Any agoraphobics around? [Archive]

Meggy

06-09-06, 20:28

Yes, I am, have been for years but off and on. I have an excuse now which is I'm an epileptic. The ONE good thing about being epileptic - people "get it" why I don't want to leave the house. But that's never really it. Bad me.

Years ago I went to a free class on how to overcome phobias. At that time my phobia was being stuck on an elevator. I was when immensely pregnant. When they pried the doors open? I didn't have the nerve to climb out, knowing the elevator would drop, cut me in half. I think that's when my agoraphobia started.

If I keep going out? I do much better. For me it's just the thought of it mainly. The ACT of leaving the house. Often once I'm out I'm ok, but sometimes I have panic attacks. I do much better with all these little "rules" I have to manage the fear. For instance one thing I absolutely can not do is sit anywhere but at the end of an aisle in the movie or like church. If I can't? I leave.

I was raped 3 years ago and since then I can get extremely hypervigilant. I didn't even know what I felt was a word, a symptom until I joined here. Again one of my rules is if I feel like someone dangerous is behind me say in a grocery line? I dump my cart of groceries and walk out with no guilt, unbelievable relief.

I'm not saying any of the things I do are healthy or the way to manage it. It's just the way that I do. I do seize in public, it upsets those I'm with but in honesty? It doesn't me. But it sure is a handy excuse not to go out and I don't like that deception.

I DO make myself go out but I can have the "willies" big time the whole time or have a full blown panic attack. . Bless your heart I do know it is very hard. I'm in behavioral modification now for something else. Every time I attend I swear I'm going to tell them how hard it is for me to walk out the door, go somewhere. So far I haven't been able to, but at least I'm still trying, I do hate it I feel my house is my prison but the opposite, going out, sometimes is far worse.

I DO have a service dog and taking her with me helps me a great deal. There are service dogs for people with agoraphobia. Perhaps you should look into that. Reputable places don't charge. I train service dogs for epileptic children and donate them for instance.

Good luck in dealing with this. Tis not much fun. My husband just left for a very frightening doctor's appt - without me. I could not make myself get ready, walk out that door and really I have no idea what I'm afraid of. Our marriage is far from perfect but this he does understand somehow. I'm going thru a very insecure time in my life with health problems and my phobias have ratcheted up in high gear not surprisingly but maddenly.

Meggy

honeybee3939

06-09-06, 20:44

Hi Sara

Im agorophobic also, i have good and bad days, but have improved over the the years.

Love

Andrea
xxx

belle

06-09-06, 20:56

Thank the Lord i am not alone!!!!
Agoraphobia gets pretty damn lonely at times, especially when no one around you understands. My husband is "normal" and gets angry that i can only go as far as the town with him (1 1/2miles). Hes a non-driver so if i panic, i can't drive, how will i get home!? We can't afford for him to take lessons so were in a catch 22 situation. My only friend has completely disowned me and i am probably at my lowest that i've been in a while. I just want friends, people to come and see me, but who wants a friend that cant leave the house??

Sarah.

FOR MEGGY: Goodness, you've been through a crap load and here i am moaning about me. I should be thankful for what i do have. Sorry.

Meggy

06-09-06, 22:06

Sarah really I do believe this. What ever it is you're going thru? Iti's the very worst thing for you. Phobias, anxiety attacks, OCD, all the rest? Aren't comparable individual to individual. Life for me is difficult right now but I also kwow from my life, and others, life is never static, always morphing, and my problems will too. What is THE worst for me? Isn't for you. Is my agoraphapobia worse than yours or others? It would take King Solomen to decide. What is bad for you? Is the very worst thing for you. I really believe that.I don't experience your life but I respect it. Hopefully and very obviously being a new member here? I believe that. Now probably I can say that my computer is acting up FAR worse than yours(big smile).

ONE person on an epilepsy forum one time posted her frustrations with seizures and it did make me mad. There are some people, few in number I believe firmly believe, that perhaps have had such a charmed life that any burp or hiccup along the way is a catastrophe and those? I have very little use for. She had FOUR seizures a year that are for sure the"small"seizures. I have big seizures , debilititaing seizures, multiple every day. I still have a life, as much as I can. She did not. She waited at home, wondering why she didn't qualify for Disability, in quaking fear - she'd have a 1 minute simple partial. I and many have srveral a DAY! GIVE ME A BREAK! Yeah, well, her post of anguish hit me and effected others in a sore spot. The only time a post did.

Hang in there. I will too!

