addiction to Googling my symptoms.

Seeing my dr again next week. They are not concerned but Im worried they are missing something.

Had bowel cancer obsession in 2011/12. Ended up paying £700 for a scan that found nothing. Can't afford to do that this time and dr wont refer me anyway.

Feel free to read my threads. You'll see how bad I am

You are not alone.

Warning TMI! I performed my own rectal exam my anxiety was so terrible! You probably feel quite normal now

Andrea xx

[lily413]

Thank you all so much for your replies and reassuring words. Went to a different doctor today (One I had growing up who is also a family friend) who spent an hour with me. She too believes there is nothing wrong with me but is going to do some blood work just for further reassurance. I am going to take as much hope from this as possible. She advised me to do 7 11 breathing (in for 7, out for 11 whilst imaging the tension going away from each part of the body) She said even if it doesn't feel like it is helping the thinking part of your brain to relax it will be helping the primitive, emotional part of the brain - the one that sets off the fight or flight reaction. She also lent me a book called 'How to master your anxiety' by Joe Griffin and Ivan Tyrrell which uses the human givens approach. I'll let you know how that goes..
Now I'm worried because I have pressure in my neck, left side just below ear lobe. If I were a rational person I would think - well I have been clenching my teeth a lot and grinding them at night. But no. I am thinking that the cancer has spread to the lymph node in my neck because I have had a swolen lymph node there before from an infected ear piercing and it feels kind of the same. Perhaps a little swelling but not sure.
Mentioned it to doc today but forgot to ask her to feel it and now am stressing that I should have got her to check it.. Surely if she thought it was anything to worry about she would have checked it though right??

Andrea - I too have performed my own rectal examination...!! Never going to do that again!! What has made you worried about lung cancer? Wouldn't life just be so much more simple if we could just listen to the doctors and accept what they say? They are the experts here, not us! And I completely understand the Googling thing. I have got to the stage where my boyfriend has taken my laptop and phone away from me and I've started hiding myself away in the bathroom with it to do my research. So bad! Its literally an addiction. Let me know how it goes with the doc next week.

Rollergirl - Well done for being brave enough to hold out rushing to the doctor. I'm terrible for rushing straight to the doctor without even giving my head a chance to rationalise things. I have even been known to book appointments in anticipation of getting myself into such an anxiety state recently. How pathetic is that!! You're completely right, I really don't want to look back and be regretful that I wasted so much time being so scared. In a way I think what is the point of being so scared that I have cancer when I (probably) don't. I might as well enjoy life and what will be will be. Easier said than done though..