Anxious about staying alone?

[Lost2010]

Hi,

I'm not sure if anyone else has a similar thing but I get extremely anxious/panicky about being alone (in case I get ill). I've been fortunate in that I've lived with family over the past couple of years and haven't had to stay alone all that much.

However, we are now starting to get back to 'normal' so I'm trying to stay alone more. Although I find it very stressful when I am alone, I find I'm also constantly stressed because I know it's coming up. (To the point where it's affecting my physical health and thus heightening the fear of being ill).

Has anyone been through a similar thing? Or have any ideas how I can become more independent without making myself rundown and stressed about it?

[lizzie29]

I have this problem. I've nearly always been okay in the day but once it gets dark I get worse. I'm a lot better now than I was and stay on my own til around midnight often (I used to struggle to makeit til 9pm even). The only thing I can suggest is small steps. Stay on your own for an hour, and keepp repeating that. When that feels easy, try two hours. Keep busy in that time. Try to tell yourself that the times you HAVE been on your own, you've been fine. I know what you mean about the anticipation. I will spend weeks worrying about something coming up. It would be so much easier to push myself if I just worried at the actual time, but it's hard to put myself in situations where I know I will spend weeks worrying. Does that make sense?!

[Lost2010]

Absolutely know what you mean lizzie! If it was just the time you were alone that was stressful it would be bad enough but I can spend all month being anxious about one event.

Because I live with family (and can't really kick them out of there own house just cos I want to practise being alone lol) I'm only alone when 'forced' to be. I'm hoping to get a flatshare very close by so I can voluntarily practise and maybe feel a bit more in control but finances are holding me back a bit so not sure how to really make progress until then.

Glad you're doing better, that's great if you can stay on you're own until midnight. It sucks to feel reliant on other people and constantly wondering if their plans will change and you'll unexpectedly be on your own so well done for starting to overcome it.

[lizzie29]

That's really positive if you're thinking of getting a flatshare!

Do you know if there's anything particular you worry about? I know you said being ill, but is there a specific thing you think will happen? For me, it's the fear of having a panic attack. I feel like I need my "safe people" to support me if I panic. Logically, I know it's ME that stops the panic and it makes no difference who's around, but it's not easy to get my brain to believe that! I also know the reasons for panic, the fact that it's harmless etc, but again, my brain is stubborn!

I see what you mean about not being able to kick others out! Do you worry too when you're out on your own, as that may be a way to start taking steps?

[Lost2010]

I have a sickness phobia which I had mainly conquered but then spent 2-3 years with an undiagnosed chronic illness so unfortunately I do genuinely feel quite ill relatively often now (rather than just as a result of nerves). The delay in diagnosis meant that I was really ill + more anxious than ever before.

Although I've been diagnosed and getting treatment it's not 100% curable so trying to manage it plus stress makes it worse so it's a really vicious circle lol. I really struggle with being alone as 1. I fear getting ill because of the phoibia and 2. More of a rational fear that if I pass out or whatever (I get v dizzy, struggle to get my balance etc) then I could injure myself and no-one would be here or I wouldn't be able to get home.

I stopped going out at all but am gradually trying to do it, I do 2km a day on my own but don't go far from the house.

Totally know what you mean about being with your 'safe people' (I feel quite sorry for mine - they must be sick of me lol!). Do you manage to go out alone or mainly only with other people?

[luvlifensmile]

i love this thread!!! i too have a fear of being alone...i bought a house in october and haven't even slept there yet..Lost2010, i have almost similar reasons for not wanting to be alone...right before christmas, i had brain surgery and afterwards, stayed with my parents for the first 3 weeks and then started to return to my apartment on the weekends when my roommate was home from work and then would return to my parents through the week so i didn't have to stay alone at the apartment..i had done this up until 3 weeks ago when i returned to work..i am still at the apartment several nights by myself because my roomate works overnight shift...i sleep on the couch with the tv on so that i don't feel alone...some mornings he returns at 730am and i'll stay on the couch until he comes home because i have a fear of getting dizzy and passing out if i get up..i really fear the mornings that he works overtime and i'm left by myself to get up and getready for work..i also worry about getting a panic attack in the middle of the night when i am left alone...i am supposed to be oficially staying at my new house on the first of march because it is getting too expensive to pay for both places...i'm just a hot mess worrying about living there by myself...do either of you need a roommate in the united states lol :roflmao:

[Lost2010]

Lol, luvlifensmile get over to the UK and we can panic together!! You sound like you're actually doing well considering you had surgery so recently. It's hard when you're at the mercy of symptoms separate to the anxiety. When I was only dealing with anxiety a few years ago it was slow but I was gradually able to make progress. Now there is another actual physical illness going on it's really unpredictable. If I have a 'good' day it feels more by luck than anything else. eg. if I stay alone for 30mins and it goes ok that's not because of anything I did, it's because I was lucky the symptoms weren't bad at the time. Admittedly not a great outlook because it takes away my control and could give me an excuse not to try and push myself to do more.

