Hello :)

[MooBear]

Hello there. :)

Not sure if I should be here or not, I can't tell if I'm a fraud or if I really have a problem. I have had three major depressions, the last one about 3 years ago. Since then I have felt ok, though in retrospect my mood has probably been quite flat that whole time. In the last few months I've come to realise that that in itself probably isn't ok. I'm pretty sure I have some sort of social phobia, though I have never mentioned these symptoms to my GP in the past. I avoid the phone like mad, and regularly avoid any social gatherings, specifically where I am not in control of who is there. This is something I have done since my teens, I'm 38 now! In the past couple of weeks I've been pretty bad, weepy, stressed, and incredibly anxious. Constantly feeling that awful nervous sick feeling you get before a job interview, for example. My concentration is all over the place.

Every time I've started to feel very low, to the point where I have felt I should see a doctor, I have picked up again so haven't bothered. That's happened regularly over the last 18 months. I was so bad in the last couple of weeks that my line manager noticed, and he took me away for a very long chat. He was utterly lovely, and urged me to seek help. I made a GP appointment on Friday after feeling atrocious all day. Today I have felt fine. Better than fine, completely normal and untouched by any symptom. Now I don't know what to do. Do I really need help or do I just need to pull my socks up? When I know how hard it is to get out of bed when you're in a deep depression, it seems odd to me to seek help when I feel like this. Of course, on Monday my mind could be utterly black again... Who knows?

Anyway, that was terribly long and rambly. :blush: I hope it made some sense, and I'd be grateful if anyone had an opinion to offer. :)

[nomorepanic]

Hi MooBear

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[bernard516]

Hi! Hello! Just joined! I hope everyone is feeling well!

[impulse81]

Hello moo.bear,I think you should definitely talk to your g.p about how your feeling,and also chatting on here helps x

---------- Post added at 00:01 ---------- Previous post was at 00:00 ----------

Hi Bernard x

[MooBear]

Thank you for the welcome. :) I suppose I should really. I opened up greatly to my manager, told him things I have never told anyone, and cried an awful lot! If I managed to cry and talk about 'stuff' for an hour and a half, there has to be something wrong I suppose! :)

[impulse81]

Is there anything u can pin point out that may be the course of your symptoms,I suffer from panic attacks,anxiety,social phobia and agoraphobia..I'm also a recovering alcoholic,I couldn't cope with all of my fears and anxiety so I self medicated for 9 years,I'm 7 months sober now but still got all my problems

[MooBear]

Honestly, not really. My first big depression hit when I was at Uni, so could be put down to loneliness and stress. My second and third came out of the blue. I'm lucky to be happily married, and have loving parents. Having said all of that, I can remember being 'moody' and a loner as a child and teen, and as I mentioned before some of the social issue I've had stretch all the way back to my youth.

I have been stressed at work in the last few months, so perhaps that has been a trigger for the way I've been feeling lately. Also, my father is ill and my hubby and I can't have children, something that has been hanging over us for some time. But both of those things have been present in our lives for years now, not new and out of the blue. Perhaps they are bothering me more than I thought.

Thank you for your replies. :) How do you manage your symptoms now? Congratulations on your 7 months, that must have been incredibly hard work!

[impulse81]

Yes seems you have a lot to be happy about but on the other hand you have issues,worries and concerns,have you thought about councilling regarding not being able to have children,that seems like it could be a key point to your depression..I am taking medication at the moment and on the waiting list for c.b.t,I struggle daily with the agoraphobia,I hardly leave the house,I'm hoping the therapy will help x

[MooBear]

For the first time I am considering CBT. I have avoided it in the past because I didn't want to talk about anything; I'm very aware that I bottle everything up and now and then things boil over until I can get them bottled up again. I know that's incredibly unhealthy, but there you go. ;) Have you been given any idea on how long the waiting list is? I have looked in to the costs of a private therapist, but not sure it's in my price bracket to be honest.

[impulse81]

I have no idea how long the waiting list is,I've only been on it since January,I don't really like talking about my problems to doctors mainly because I've had so many different things happen in my life.I tend to think I'm over them,and I've dealt with them,but I dealt with everything drunk in the past,I'm surprised I came out the other end this sane lol,an that's sayin something! Lol x

---------- Post added at 01:29 ---------- Previous post was at 01:21 ----------

I think we can talk to professionals till we're blue in the face and they don't really ever understand,it's people like you and me an every one else on here that I think really helps,because we understand each other x

---------- Post added at 01:38 ---------- Previous post was at 01:29 ----------

I'm going to call it a night..Hope to catch you on again tomorrow maybe,I enjoyed our chat,goodnight x

[Arnie365]

Hi moo bear, I would definitely speak to your GP. My symptoms have a habit of disappearing just before i go to see the doctor! It could be your sub conscious being mischievous!

[manwithnoname]

hello moo bear:):welcome: