I suffer alone

[JoniEdwards]

I have had severe health anxiety for going on three years now. I have turned to self medicating with alcohol. I live in fear everyday quietly. My mom and dad moved an hour away and my husband doesn't understand what its like to live this way. He simply says there's nothing wrong with you. So I sit and silently and go though horrible thoughts and panic attacks all alone. The only thing that makes it bearable is my alcohol without it ok sure I couldn't go on. No one should have to live this way. Thank you for reading.

xo Joni

---------- Post added at 00:44 ---------- Previous post was at 00:36 ----------

Im sorry I should say I don't mean this to be a pity party I just thought I would share if there is anyone else who suffers alone and in silence. You aren't alone.

[Ribbit]

Reading your words made me so sad Joni :( You're right, no one should live that way, feeling so scared and alone. It's often so difficult for people who don't suffer from any form of anxiety or depression to understand what we go through. They often think that because they can 'snap out of it' or just not dwell on it that we can too, which, is simply not the case.

Remember you are NOT alone. You can come on here anytime and be with like minded people who all have to same troubling doubts as you. I am one of them.

And whilst you know alcohol isn't a long term cure to this, I'm not going to lecture you on its usage. I myself use it when I'm particularly low as it quietens down and relaxes my body, but I know it's not the wisest move though. I do think you need to reach out and get further help though, maybe by taking the first step and going to see your doctor?

Hang tight. After the storm comes a rainbow x

[JoniEdwards]

Thank you for the response. I have a family doctor who has put me on a few different combos of medication. We are working on finding what works for me. I honestly use to take joy in life and pride in my self. I want that girl back. I'm so envious of people who can just wake up in the morning and live. It sounds so ridiculous to even say. I'm unraveling fast. My poor heart can't take this. Uhgg.

[Ribbit]

I'm pleased you're in the process of finding the right meds combo - hope it's sooner rather than later.

I know what you mean about wanting the 'old you' back as I think the same about me. And I often find myself envious towards people who don't suffer the same anxieties as me, the ones who often have a care free attitude of 'what will be will be!'. I wish I could be the same but instead, I'm more of a 'what if...?' kinda girl.

I see you have a child, and I have 2, so you and I know the joys in the little things in life - a first smile, watching them explore the garden, little pudgy hands reaching out for a cuddle. Yet I think having my children make it even more difficult for me as I desperately worry about leaving them, which in turn fuels my HA. It might be the same for you.

Small steps Joni, it's the only way. Once your meds are sorted then you can take some to be kind to yourself. And keep us updated with your progress! x

[Justinf]

Well, you're not alone any longer. Don't be too hard on yourself for self-meidicating. It is a natural reaction for vulnerable people. All of u here know what you are going through.

[JoniEdwards]

Thank you. :) xx

[Charlie11]

Hi Joni sorry to hear that your husband doesn't understand. This is a fabbie site with loads of reat advice and support. Re alcohol I found it great t the time but made my anxiety 10 times worse in the morning. Instead of the alcohol could you maybe ask doc for a sleeping tab or I take mirtazipine 30 mgs at night which helps me sleep. :hugs: