Time off and worried it will all start again

[snoopy38]

Hi everyone, I haven't posted for a while and it's been great to see how people have moved on and improved since I was last on.
I have been back in work for 6 weeks now, 3 of these full time. I have had my ups and downs but mostly managed ok. I have even enjoyed it on occasion! :-) I have kept to my promise of leaving earlier to pick my daughter up each day and have greatly reduced my workload at home. Basically, I have got my old life back, give or take the odd blip - something I thought would never happen a few months ago.
Everything had been going well UNTIL I now have a week off. Work had always been my avoidance strategy and now I'm off with lots of time on my hands and loads of association (it was during my last holiday from work that my episode started). I find myself panicking that I'm worrying again, looking out for signs that it is coming back but worried incase it does. The tightness in my throat hadn't gone away but it is as bad as ever. I just want to move on properly and enjoy my time off with my kids, but instead I'm finding myself wishing the days away until I can get back to work and busy myself again.
I can't even go too far for days out as our little pup was run over a couple of weeks ago and she needs us around as she's lost a leg :-(
I would really appreciate any support. Getting back on track is so hard, but it seems that staying there is just as hard.

[Princess2206]

Hi Snoopy :) lovely to hear from you. I am glad your working life is good :) I think becouse it is first holidays after you back to work you may feel weird a bit. The same like first weeks at work after days off. I am sure you will be fine. So sorry to hear about your puppy.:( it probably makes you anxous as well. :( lots of love xxx

[OncewasSupergirl]

Its the change in routine Snoopy...that happens to me aswell. I bet by the end of your time off you'll feel fine and be annoyed that you were worried. Your just feeling anxious about being anxious, how did you deal with it before? x x

[snoopy38]

Thanks for the replies. I have tried to revert back to accepting that the anxiety is there and carrying on regardless. Making myself do things as normal and not being scared of my feelings. Easier said than done! Since having PND 6 years ago I have always found the holidays difficult but I probably need to accept that things will stay this way at least for a little while longer.xxx

[Janine]

Snoopy, it is good to hear from you, i was only wondering how you were the other day, sorry to hear about your pup it must have been a huge shock.

I think it is your mind playing games because you were so bad when you were off before you think it is all going to come back again this time but the medication is well in your system now so it will not let you go back that far again.

It is difficult but just try and put it to the back of your mind, you have come so far and have done so well getting back to work.

xxx

[snoopy38]

Hi, a bit of a better day today although still very anxious. I had friends over for dinner last night and took the kids out for the afternoon today. I'm seeing friends again tonight and I'm going to try and do a bit of work I've been putting off in a minute. Today I've been telling myself that my feelings are normal and getting on with things. Not sure I believe it but at least I'm out living whilst I'm worrying! :-) onwards and upwards. I hope everyone else is feeling good. Xxxx

[OncewasSupergirl]

Sounds like the way to go Snoopy, i know that feeling of not quite believing it but you will eventually x x