Meggy

belle

06-09-06, 22:26

Thanks :)

net

07-09-06, 15:43

hi sarah

i've had agorophobia on and off for 23 years it is something people dont understand and it is very lonely as people dont stop going out they just stop asking if you want to go. at the moment i'm able to leave the house.

meggy i agree some people seem to complain about the slightest thing i have m.e which leaves me exhausted, in a lot of pain and some days i cant get out of bed or walk but i know someone who gets a twinge and says it hurts i feel like saying to her if only you knew what real pain is like. yet i do far more than she does.

netty

the dreams of the future are better than the history of the past

Wannabeloved85

07-09-06, 16:58

ooohhh!! i dunno what to say about this! as i am deffinetly one of those ppl who get a muscle twitch and think im someone special and about to die!
Firstly, we dont do it on purpose, we do know that there are ppl out ther who suffer far worse, but we are designed to look after ourselfs, so when alarm bells ring, they ring! Were not selfish to other peoples suffering, far from it.
Were just so uptight and involved in our own safety that we dont want it taken away.
Becci x

Meggy

07-09-06, 17:10

Thank you Becci for your post. It is always good to hear MORE from people like yourself. In fact I am lined up for brain surgery and am scared witless. However what am worried about and posted about? Melanoma However many doctors say it doesn't exist yet I'm sure it does - sigh. You have educated me and put things into perspective I understand. It is me who said your problem is the worst problem I believe. I should live it then. Thank you for your post.

Meggy

Jaren

23-09-06, 21:02

I'm Jaren, a university student at Ryerson University in Canada. I am taking a research methods class where I have to find someone with agoraphobia. I won't have to interview your or anything like that, just get in touch and possibly make a new friend. If anyone would be kind enough to help me out, please email me at jfolden@ryerson.ca
thanks alot!
jaren

Wannabeloved85

23-09-06, 22:07

Meggy,

Ive only just seen your reply, and im sorry but i dont understand it?

becci x

aggy

27-09-06, 19:32

Hi sarah

no your not alone, there are many of us out there. my agoraphobia is a result of my panic disorder. i have a safety zone of about 20 minutes from home (in certain directions !!). and am nearly 2 years into this disorder. i lost my job, my partner left and most of my friends just got on with their lives so i have had minimal support except from one very dear friend.

i am begining to not be such a cowardy custard and tried a train ride with my friend the other day and it nearly done me in !!! however, this is major progress for me and i am trying to work towards getting my life back again.

i just cant seem to override the fear......

SHERLOCK

28-09-06, 15:32

Well I haven't been shopping for weeks in Tesco and haven't been that far from home either, But my therapist suggested i just went inside Tesco and got a paper, and come out , well I managed to do that, this morning not on my own, got hubby to be my prop so to speak, but I feel absolutely shattered this afternoon feel as if I've climbed a mountain.

belle

28-09-06, 22:20

Aggy - is that 20 minutes alone or with help?
Alone i have a mile safety zone which is a bit crap but with someone, so far i went as far as Cambridge shopping with my mum and that is about an hour or just over and i went to Clacton last year and thats about an hour away too!
I went to Heathrow to collect a friend from the airport and that took about 2 hours, but i'd taken a travel sick pill to make me sleepy, just as well really, we were stuck in traffic for 80% of the journey!!!!!!!!!

aggy

29-09-06, 11:46

hi sarah, mostly alone. i did take a 20 minute train ride but had a friend with me thankfully as it was very very nervewracking......

you seem to be doing okay though, do you try to go a little bit further every now and then ? i couldnt imagine going so far but i wished i could. mayb one day

belle

29-09-06, 16:51

I do *try* when i am feeling okay, but the thing is i drive an old L reg car and i don't feel that safe in it, i am looking to purchase a newer car, i am hoping that will give me the security that i am after when driving.
Last year before i got my car i borrowed my mothers and was able to drive a little further without panicking - so after i spend all my money, i hope it will worth it :)

aggy

29-09-06, 20:58

i think i'd be more willing to try and break outa my safety zone if i could drive. have a friend who suffers with PD and had agoraphobia for about 9 months but she is fine now as long as she can drive.

unfortunately, i use public transport or cabs. am thinking about learning to drive once i get a handle on this disorder. til then its the buses for me and oh my that can be very trying at times.........the thing is i think i can 'taste' my freedom, just need to focus, find some courage and maybe a little help from a friend. am sick and tired of feeling so sick and tired and having my 'real' life put on hold.

how are you with 'traffic'?..... sitting on the bus in traffic is a killer for me but i am getting a little better. sometimes i can manage, other times i try to see whats ahead and maybe get off the bus and walk the rest !!!!!

freakedout

30-09-06, 02:14

Hi all,

Its such a strange thing, better somedays than others. I very rarely go anywhere unacompanied. Doctors appointment is usually the only place. I too have safety zones, when driving for example, will not drive anywhere unfamiliar, and being stopped at a junction or traffic lights with cars behind brings on panic, if I had the balls to get out of my car and run I would!! I just feel so trapped. Dont do public transport. Cannot cope with queues, waiting rooms, busy shops, crowds, my own garden some days.

Cannot be a passenger in another car, cannot do hairdressers, oh there are all sorts of things I avoid, the list just goes on. Havent worked for 18mths due to it and I first started with my panic attacks around 12yrs ago.

Of course, I could push myself into all of the above situations and more, exposing myself to my fears, but have done this actually over the years and got to the point where it is far less traumatic and stressful to avoid, and I now firmly believe that I will never get over my fears.

It just means I have to make the most of the better days. I am just pathetic really!!

Anyway take care!

Freaky

belle

30-09-06, 19:13

Hi...
Traffic for me alone is a NO NO.
However i travelled to Heathrow last November and in rush hour with my parents to collect a friend and was stuck in chronic traffic for hours. I had taken a travel sick pill beforehand so i was very sleepy.

"Freakedout". You are defnitely NOT pathetic!
I am better as a passenger. I've done the hairdressers once in 8 years and that was last year, also the dentist is a massive problem to me, but unfortunately because i was terrified i now have a mouthful of knackered teeth that need "extensive" work :(
Great.

Sarah x

aggy

02-10-06, 13:26

@ freaked out - youre far from being pathetic. at this point in time it feels more manageable for you not to place too much stress on yourself.....i can see the logic. we are all different and experience agoraphobia in differing ways. always work to your manageability level and dont take on board others shoulda, coulda's.

i think that because i was always a very impatient person pre-agoraphobia this is now magnified 100 times over.....i hated queuing etc and i feel the same way about , traffic etc.

i had to go to the dentist (on my own) a while back because the teeth (huh!) were starting to hurt. got the lecture from the dentist, had 4 injections because i found out that one didnt work :(, a tooth taken out and one filled.....all this whilst in varying levels of panic. i came out of there in tears and had to have a brandy when i got home as i felt traumatised by the whole situation.......but i got there and did it (cowardy custard that i am!!!) and so can you..

belle

02-10-06, 15:01

For me, the best way to cope with dental work is sedation. Since last July i've had 2 wisdom teeth and one molar out under sedation and its great :)
I've got another tooth due to be taken out within the next month and hopefully the "extensive" work will be done the same way - with me "out of it"....lol
Sarah.

aggy

02-10-06, 18:49

oooh, i have to give you props sarah, wisdom teeth extraction is notoriously painful, but you did it whether sedated or not.

yikes !!!!

as much as our brains are rewired to think catastrophically, the truth of the matter, in many instances, is that we will not come to any harm......maybe a little (okay, or a lot) of discomfort but WE WILL SURVIVE THE EXPERIENCE.

mackncody

02-10-06, 19:55

Ahh Sarah I know what you mean! I had to have my wisdom teeth out(all) a few months ago and I was freaking out so much they had to give me laughing gas then wait then give me my anithesia(sp?) which was the full-knock you out and wake up an hour later and have no clue for the whole day whats going on deal. But.... the sleeping was nice as I have insomina!

"Raises hand for agoraphobic count" [8D]

If nothing else...I will survive.

To: SSJHSMH-U are light and my heart and strength. I will protect you in this life or the next always.

NPS_Paul

14-10-06, 09:14

I'm a recovered Agoraphobic. Happy to help anyone....

Love to all members

emster

15-10-06, 10:01

you can add me to your collection of agoraphobes, i've had it just over three years. i know what you mean about it being lonely, not going out much makes it nigh impossible to make new freinds unfortunately:( another catch 22 cos if you went out and met people it would probably help you to recover[Sigh...]

belle

15-10-06, 21:26

Three years, thats quite a while.
How are you in your recovery? Can you actually leave the house alone or do you have to go with someone?
I attempted a night out with a girl last November, i lasted about two hours and started panicking and had to leave!
Agoraphobia is poo.

Sarah

pamela

19-10-06, 09:01

Hello yes I was agrophobic, I always used to take my bike with me thinking that if I felt bad I could get home quick. I used to feel as if I wasnt in this world when walking out and many a time I stood frozen not knowing what way to go in panic and really wanted not to be there. Even going a few miles in a car was hard for me, I couldn,t breeth or walk when I tried to get out the car. Most doctors etc tell you to learn relaxation technics, but try doing it when in that position.
I really feel for everyone going through it wish I could help.

love pam

pcurchin

belle

19-10-06, 13:41

Pamela..
You *WAS* agoraphobic - how did you recover?

Sarah

NPS_Paul

21-10-06, 21:35

This site is begining to sadden me. As always i start with such high hopes, people in need and i have the answer and really want to help. I've been there you see, 8 years of Agoraphobia, but more importantly I've recovered.
I joined did afew posts and had personal messages saying they really wanted my help. So i give it and then either nothing or people want to be friends but not actually do anything to face their fear.

The answer to phobia is:

FACE YOUR FEAR : the Agoraphobic obviously needs to go out
STAY IN THE SITUATION : feel the symptoms however horrid
REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT : as many times a day every day

I know getting started is not easy. I wasted 8 years. I know you need as much support as possible. I'm willing to give it. Anything - time energy money. Why does noone want to be cured?
It's probably lovely spending all day on this site swopping pleasantries, but did you come here originally to get help and then leave/ go out in the big wide world? Why did you stay?
I've been on afew site that begin with good intentions of helping people and all have ended up - probably through no fault of those who started them - by sucking people in and KEEPING THEM THERE. It always worries me when a Moderator is unable to beat their own fear. It doesn't stop them being the greatest Moderator in the world, of starting new topics and making people feel good, but what example does it set to new members?
If those who post most and are senior members can't beat their own fear, how can a reply from them help any sufferer RECOVER.
I don't know, i may get into trouble on this site for posting this. It may even be removed before anyone else can read it. But i'm hear to help people recover. I'll tell them how, encourage them to begin and be there daily if they want.
MODERATORS - if you want to RECOVER please post here where everyone can see and i'll support you. Set the example. Face your fear today, tomorrow and never turn aside. Because if you won't even try, what hope have the people who join got.
The SUCCESS section also worries me. RECOVERY is success. Not a good day followed by return to normal.
I say all the above in love. Perhaps i don't belong here. I am recovered and can make friends anywhere i want to! I MAKE time to come here because i relate to peoples problems of phobia and hopelessness. But i'm not looking to waste hours being friendly without people at least puting in some effort to RECOVERY. I actually think i've only seen one post of a recovered person.
I'd really like to see SENIOR members and MODERATORS recovering and posting from experience, not of failure and what tv, books or the latest doctor they saw said.
God bless, i fear the response will be negative to this post, as its easier to attack that listern and face your fear. Love to all readers, Paul.

Love to all members

bobsy

22-10-06, 16:04

Hi there paul

I have left a message on another thread about agoraphobia.

We all know what we have to do to get over this problem and i was wondering if you could enlighten us on what techniques you used when in panic mode

bobsy

trac67

22-10-06, 16:38

AARRGGHHH, why are we being named yet again !!!!!!

Just becuase we are moderators doesn't mean we can recover any quicker than anyone else, I have been trying to get rid of this for 9 years now, you make it sound like we don't want to do anything about it.

If it was as easy as facing our fears then hey none of us would be here.

Do you know our circumstances? our backgrounds? why we started to suffer in the first place? no so you cannot judge us I am afraid.

But hey it was a good post if you wanted to piss the mods off, well done.

Trac

'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'

scoobygirl2005

22-10-06, 16:46

Hm... Paul I don't think that was a fair statement you made about senior members and mods, saying that you don't think mods should be mods if they haven't recovered is ridiculous.

You said that how can senior members and mods possibly help people by replying to a post if they haven't recovered? Well thats ridiculous as well, just because none of us has recovered that doesn't mean we can't give good advice that would help people, you are wrong when you say how could it help others, we have plenty of good advice to give from experiences etc. and it does help people.

I am not cured but I reply to topics that I have an experience in and I believe some of the things I say does help people, so I don't think it was very fair you saying that if none of us senior members/mods have recovered that what we say isn't much help.

Scooby2005.

trac67

22-10-06, 16:50

Oh and one more thing, I do want to recover, so if you think you can help me do that, go ahead and give it your best shot, as I would love to be able to do the things with my kids that I can't at the minute, I would love to go to town, to the cinema, on holiday, all the things people who don't suffer with this can.

Trac

'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'

clickaway

22-10-06, 17:00

You have left me speechless, Paul!

I'm not even sure I should be wasting my breath and risk RSI over your stupid and unfounded remarks.

You seem to think that us MODERATORS have some special given quality, well no, Paul, we are just like anyone else. MODERATORS have crap days and sometimes can't perform miracles as we are actually HUMAN!

Us people called MODERATORS actually are more in tune with so many people here as we have not recovered and are sharing their pain every day.

Everyone on this site can support each other whether they are fully recovered, going through hell, or somewhere in between. Many do. The only special powers MODERATORS have is to see fair and orderly play on this site.

Hmmmm....

Ray

http://www.anxietyrelease.org.uk/

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

nomorepanic

22-10-06, 17:03

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">This site is begining to sadden me. As always i start with such high hopes, people in need and i have the answer and really want to help. I've been there you see, 8 years of Agoraphobia, but more importantly I've recovered.</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

I am sad to read that you are sad about this site and I don't really understand why. Why don't you start a new thread and post about how you overcame agoraphobia and what worked for you etc.

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote"> Why does noone want to be cured? </td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Bit harsh Paul. No-one WANTS to feel like they do and people do the best they can to overcome their issues. There is no miracle cure that will fix everything overnight and I am sure you know that personally.

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">It's probably lovely spending all day on this site swopping pleasantries, but did you come here originally to get help and then leave/ go out in the big wide world? Why did you stay? </td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

People stay here because they get support, advice, praise, experience, tips, comfort ... anything they want and some people need all of this during their good and bad times.

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I've been on afew site that begin with good intentions of helping people and all have ended up - probably through no fault of those who started them - by sucking people in and KEEPING THEM THERE. </td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Blimey you make it sound as though I started some form of religious sect here and people are not allowed to recover or move on. I am NOT keeping people here. How can you say that Paul. People come and stay here cos they want to.

