I finally realized when it all started

[justice38]

Well as I sit here for another weekend wondering when I'm going to finally get the bad news it hit me. This all started the day my grandmother died. I ended up in the hospital with what I thought was a heart attack. It wasn't. I have had everything from throat cancer to ms heart problems loose bowels brain cancer the list goes on. Lately I have been having so much bowel trouble that I'm convinced its the end. I can rationalize so much that I put myself into a panic just trying to talk myself out of a panic.

When I was younger pre grandma dying I was indestructible. I could fly on a plane knowing it might crash and I was sure I would survive. I did daring things all the time and knew I couldn't be harmed. I felt I had an angel on my shoulder just clearing the way for me. I don't know why my grandmother dying triggered this obsessive fear of everything in me but its starting to piss me off.

Sometimes I wonder if its all even worth worrying about and then bam up pops up something else to drive me into fits of anxiety and panic. What the hell now!

---------- Post added at 18:31 ---------- Previous post was at 16:06 ----------

Any help out there?

[Eek]

I'm exactly the same only it was my dad dying that set it off. It took me a few months to finally grieve about him dying and when I did I just fell apart and ended up in A and E with a suspected heart attack which turned out to be a very bad panic attack and it all started from there. I haven't been the same since, every day is a worry about my health I'm no longer the person I was.

[Dubbmented]

I was exactly the same, indestructible and care-free.. all until my Lung collapsed spontaneously in 09'. Even in the hospital, I was fine and not worrying. It wasn't until I came on the dreaded internet, to search it.

"Can lead to shock, cardiac arrest or respiratory failure" .. "If it happens once it is most likely going to happen again" .. "My father died from this" .. "My Sister died from this" ..

I searched it until I probably knew every single detail about it!

So, I blame Google and the internet for the start of my Anxiety and Panic attacks. Although my full blown Panics have mostly stopped.. I now deal with General Anxiety Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as my Psychologist suggests.. I refuse Medications, and hope to be back to my normal Care-free self soon!

Sorry to hear about your Grandma! But you should be glad you don't have panic attacks because something traumatic happened to you, It makes it 100x worse :(

[xvolatileheart]

It's really helpful that you know what set it off. Knowing what caused you to develop health anxiety at least gives you something to work with and hopefully it will help you see that there isn't actually anything wrong with you, it was just caused be a mentally/emotionally stressful event.

I, like you, used to be totally carefree and adventurous and I felt invincible. For me, a panic attack during a work meeting set me off (I was in a very stressful job) and I've never been able to quite come to terms with the fact that it was just anxiety and not a physical problem.

It really has changed who I am and I wish I could go back to who I was before. :blush:

[justice38]

Thank you for your responses. Everyone on here is so nice and understanding. If I told the guys at work about this they would laugh their asses off. Here I am their leader and have more problems than they could understand. This is the best site I have ever been on. A lot of the times when I'm tempted to google I come here instead.

[xvolatileheart]

I do the same - everyone here keeps me in check rather than letting Dr Google diagnose me with the next fatal illness!