This is my last day on 5mg, feeling uneasy and on edge, is anxiety coming back?

[Sparkle1984]

From August last year up until last month, I was on 10mg citalopram. With my doctor's support, I have been weaning off for the last 4 weeks as I felt that my anxiety was no longer affecting my day to day life and I had learnt lots of coping techniques. For the last 4 weeks I have been on 5mg a day. For the first 2 weeks on this dose, I felt lethargic/fatigued and sometimes a bit emotional. Last week I felt pretty good.

However, for the last few days I've been feeling on edge and uneasy - I'm not sure if this could be withdrawal effects (although it has been 4 weeks since I dropped down to 5mg), or whether it's just because it's on my mind that I'll be coming off completely within the next few days. Sometimes my muscles (particularly my thighs and neck muscles) feel a bit tense too. In the back of my mind I think I'm a bit scared that I might go back to how I was in July/August last year, although what I'm going through now is nothing compared to that. I've also got my period due in the next few days too, which doesn't help as I'm already getting cramps.

Tonight will be my last 5mg dose. Then from tomorrow I drop down to 2.5mg, probably for a week, before coming off completely.

Most of the time I feel positive, but there are times when I think to myself "I hope I've made the right decision. I hope this is going to be worth it." Part of the reason I wanted to come off was to find out whether my anxiety was caused by temporary stress or by a chemical imbalance. If I'm still feeling good once I've been off the meds for a few weeks, I'll know that my anxiety episode last year was caused by stress and that it was a temporary thing. If, on the other hand, my anxiety comes back, I'll know that it's caused by a chemical imbalance. That would be more worrying as it could well be a long-term problem.

Once I've been completely off for a month, the doctor wants me to go back for another review, to see how I'm getting on. So at least if this turns out to be a total disaster, I'll be able to go back on them again if necessary.

What I'm wondering is, how do you know if these feelings are withdrawal effects or whether they're part of your own underlying anxiety?

[Hopefor2013]

Just wanted to say hang in there, trust that you made the right decision and also let you know that "Your things that are helping my anxiety" has been a tremendous help to me :hugs:

[lashes]

when i came off them a few years back i was feeling the same to be honest i was a wreck coming off them so emotional and anxious but once i came off them altogether it settled down. i sometimes think its because you know that your not on them anymore so you feel anxious but at least you can try come off them and go back on them if you feel you need to x

[Laura1989]

Don't worry about it...the more you worry the worse you could feel!

I have now been off citalopram for 3/4 weeks, and feel so much better! Feel more like my old self again!!

Keep us all posted Sparkle, think positive!!
X x

[steveo]

I hope it works out for you.

It didn't for me and I had to come back on the meds. But most people do seem to come off the meds without any problems!
Best of luck. We are all here to support you x

[Sparkle1984]

Thanks for your support. I'm trying not to think about it too much. I still do my mindfulness exercises and I find them very helpful - in fact I'll probably carry on doing them forever, as I find they help to quieten my mind and take my mind off negative thoughts, especially at night time.

It's hard to describe exactly how I'm feeling - in addition to what I mentioned in my post above, I also feel a bit flat, as if I'm not looking forward to things as much as I did a week ago. But I've got loads of happy events to look forward to in 2013! Oh well, it's the weekend soon, so hopefully I'll feel better then. I don't feel quite as bad now as I did earlier this evening.

[Rachy-Rach]

Hullo!!

Congrats on getting to the point where you feel like you can come off them! I'm in my third week of being citalopram free. I tapered my 30mg down to 10 every other day and then just forgot and figured I'd just stop. The 14 days after stopping for me were much like you describe but a lot worse. However, now my body is righting itself I feel so much better! I'd give it 3 weeks without any meds before you can see where you stand without them. You tend to feel at your worst in the second week and then things gradually get better thoughout the third. Hope that helps.

[Sunshine77]

Hi Sparkle, I don't have any answers but just wanted to wish you well for your medication-free life - it's an inspiration to me a few weeks into this journey to know that there is an end in sight for others.

Whatever happens you have obviously come a very long way :)

[Sparkle1984]

I had a good weekend, but now I'm hiding in the toilets at work panicking because my manager is off on a training course and the director has set me and a colleague a task with a really strict deadline (Thursday) which isn't even possible with our current IT systems. It would probably take us weeks to do what he's expecting. And as our manager isn't here to back me up, I'm scared!!! :mad:

[Rachy-Rach]

Hey,

I'm just getting ready for work myself. Slowly breathe in and out for 3 minutes. Count to 7 breathing in and 11 breathing out. Compose yourself and do all that you can - you can't do more than that. Discuss how you will tackle it with the other person - they may be feeling just like you. Good luck x

[Daisy Sue]

Hiya Sparkle... I've never had to come down off those kind of meds, so I can't help on that, only to say I agree with what's been said here already.. you're bound to feel something when tapering off, just like you were taking them in the first place for a noticeable change. I think you'll settle down, and you know you can always go back to the doc if you feel you really need something.