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote"> It always worries me when a Moderator is unable to beat their own fear. It doesn't stop them being the greatest Moderator in the world, of starting new topics and making people feel good, but what example does it set to new members? </td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

So have you read up on every moderator and what their issues are then? How do you know we haven't recovered? We are not teachers in a school here, we are normal everyday people that suffer in some form or another. I have only one issue remaining in my anxiety life and I am working at overcoming that so how can you say we are not beating our own fear?

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">If those who post most and are senior members can't beat their own fear, how can a reply from them help any sufferer RECOVER.</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote"></font i

Melxxx

22-10-06, 18:47

Paul,

Your post has saddened me. In fact it made me cry which is a good thing for me because I now I have feelings and empathy back for people which I had lost.

Paul, I have agoraphobia which in hindsight was brought on by a combination of things firstly In November last year I lost my Father to Cancer than just three weeks later my Mother in law died of the same Cancer. Than In February My Farther in law died and in March my mother was told she had breast cancer and to top it all I have been supporting a family member who is suicidal and one day I had enough and did’t answer the phone I just wanted to go park for the day free of worry with my nephew he took an overdose of pills which left me feeling guilt ridden.

As most people do I carried on thought I was fine still they’re everyday to support, which seemed a roll I was good at and liked. I was going out more out more and drinking more then I had my first panic attack and slowly got so bad I just wanted to pull the bed covers over my head and not face the world again.

Went to the doctors had all kinds of tests as we do he was really worried about me because I had not been too see him for 12 years but still nothing was showing up on the tests paid to see a councillor which my another doctor advised.

Then I found this site and I thank god I did

After 7 mouths I could see light at the end of tunnel I read all the home page this information was invaluable it made me see exactly what was wrong with me and made me realise I was not ill and to accept was the start of getting better, I Asked questions about my heath worries, which put my mind at rest. Have you read the Home page Paul?

Brought books that other people recommend on here. Bit by bit I started to face my fears.

So what this site has done for me:

1, Accept I have nervous illness

2. Helped me understand why our bodies react in this way when we are stressed

3. Reassurance that I am not going mad.

4. Made me feel like I am not on my own anymore.

5. With all the breathing techniques and other skills I have leaned off the wonderful people who take the time and trouble to post I can over come my panic now. Thanks to Nic’s CBT dairy I can now drive again.

6, I am getting out more and more but Paul over coming agoraphobia does not have a time limit we each recover and face our fears differently we just have to learn form each other.

7. Put me on the road to recovery and I will beat this I am waiting now for CBT, which again I would never have heard of if I had not read about it on this site.

8 Stopped me drinking helped me change my diet yes all this form the home page.

9 made me realise I am not indisputable and everyone has a breaking point and how to see the signs so this never happens again.

I have now found out I have overactive Thyroid and it was again a member on here who is dealing with her own issues thank you Karen that took the time to help me and put my mind at rest. How kind was that.

The Admins do a good job Paul please take the time to read some of there personal stories and you will see how well. How many times have we seen a therapist who has not even had a panic attack or suffered anxiety? There is one thing we all have in common here we know exactly how the other person posting is feeling and many stay on to help. I am facing my fears and found your post insulting to be honest to the people who are fighting to get better and lovely people who take there time to help run this site.

Melxxx

Piglet

22-10-06, 19:06

Dumbfounded!!! :(

Piglet

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

honeybee3939

22-10-06, 19:23

Hi Paul,

Firstly it saddens me to read this post.

It took you 8 years to "Face your Fears" Which is along time, so you cant expect everyone on this site to do it straight away!
I have been Agoraphobic for 11 years now, and it wasnt until i found this site in the last 12 months that things began to improve for me, from been house bound, i can now: Drive my car, go on a bus, i go to work, i go to the gym, go out with my children,etc,etc! All this in 12 months!there are still things i am challenging but i am nearly there, if it hadnt been for this site im sure i would have still been sat at home feeling sorry for myself!
The people on this site are some of the nicest people i have ever met, and i am so privilaged to be a part of it all.

You asked in your post that you would like to see a Moderator/ Admin respond to recovery,so there you go you dont have to worry about a Moderator/Admin beat thier own fear anymore because i have ! thanks to all these lovely people !

Take Care

love from a just about recovered!

Andrea
xxx

Sue K with 5

22-10-06, 19:57

Im rarely left speechless as many of you know but this time I do not know what to say !!

sue

xxx

scknight

trac67

22-10-06, 20:26

I do Sue but it would all come out likr $****&%***

Love

Trac a MODERATOR who is desperate to recover and is trying her bloody hardest to do it too

'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'

Piglet

22-10-06, 20:52

I've just had a long hot relaxing bath and now feel able to string a few words together.

I wanted to say how I view the site so that you may see how others are thinking. I found the site about eighteen months ago and the relief was enormous. I have suffered with anxiety for 6 years and only the last year has been particularly bad on the agoraphobia front - you are some years ahead of me there!

The site

I see the site as a drop in centre, a place for anyone suffering from panic/anxiety and related issues to find a friendly ear and some top information on the home pages. We are all on our own personal journey in our efforts to improve our lives but how lovely to get some support with our endevours along the way! :D

Admin/moderators role

Admins are appointed to oversee the smooth running of the site to assist Nic. To remove offensive posts and generally keep things tidy if you will. Our role is not to pretend in anyway that we are experts or professionals, the role is a purely voluntary role. I honestly think you may have confused our roles or have expectations which I am so sorry but we cannot fill.

I have made many good friends on here and don't believe in life anyone can have too many friends or pass up on an opportunity to make new ones, which is why many of us stay.

I leave the professional work to those who have had the training and are paid to do so - meanwhile if anyone needs a hug I've got a few of those going.

You remind me a little of an ex smoker - they are always hard on the ones who haven't managed it yet too.

Piglet

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

belle

22-10-06, 21:13

Oh my goodness. What the heck was that all about?
I am EIGHT years from when my agoraphobia started and NO ONE in the world can tell me "i haven't tried" or "i don't want to recover".
I've gone from being housebound completely for TWO years and that included....no talking on the phone, (couldn't cook for the fear of the smell would make me sick, that would be my emetophobia), no one in my house apart from IMMEDIATE family (my mother, son and my husband), would NEVER answer the door and at one point i couldn't even get up the stairs. And now, i can get my son to his school, albiet only minutes away, i can go shopping with my mother quite happily without any worries but i'm STILL working on going out alone. I've done ALL THAT recovering - so NEVER say "WE DON'T WANT TO GET BETTER". Its a constant fight as all sufferers know. Surely as a fellow sufferer you should realise how HARD it is!!!!

...

Sarah

nomorepanic

22-10-06, 21:37

Sarah

Sorry your post got hijacked but I felt I had to reply to Paul and so did a few other people too.

People will forget what you said
People will forget what you did
But people will never forget how you made them feel

Nicola

belle

22-10-06, 22:25

No worries Nicola :)

Ross

23-10-06, 19:39

*blinking smilie* Paul = Full of sh1t IMQFHO!

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Is There Really Gravity, Or Does Earth Just Suck?

eeyorelover

24-10-06, 03:57

Ok - ummmm - what to say???? WOW- that felt kinda like a shot between the eyes to everyone on the site that isn't recovered and still coping with anxiety. Which in itself kinda makes me wonder how you could feel that way when you yourself knows how anxiety feels and what an enormous daily struggle it can be.

You say that you want the mods and senior members to post that they want to recover. Well, I personally want nothing more than to be free of anxiety.
And if you had taken the time to get to know me - you would know that I am (as are most on this site) working at it every day.

I believe that by posting our fears and getting responses from other members that it helps us to defeat those fears.

I have spent many nights searching thru this site, finding posts on my personal issues that I stuggle with for a few reasons. Number 1, it helps to know that I am not alone and that others have been where I am, feeling the way I do and - Number 2 - when I read that Nic, for example, was able to drive after having such a hard time with it ( which is one of my biggest fears) I had enough confidence to drive myself to work which I never thought I would be able to conquer.

I am a mod on this site. I am proud of that fact!! I am just as proud of the fact that I am making daily breakthoughs against anxiety. I am not recovered and don't know if or when that will ever happen. But I feel better about myself daily in the little triumphs against anxiety.

As far as the part of your post that involved 'sucking people in and keeping them there'. We have had several members that have gotten their anxiety under control and have moved on. I miss them but am so happy and thankful that they have moved on and don't need this site anymore. That may sound weird to you but it's true because we all want the best for each other here.

You say that if I can't beat my own fear then how can I reply to other's posts... Well if someone posts about a fear that I share than I can at least tell them that I have that same fear and maybe they won't feel so alone!!!
I believe that sites like these are important - not because we have all the answers or some miracle 'RECOVERY' method but because panic/anxiety, PTSD, health anxiety, and depression are isolating conditions. Some feel like they have no one they can talk to about these things in their lives and here there is a support system. People who TRUELY care. Who have been there and know how difficult it is.

Some have recovered - some are in the process, and some are just starting to realize what they can do to beat these things.
We all have something to contribute on this site. Whether it be personal experiences, therapies that have helped, or just brightening things up by posting something funny or silly. We give each other hugs when we are having a bad day and we give each other praise when we have overcome something that we never thought we could.

It's great that you have found a program or whatever that has worked for you and I am so glad that you have 'recovered'. But to tell you the truth, I would much rather you let us know how you overcame your fears than choosing to post a 'poo poo' post about how you think we should be.