Are you still suffering with the after effects of surgery? Hopefully as these ease your dizziness will decrease and you may gain a little more confidence back.

[luvlifensmile]

the only after effect i am having is fatigue at the end of the day (but not enough to make me tired at night, i have horrible insomnia)...the dizziness comes from my general anxiety/panic disorder..i think i have always had it plus i have always had horrible health anxiety and when i found out i needed surgery, it has made the health anxiety worse because now i believe there is something wrong with me every time i get an ache or pain...i had some friends help me move some things in to the new place today and as i stood there looking around at the beauty of it all, i started to panic just thinking about moving in

[Arnie365]

I've been through this. Not totally out the other side but much better. I have health anxiety about my heart so I hated being on my own day or night because I worried if I had a heart attack there was no one at home to call an ambulance. Because of this I avoided being at home as much as I could either walking round shops or visiting family and friends even ones I'd not seen for ages (not a bad ting I suppose!) but it was unhealthy as I feared it. I carried my phone around the house with me. I wouldn't nip upstairs without it just in case.

It's got a lot better over the past couple of weeks and yesteryear I was home alone all day and kept busy and the day flew by whereas they used to drag.

I think just doing it and trying to take your mind off it helps. Exposure really. It gets a little easier every time.

[lizzie29]

Sorry for late reply, have been ill for a few days.

I'm fine out and about on my own and travel up to two hours on my own for the day and am fine. Again, this is just due to small steps and taking it slowly. Overnights I'm no good at! But hope to be one day :-) Do you have a sort of time limit on how long you're okay for on your own?

[Anxious_gal]

I find being alone at night to be the worst. I get soo paranoid and just feel really unsafe. My anxiety is so much worse when I am alone, I get scared like what if I pass out or panic and there's like no one here to help me.
I'm alone in the day time but even then I can get soo anxious.

When I was last left alone for a few days and nights, I did ok the first night, but the next 2 nights I was just pacing the house and trying not to panic.
Now I've to spend another few days and nights alone and I'm so scared.
I don't have anyone to stay with me, I don't really know why I am scared.

I just think people are like herd animals, we feel safer especially at night time when we are in a group and not alone.

I find when I am alone, I'm like really aware of it.

[lizzie29]

Anxious gal - how are you doing? Are you on your own at the moment?
My fear is the same - what if i panic on my own. I know all the logic - it'll pass, I'll cope, etc but my brain doesn't always believe it!

[Rennie1989]

I don't mind being on my own, in fact I like having some 'me' time, but I know being on my own for too long isn't good for me. It gives me time to think and it often takes me to dark places, like remembering the days where I got bullied, and it sets off my panic attacks. Last time I was on my own I ripped so much hair out I made a massive bald patch (I'm a hair puller).

Unfortunately all my friends live far away and my partner and I work long unsociable hours so during my days off when he's working I'm often on my own for 12 hours. I have nowhere to go out to, especially if we're skint, so I get really lonely and I hate it :(

[evilimbic]

I'm the same - in fact I sometimes wonder if I'm more afraid of being on my own than the emet that appears to be my principle symptom? After all it's much easier to say to someone I need you around because I feel physically ill than I need you around because I'm scared :/ Though that of course would make the emet even harder to battle against because it performs a "useful" function. It only struck me recently when I walked past a house at dusk with the curtains open but in darkness and had a shudder of anxiety and then remember that even before my anxiety problems blew up I used to get that response - is there a long standing fear of nigh time isolation I wonder?

[lizzie29]

It's strange, because I can happily spend 12 hours in the day alone, yet give me 8pm to 11pm for example and I struggle. Logically, there's no difference, but somehow just knowing it's nighttime makes it harder. I still watch tv etc so it's not like i'm trying to sleep at that time in the quiet and dark, it just seems different. I suppose it must go back to those days of cavemen being scared of the dark in case something was out there - although I wouldn't say I have a fear of the dark, just of being alone in the evenings. Hmm, strange!