With the work thing, if they've asked something unreasonable and impossible of you, then they need telling, and I'd recommend sooner rather than later so that the Director can't have a go at you for leaving it till the last minute. Is your manager contactable by email while she's at this course? Maybe you could let her know what's happening & see what she advises.

[Sparkle1984]

Thanks for your replies. :) Somehow I made it through the working day! I think my colleague was also concerned, but I bet he didn't have to take time out to calm down! My colleague came up with timescales for each part of the task, and once he added it all together it turned out that we'd need at least a month to complete the whole project, so there's no way it could be done by Thursday. He emailed the timescales to the director. The director didn't seem upset or angry, in fact I don't think the strict deadline was his fault, it sounds like it was someone else in another part of the company who wanted it done so quickly. These people just don't understand the effort and time required to build a website. Usually my manager would set them straight and resolve any disputes regarding deadlines and project requirements, but as he wasn't there today it felt as if we'd been left to fend for ourselves.

Anyway, I calmed myself down and managed to get some work done. For most of today, my stomach has been churning as if I've got a stomach upset, and occasionally I feel twingest of pain in my muscles. Is this a withdrawal symptom or is it something else?

[Sparkle1984]

Today hasn't been that much better than yesterday to be honest. :weep: I can tell that the churning stomach and nausea I had yesterday must have been due to stress/anxiety, because it wore off once I'd got home last night. The nausea didn't come back again today, but my muscles did feel tense at times, and I still sometimes get the twinges of pain. I also felt lethargic and fatigued (like I did when I dropped down to 5mg) which meant that it took me twice as long to do everything! And that is particularly annoying when I've got so many people nagging me about different tasks!

It's not just my manager who has gone away on a training course - 2 other team members have also gone on the same course. This means that we are down on almost half of our team's workforce, and there are only 4 of us actually working! :mad: It's not just me who has been feeling stressed out - a couple of my colleagues have also been feeling stressed too. I spoke to one of my colleagues (to whom I feel very close) and he admitted that he has felt the same way when he's been under a lot of pressure at work. As he is more senior than me and has more experience, he gets given more challenging tasks, so he probably feels more stressed than I do a lot of the time!

To be honest I feel a bit annoyed about the management at the moment - there has been poor planning all around. :doh: It was a bad idea of my manager to take himself and 2 other team members out on this week-long course at the same time, especially when we have so many websites which are due to go live next week. The short-staffing has put these deadlines in jeopardy, as there's just not enough of us to finish the outstanding tasks. :scared15: I'm also unhappy at the way this other project was suddenly sprung on me and my colleague yesterday - we were given no advance warning at all, and we were given no background information, but someone in the company must have known it was coming up. I was enjoying my previous task, and I hate to be suddenly pulled off a task I enjoy. I take pride in my work and I hate to think I'm being pressured into doing a half-baked rush job.

At least my colleague (the one I feel closest to, as I've worked with him the longest) has said that he would be willing to back us all up if we get any flak from the management. But really, it's the management's poor planning which has caused these problems in the first place. Fancy taking nearly half the workforce out of action when we are going through such a busy period! :roflmao:

Most of the time, I'm very happy in my job, but when people make daft decisions like this and put so much pressure on us, it gets me down. This couldn't have happened at a worse time. I feel like everything is getting to me more because of the withdrawal, and also I've got my period at the moment. If I had known that this was going to be such a stressful week at work, I would've stayed on the 5mg for a few extra days, before cutting down to 2.5mg. But it's too late now - the other staff should be back later this week and hopefully things will settle down a bit by then.

Sorry to rant, but I just needed to get that out of my system. It's very frustrating for me, because I don't want all this work stress to jeopardise my recovery/withdrawal.

I'm now trying hard to focus on the things I have to look forward to - for example I'm going out 10-pin bowling on Friday evening. I'm sure that will be a good end to a stressful week. :yesyes:

[Sparkle1984]

I woke up in a better mood this morning. I didn't feel lethargic or fatigued. I think it could be partly because I did a couple of extra mindfulness exercises yesterday evening. There is still a lot of pressure at work, but its not getting to me so much today. It's a nice sunny day here and its actually warm enough for me to eat my lunch outside in the local park. :) I broke my task down into smaller pieces and it doesn't seem quite so daunting now.