View Full Version : Where to start??
Warning this could be a long one!!
Hi guys
Not been around for a while for several reason, firstly I was on holiday last week and the week before and before that I was feeling a bit more positive. But guess what it's all going wrong. There are some positive things too though.
Well on my two weeks off, I had a day in London where I felt the best I have in a long time, no 100%, but coping well. Spent the day sightseeing and the evening (a friday too!) in a bar in Covent Garden and it was my idea. This from the girl who won't go out at night in Nottingham and especially not on a friday. Even go the train there too.
The next day though I survived the morning but kept feeling really odd like suddenly my head would feel all tight and as though pressure built up in it and it was going to explode within seconds. Also I had derealisation for about an hour or so, but still I struggled on, scared but not wanting to give in
I thought hey why not even try Harrods on a Sat pm. Big mistake, firstly we walked there, as there were tube works (had done loads of rides the day before though). Was a lot further than it looked on the map.Got to Knightbridge and my head started to feel weird. Got to the door of Harrods and got a shooting pain in the back of my head, felt like head would explode. Went inside and felt like I would keel over any minute, got very hot and then had urgent need to go to the loo. Of course this meant going deeper into the store. Found one eventually and stomach was upset and I felt very hot. Really wanted to run out but decided we were going to have drink if nothing else. Was feeling as though floor was unsteady by this time, but managed a drink eventhough I started hyperventilating whilst waiting for it. An embarrassed look from Dave soon put pay to that though. Poor thing, the things I put him through. Survived though even if we didn't do much browsing, felt off on the way home when the train broke down but got through it.
So that was the first week out of the way, had also done a day at Meadowhall, where I felt very wobbly but still carried on.
Last week we decided to go to Cornwall. We booked last minute and when we got there it was beautiful. We ate out, did some long coastal walks and visited various towns. I felt headachey a lot of the time we were there and had some spectacular feelings in the car as though my head was going burst (which came on in secs and made me hyperventilate). But I was there. However, as the week went on, I started to get more horrible feelings. It started to become that I felt horrible everytime I went into a shop, the floor would feel like it was moving and I'd get quite warm on occasion. Also there were a few times when I had the urgent need to use the bathroom. But still I plodded on. I wasn't going to ruin things. That was until Saturday.
We spent the day wandering around Bude and I had a large strong cappuchino about I guess 2pm. Then we went for a walk, back to the apartment, had some wine, went out and had a little more wine and ate - well fish and chips on the cliffs anyway. I didn't feel like drinking much and we decided to go back home early. Dave was still hungry and as I'd agreed that we could eat what we wanted on hol, I relented into letting him buy a small pizza on the way home (honestly I think he got in all the junk food you could possibly think of in a few days).
Whilst I was in the car waiting for him, my legs and arms started to feel kind of tingly. Not really like pins and needles and not really a pain but more of a cross between the two. I had to shake them as they were so uncomfortable. It was like a mild constant electrical shock feeling. Had it before once or twice but not as bad.
Got home and it continued but not as bad. I had a bit of pizza and decided to go to bed about an hour later. When I stood up the tops of my legs felt really weird. Like they were about to become paralyzed but I could still walk. Very strange. (Don't worry not much more to go)
So off to sleep I went, I woke when Dave got up to go to the bathroom
Dear Jules,
Glad you did have some lovely times despite the continued symptoms and well done for the London trip .
The coffee should not have affected you that many hours afterwards for anxiety but cumulatively with the wine and junk food it won't have helped either if you were already brewing a migraine .
Reading it , it seems to me that slowly it was building up again ,with the pizza shop wait being the prime opportunity when you were alone and had a whizzing mind for the leg symptoms to emerge and scare you and get some attention and this then built up cumulating in the flashing eyes thing which led to your usual hot surge of panic that you've had previously. That must have been really scary for you. The leg symptoms you have had before - the tingling was a variation on what you've had previously. It's not MS symptoms though ..
Anxiety loves new places and whilst you were away relaxing it was new and strange and you may have had concerns about being so far from home and doctors.
I'm glad you're calming down a bit now and being rational. I can certainly relate to the tears over this Jules, get it all out as that in itself will calm you a bit.
Love
Meg
'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'
Dr.David Livingstone
Thanks Meg, I was hoping you would say that. Do you think the flashing was a migraine then. I've never had one with flashing before, though I know people can get that, but I just thought it started in one area of vision and moved across. I haven't had a proper migraine for about four years, although the dr has said the left sided stuff I get could be due to them. The eye thing only lasted for about 45 seconds, I would guess but I woke with it. Can you get anxiety attacks, or migraines in your sleep? I woke quite calm I think, until I opened my eyes, though I guess the leg thing had concerned me. At the time I thought I was having a stroke or something.
