What if this ? , what if that ?

[GlobusGirl32]

The main questions of my everyday life.
Questioning rational things and irrational things.
My brain is exhausted, i feel like i gain a new mysterious symptom everyday.
It gets to be so much, it drains all the life from me. Im a usually very social person now i cant be around more than two at a time.
-What if today is the day my throat really does close?
-What if everyone in my life leaves me cause i really am worthless?
-What if as ll these new medicines do more harm than good?
-What if i gain a lot of weight?
This is CONSTANT, mixed with no sleep im starting to feel manic.
There a good days then there are WORSE.
Today was a horrible day,
It still is pretty horrible.
How am i suppose to live with this for the rest of my life?
WHAT IF i cant?

[han76]

what if you go to the doctor and discuss this ?
what if the doctor says this is not how your head should work ?
what if the doctor finds the right med to stop your spiraling mind ?
what if that faulty part of your brain has a rest from the Aniexty questions ?
what if you start to live a normal life again ?
what if you don't have to live like this ?
what if I tell you all of these thing can happen.
you will always be you. nobody is worthless. your throat will not close it's not medically possible. if people leave they didn't deserve you. exhaustion causes mania that's why sleep deprivation used as torture. make sleep your focus everything else will calm. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems with sleep deprivation. take every day as it comes. Baby steps. even if each day only has one good thing its worth it.Even if that one good thing is your horrible day will make tomorrow seem good. chin up honey we all have dark days. Surviving them makes you stronger big hugs Hannah x x

[GlobusGirl32]

You are right. I know. Your reply was very helpful. My doctors are great, my therapists are great. Tapering off Effexor which is very hard. Just got prescribed serequel for sleep, klonopin for anxiety & OCD and Prozac. Im not used to meds, and im definitely not used to my anxiety and such. I know its going to be a process but my mind is alot stronger than its ever been. It just brings me so low. So much going on and so little i can take.

Baby steps is so right. Im trying. Thank you for your kind words.

[Emphyrio]

I hate these kind of 'what if' feelings. Recently I bought a pair of trousers which I had to take back to the shop. I then started wondering to myself 'what if I never find any clothes that fit again' (I have always been very selective about what I wear as things often don't 'feel' right). I then felt horribly depressed for a few days and felt hopeless about life in general, though now I'm feeling a bit better. These feelings pass in due course.

How bad is your insomnia? I'd be wary with the seroquel - its an antipsychotic and can have some nasty side effects. I'd only take it if insomnia is really bad. Prozac worked for me. No sure about klonopin though but I know that like all benzodiazepine meds it can be habit forming - so use sparingly if you can.

[Bill]

When I think "what if", I try to replace it with "so what" and try to forget it because often there's nothing you can do about a worry but if something can be done, I'll sort it so I can stop worrying about it.

Sometimes when you're standing on a cliff edge in front of a beautiful red sunset, you just have to let go and enjoy the sunset rather than dwell on worrying if you fall off or life can never be enjoyed as it should be.

I know it's difficult though.

[GlobusGirl32]

I hate these kind of 'what if' feelings. Recently I bought a pair of trousers which I had to take back to the shop. I then started wondering to myself 'what if I never find any clothes that fit again' (I have always been very selective about what I wear as things often don't 'feel' right). I then felt horribly depressed for a few days and felt hopeless about life in general, though now I'm feeling a bit better. These feelings pass in due course.

How bad is your insomnia? I'd be wary with the seroquel - its an antipsychotic and can have some nasty side effects. I'd only take it if insomnia is really bad. Prozac worked for me. No sure about klonopin though but I know that like all benzodiazepine meds it can be habit forming - so use sparingly if you can.

Yea havent taken the serequel yet the klonopin makes me sleepy but doesnt keep me asleep. Ill sleep for about an hour then im up forever after that. 3am to 8am are the worst hours to just be wide awake. I worry about the insomnia only cause my manic behavior lately. It makes my mind race more than usually and my anxiety more edgy. Its just such a process to get through the day. I want to believe i got this, i lived such a 'normal' life for so long but there is just no support over here and so many issues going on that dont make what im suffering easy at all by any means.

[Arnie365]

Catastrophic thinking is one of my worst anxiety symptoms because it can trigger panic, have you had CBT? It's almost stopped this thought pattern for me.

[ricardo]

Great advise from han. I know it's easier said than done and will take time but you will get there.The mind plays devilish tricks on us. Good luck.

[GlobusGirl32]

Catastrophic thinking is one of my worst anxiety symptoms because it can trigger panic, have you had CBT? It's almost stopped this thought pattern for me.

Ive read about it and i am really interested in it, im gonna ask my doctor about it tomorrow. I need as much help as i can get at this point.
Im only 23 and i dont live no type of life.

[iamlove]

yes this is one of the worst symptoms of anxiety, i lived with it for years before seeking help and getting on meds. i used to think the worst would happen from every situation. since starting on citalopram about a year ago it has improved so much, the only thing that triggers it off again is after i have had a night on the drink, then i get it for over a week really bad. i no longer drink anymore because its just not worth the hell i go through after.

[han76]

You are right. I know. Your reply was very helpful. My doctors are great, my therapists are great. Tapering off Effexor which is very hard. Just got prescribed serequel for sleep, klonopin for anxiety & OCD and Prozac. Im not used to meds, and im definitely not used to my anxiety and such. I know its going to be a process but my mind is alot stronger than its ever been. It just brings me so low. So much going on and so little i can take.

Baby steps is so right. Im trying. Thank you for your kind words.

I have had the sleep deprivation mania babe. weeks and months of broken sleep build making you manic and less rational by the day. I was prescribed anti psychotic to quote help me sleep it's a side effect that quickly wares off. if your anything like I was docs are hiking your meds to deal with behaviour that wouldn't occur if you were not completely exhausted Ask your docs about sedating anti histamine you can buy it over the counter branded sominex in the UK. 25-50mg knocked me straight out. The benzos I was on diazepam disrupted rem sleep. so I never felt rested and withdrawl was nasty. you may be on med that does similar. huge huge hugs honey the sleep deprivation mania were my darkest days think I am just a few steps ahead and sleeping again. waiting for cbt and more med hikes and additions. But sleep has made so much difference. When your there and finally you get good sleep every day you will calm and relax no eyes on the horizon each day as it comes x x

[tamo]

Hi , CBT is a wonderful therapy but you need to work at what they teach you , helped me immensely . Drink !! your right its not good for us .

Best wishes