I would like to also remind you of a reply that you posted recently ...
"My advice to other members is when one of our own is in pain rally to their support and don't go into the issues in other topics or the past."
Hmmmmm I wonder if that was you that said that or if someone had hijacked your computer to post that because you sounded so supportive in that reply and so condiscending and unsympathetic in this one!!!!
xxx
Sandy

kate

24-10-06, 22:56

No hope for me then after 20 odd years of panic [:O]

kate

"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"

surreylady

25-10-06, 00:00

I want to say something about Paul's post...... firstly it was upsetting to hear you say that people dont want to recover, and i want to make a very important point....
With the help, encouragement and support, empathy and ghoodwill I received from this site my panic attacks have all but gone and I have taken my place in the world again.
I had nowhere to turn and nobody understood my panic like the people here, and i posted all my little successes, and how great it was to have people understand how big those little things were!
Thanks to all who have helped me on here so much, I love the people on this site and the moderators do a fantastic job, well done all of you!
Like my mother used to say, "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing". I like to be here to help people, but I certainly would never tell anyone they dont want to recover, of course they do!

love to all, sorry to rant

Mandy xxx

positive attitude brings positive results

belle

26-10-06, 13:15

Recovery IS hard and for me it started to happen when i felt the time was right.
During my housebound years i was having therapists come to my house every week to see me and try and get me out but at that time - i was NOT ready for that step, so i told them that i believed they were wasting their time on basically a person who was too phobic to change.
I guess in some ways its the same as someone with an addiction, to make a difference, you HAVE to want to, and thank God that finally happened to me. I did hit rock bottom and i knew from there, the only way was up.
Still only 1/3 of the way up, i WILL get there :)
SarahC

Paddington

26-10-06, 16:09

I am notgoing to attempt to defend this site as it is above such rambling that i can blather forth BUT I WILLTELL YOU THAT WITHOUT IT I WOULD BE A DRUNKEN SNIVVELING WRECK!I was desoerate when i came here..lonely ,terrified of everything!Now ..i go out ,i go to concerts, i can go shopping,i remember what i have done as i dont have to be drunk and full of drugs to do it!THIS SITE AND ALLTHE PEOPLE ON IT ARE WONDERFUL!You jouned a site that doea not deal in one upmanship or self righteous behavior.We ALL support each other..i dont say fully recovered as one NEVER knows what is round the corner,but i accept me for whoi am ans i am nolonger afraid of my fear!I AM STILL HER ,WILLALWAYS BE HERE FOR THOSE WHO NEED A HAND,AND TO REACH OUT FOR A HAND TO STEADY ME SHOULD I NEED IT,IN THE FULL KNOWLEDGE THAT THERE WILLALWAYS BE ONE THERE FOR ME.So whenn you ask why dont pwe come toyou for recovery ,not wishing to be rude ,but maybe we dont need to!!!???We're doing ok thank you very much!!Love mary rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

NPS_Paul

26-10-06, 21:58

I have been directed to this topic, via another one i was looking at - thank you. I don't get huge amounts of time, and i'm not great with computers - finding things i write again the next day, so was totally unaware anyone had replied. Please could people p message me and explain where they'd like me to look in future.
I have read everyones comments and taken them on board. We all have bad days, when things are going on in our lives and we are less patient than usual. I've had a lot of people contact me asking for help and saying how great my posts were and how immediatly helpful. Some even went out at once and achieved things they hadn't for ages. Well done, please keep it up and keep in contact for support.
But and i know i was wrong, many asked for my advice then told me i was wrong, and in a negative mood instead of soaking this up as i normally would, i reacted.
Infact i'm always pleased to see such friendship and support between members of sites. It is very good that sufferers have somewhere safe to come and share and just feel a little better. The national phobics society site has been good for me over some years - hardly anyone posts these days though.
I hope if i ask for members forgiveness right here and now, i may regain some of your trust. There is no excuse, and i don't try to offer any, for being unhelpful to people who from past experience suffer as i did. In future i hope my posts are more constructive and loving. Sorry for any offence caused, Paul.

Love to all members

Ross

26-10-06, 22:33

Many thanks for your reply Paul. I have to say, its a huge shame that it took so many comments from others for you to take the action of apologising.

However, that is what you have done, so I would like to congratulate you for that. I hope your future posts will be somewhat better thought out.

Kind Regards

Ross

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Is There Really Gravity, Or Does Earth Just Suck?

Piglet

27-10-06, 14:22

Apology accepted.

Piglet :)

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

clickaway

27-10-06, 18:31

Hi Paul,

Thanks for replying.

I feel that you are genuine in your offers of help, despite your post. Hopefully, we can start afresh.