I definitely was concerned about being away from drs and home when I was in the middle of that attack.
Funnily on the first day of my leave I was in Tesco when I got a pain in my head and my vision went blurry. The next thing I knew, my left hand was numb/tingly and within a short time it was in my arm and leg. It lasted for four hours and I felt like I couldn't change gears properly on the way home. Then four hours later, it went as quickly as it came on. I'd just had a coffee then too and wondered if it could be the link. Out of interest how long does caffeine stay in the body for?
Nearly popped in to see you the other day as my friend has just put an offer in on a house in Donington and I went to see it.
Love Jules
Hi,
I'm no migraine specialist but the timing and process would fit. I'm glad it was only 45 secs which was quite enough ..
Yes, you can get anxiety in your sleep .
Do pop by - just buzz.
Are you coming on the 26th ?
Caffiene is a nasty one , I know its actual halflife is not as long as the symptoms seem to last but they use it in painkillers so 6 hours minimum but efects seem to be much longer .
If I have a diet coke splurge I can feel the effects for 24 hours
Meg
'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'
Dr.David Livingstone
Hi Jules
Just to let you know when I am panicky I sometimes wake up with strange flickering vision. My doctor suggested it might be an occular migraine but when I looked it up apparently you can't get them without a headache....so it's just panic then.
Emily
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit
Understanding is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad
I think you did really well Jules!
You did all those things and still managed to cope with the panic.
You know what Mr Panic is like, he just loves new things and does everything he can to stop you from visiting them again.
I have to admit, the symptoms do sound like that of a migraine.
I've had so many of them and all different too.
Sometimes I'm sick, some times I'm totally numb, sometimes only bits of me go numb. Some times I get the flashing thing, sometimes nothing but a headache. Now and again I will get everything at once. Some times I'm just depersonalized with a blind spot where I am trying to look.
Lets hope it's nothing more serious than that.
Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.
[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'
I think all of your symptoms sound like anxiety and panic. I can relate to the hot surges. It scares me to death. And when hubby touches me during one, I am just on fire. I have flashes of light at night when I lay down. It scares me because I always think it is a brain tumor or something. My panic and anxiety seem to go hand and hand with hypochondria. I always jump to the worst possible case scenario and then brew about it forever.
I went on a brief vacation awhile back and was so disappointed that my anxiety didn't stay home. I think one of my big triggers for anxiety is coffee or caffeine.
I hope things are going better for you!
Jenelle
Meg
Yes hoping to come along on the 26th. Though if you'd have asked me yesterday I would probably have wimped. You might need to drag me a long, if I fall into the pits of despair again, ha ha. Let me know if you want me to bring anything along or if I can do anything to help. Hey maybe I could bring a crate of Rescue Remedy!!! What's the plan anyway?
Know what you mean about the caffeine. I had cut it out completely a long time ago but the odd latte etc has been creeping in as I love them so much. When I first had migraines I cut out coffee completely and they stopped.
Emily. The vision thing is so horrible isn't it. I looked up (I know I shouldn't have done, it was the first thing I did when I got back from Cornwall on Sunday night) and I read that occular migraines are commonly don't have headaches and so that's what make them occular. Oh I don't know. Just so long as it's not some nasty brain disease.
Jules
I can't remember whether you've still got any of the books or CD's I lent you ages ago ?
I think I'm all set otherwise.
Thanks
Meg
Jules,
sorry you had a bad time and well done you for getting through. I have migranes[sp] sometimes without the headache - I see flashing lights and zig zags and one arm gets pins and needles. [V].
You just never know with this panic do you? I swear I used to be a rational human being two months ago [don't know if hubby would agree there]:D.
hope you are calmer now,
take care,
love Tess x
Hi Jules,
As you know I am a migraine sufferer and I can honesltly say I have had all the symptoms that you described....numbness, tingling in the limbs, flashing lights, stabbing pains in the head etc....
With migraines there are so many different triggers and everyones triggers are so different. Mine are definetly due to tension in the neck and shouldes, menstrual sycle, too much caffenine...particulary too much chocolate!!! Also hot stuffy environments and as my office is so hot nd stuffy at the moment I feel like I always have a migriane lurking about.
I think you did so well on your holidays...its so easy to get into a state of panic but you did cope well under the horrible symptoms.
If you think your migraines could be caused by the caffenine just try and cut it out for a whiole again and see how you get on.
Take care
sadie
Thank you all of it. I'm still feeling really wobbly. I woke up this morning with my legs feeling like they are throbbing mildly all over. It's like an electrical surge lightly pulsating through them and my arms are like it a bit too. I still feel like it and am really lightheaded.
Still not sure it is migraine but that was the only thing I could put the flashing down to and what with the weird tingly I had and leg stuff.
Glad you are all here to reassure me. I must admit I am struggling again today.
Meg think I still do have one of your books and CD's. Will check and bring them over. Have been meaning to for ages, sorry.
Jules
Hi everyone
Just posting because I am still feeling really horrible. What has happened to the progress I was making. I've got all the symptoms I've mentioned above and more. I just feel awful, pains in my head, weak legs, left sided heaviness, facial numbness, neck ache, pressure on top of head etc etc.
Last night I got scared because I suddenly started to feel very vague as though I was fading out when I stood up. It wasn't like a usual headrush caused by BP and it lasted up two flights of stairs and for a while once I got to bed.
I'm trying to remain positive but it's hard when I feel so grotty and tired all the time too.
I've got my counselling session this afternnoon so hopefully that will help a bit. I wish they were a bit more regular though. So far they have been over a month apart.
Oh well, hope everyone else is doing a bit better
Take care
Jules
Sorry you are still having a bad time Jules. Is the councelling [sp] NHS?
This weather doesn't help does it? Hope you have a better day tomorrow,
love Tess xx
Hi Jules,
I hope that this post may put your mind at rest a bit, I have come off meds (3 months ago) after being on them 4 yrs. At the moment i'm suffering from a combination of withdrawal symptoms and extreme anxiety. The eye flashing you describe is something i have experienced when anxious in the past prior to meds but it was'nt that severe and only came on when i was really tired. Now however in my highly anxious position i've had it really bad..it is scarey and we always look for a more valid reason for it but i'm positive it's due to anxiety. I also get all the other symptoms you listed if it's any comfort to you...the tingling pins and needles down my arms, numbness in the face, pains in the head, head rushes ...the list goes on and on. All these symtoms can be alarming and even I feel overwhelmed when they hit out the blue and look for other medical conditions that may be the cause ..but that's all part of the parcel of panic and anxiety! I hope that this helps you , take care ..jodie.
J Baker
Tess - yes the counselling is on the NHS. I got there today and it was helpful but she said I should have been there last week. I know for sure she never gave me that date though.
The weather is grim isn't it.
Jodie, thanks for that. I hope you are feeling better. I hate these feelings so much. Each time I start to feel a tiny bit better I end up relapsing even further back.
Right now I nearly turned round on the way into work. I feel so nauseous and weak. After counselling I went shopping yesterday. The whole time I was there my legs felt like concrete and it was as though someone was pushing me into the floor. Then suddenly I got shooting pains in the back of my head, tingling in my mouth and felt like I was losing consciousness. I also went really hot. I almost left the trolley right there. I held it together though and finished the shop and went home. I've felt dreadful since though. guess I really do have to try hard to rationalise again.
Jules
Caz Fab Pants
23-06-04, 18:24
Jules,
It seems you're doing all the right things with regards to the awful anxiety and panic attacks you've been having. I must say I really admire you for sticking things out and carrying on. I know how much it knocks you when you have a bad turn and how tempting it is to then hide away and avoid everything. However, as I'm sure you know if you keep going and remember to give yourself 'time off' to relax you will feel much better about yourself.
Caroline
x
Jules, You did really well to hold it together whilst shopping and feeling so grim.
many congratulations
Meg
thanks Meg. I seem to be having daily occurences of this stuff at the moment. Today my CBT therapist is taking me shopping at lunchtime to see if I have any safety behaviours that I don't recognise or do things that hinder me. Now that what's the bet I will or won't have an attack whilst with her. Just hope her clipboard isn't too big, he he
Jules
Hiya Jules
My CBT woman took me and another girl into town for shopping and the other girl was in such a state, crying and shaking (she was terrified of lifts). I was so worried about her that I spent all my time hugging her and holding her hand and only had a twinge of panic that was so minor compared to how she was feeling that I felt like such a Faker....lol....but I got some nice clothes tho :)
good luck mate
love Sarah
xx
we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)
Jules , hope it goes well.
Theres nothing like seeing someone else struggle to put things in perpective.
Meg
'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'
Dr.David Livingstone
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