Cheers,

Ray

http://www.anxietyrelease.org.uk/

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

mysweetshadow

27-10-06, 19:13

Iam an Agoraphobic(have been now for 18 months) and I also suffer from Anxiety and Panic Attacks. Just recently i have started to make small progress.

phil

belle

27-10-06, 19:25

Hi Phil...
WELL DONE WITH MAKING PROGRESS :)
What are you doing to help yourself.
I'm STILL *TRYING* to get better...
Its V. Hard, but i'll do it one day!
Tonight for example i was meant to babysit for my sisters THREE children (plus my one). I can get to my sisters but i was too scared to do it because i didn't like the feeling of being trapped there and responsible just in case i needed to bolt. Ugh...HATE agoraphobia!
Sarah

mysweetshadow

28-10-06, 13:48

Hi Sarah I started by taking things really slow(about a year ago). At first I took the step outsidde my door, then i tried sitting outside for five minutes to get a feel of things. When I felt ready, I tried walking down my street, as I have a small shop 3 minutes away from me.
After a while I tried to walk down to the shop, but at first I just could not do it. I waited a few days and then I tried again, but I still couldnt make it. I thing it took me about 2 months of trying every few days before I finally made it to my shop. What I done to make it to the shop, I took it by each lamp-post, pole or garden gate. Each few days I went to one post, then I went from post and took it by garden gates, and evntually I reached the shop. I have been using this technique quite often now, and in the last 18 months I have been able to go 10 minutes, before having a Panic Attack.
I still though find it hard to spend alot of time in other peoples homes, to me it gives me the feeling of being trapped in a cage. I also feel the same when I try to vist my doctors, but I take Kali Phos 6(a Biochemic Remedy) and they calm me down for a little period of time. I also take Kalms when I fell Panicy and they also help me come down to Earth for awhile.

phil

MissChampers

30-10-06, 16:46

I've got the docs tomorrow and i'm cra**ing myself the thought of having to sit in the waiting room. I know it sounds silly but i've been dreading this appointment for a few days now so i'll probably have to have a diazpam to calm me down before I go.

Piglet

30-10-06, 17:21

Take some bottled water or a drink with you - I find that really helps.

I don't know how feasible it is for you to wait outside - I've done that at the dentist before now. Reception was very near the door, so I just told them I was having a hot flush and would they call me when my name came up. I did look red in the face actually [:I]:D

Look at it this way hun if you do have a panic attack then you are in totally the right place :D:D:D

Love Piglet :)

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

belle

30-10-06, 20:05

Hi Phil..
Sounds like you are pretty determined which is amazing. Somedays even now i feel like just giving up and sitting in and never leaving the house. I know its the wrong attitude, but because my recovery has come to a stand still again, i just don't know if i'll ever be "normal" again :(
Sarah

NPS_Paul

03-11-06, 14:51

Have you ever heard don't try - DO! A few cheap films like The Karate Kid have it in. The master sets the studend a task, he replies i'll try. The master tells him he will fail if he trys -JUST DO! Act repeat repeat repeat. Love to all readers, Paul.

Love to all members

Fly2Freedom

04-11-06, 20:14

Hi.
Im one.
I really do feel like I live in a box at times.
Hope we can beat this.

Love xFlyx

mysweetshadow

04-11-06, 22:34

Hi Sarah I do feel the same, you do gets the occasssional set backs. I tend to be too determined at times, which can be really harsh. I remember at the start of the year i tried to leave my home and I had tried so hard i sent myself right back to the start. Thankfully it only took me a few months to get over it. I have now learned from that and thats why I do what I do now. The fresh air does me good to keep me relaxed. Hopefully soon I will be able to go further than 10mins down the street.[Sigh...]

phil

belle

05-11-06, 13:55

Hi Phil...
How the heck are we supposed to break free from this hell?
Its all well and good people saying "baby steps" and that you have to "Feel the fear" to recover, but sometimes, just sometimes the fear is too horrid to bare, so how are we supposed to get well?
Just don't know.
Sarah

mysweetshadow

05-11-06, 14:29

I said the same Sarah, I felt confused when people told me to do the method I use. At first I did not know what to do, so I thought hard about it. I fought aginst my Inner Voice, I started to understand what a Panic Attack was, and i worked out the best way to deal with it.
I aint saying that I found it easy, because I still aint really changed much, yes I might be able to take a few steps out of my door, but I still am an Agoraphobic. I wish like everyone else around no more panic, that one morning I would be able to wake up, feel great, go out my door and not come back home till it is time for dinner. Unfortunatley I dont think that is going to happen for a long time.
You know I sometimes look at Agoraphobia as a Gift, Yes thats right a gift. Cause if it was not for this happening to me, who knows where I would be right now, thats just say probably not on this planet. I admitted before, I have been a depressiant for almost 10 years now, and alot of bad things have happened to me in that space of time. My only hope was to drink and from the age of 17 i used to drink heavily. Maybe this was the only way I could see sense, that there is more btter ways to cure your hurt than booze.
Not also that, I have two young toodlers and I never got to see them, as I was always out working, and I never got to see them much. Now in the last 18months I have really enjoyed the time I have been able to spend with my kids. But now again I will be the one left with nothing, as my oldest starts nursery in a few days and my partner, will take the youngest out with her.:(
So yeah, I can say that Agoraphobia has been a gift to me because, it has made me realise life alot more and it has brought me closer to my kids. Now that this has happened I feel that the Agoraphobia is slowly letting me go now, and its about time i let go of it. So now that I have little time left, I want to try and get out of my home, because I hate being alone. I may have my own side of my family, but they dont care for me no-more, so what else can I do? [V]

This is no a fight, Its a War!!:(

phil