Lost all hope

[joanne30]

I've had anxiety for 21 years. I have problems with a fear of choking on food and liquids. Sometimes I can go four or five days without drinking anything at all. I also have problems eating, because my teeth got badly eroded due to holding fruit juice in my mouth before swallowing it. I've had to have fillings replaced because they kept breaking. So I only eat soft food because I'm frightened of my fillings breaking again.
Apart from my problems above, I feel that I am constantly in a high state of anxiety all the time, and even though I still live with my parents, I feel very isolated because I don't want to burden them with how I feel because they are not in the best of health themselves. I have an older sister, but we don't have the best of relationship. I feel that she is embarresed (sp) to have me as a sister, because I am not as attractive as she is.
Sorry for the long post.
joanne30.

[Annie0904]

Hi Joanne I am sorry you are going through so much at the moment. I am guessing since you have had anxiety for so long that you are on meds. Maybe it wpuld be worth while going to see your doctor and maybe reviewing meds and asking for further support like CBT.

[Serenitie]

Don't ever lose hope, Joanne! :hugs: Try to be kind to yourself, rest and make time each day to relax to reduce your anxiety levels. Chat to people here to reduce your isolation and increase your self esteem. We are all valuable in different ways. Try to focus on what your skills and talents are and develop them.

Is your sister really embarrassed about having you as a sister.. or is this perception of your relationship with your sister a product of your low self esteem? When we feel bad about ourselves we often think that everyone else views us negatively when in reality this is hardly ever the case:doh: Try to speak to your sister about this if you can and take baby steps towards feeling better :)

This meditation for self esteem may help http://www.fragrantheart.com/cms/free-audio-meditations/self-esteem/enhance-your-self-esteem

I wish you well x

[joanne30]

Hi thank you for your replies. I've had around 30 sessions of cbt over the years, and my last therapist said that he hasn't seen a choking phobia as severe as mine. I'm on 40mg of liquid seroxat as I have trouble swallowing tablets. My psych nurse signed me off a year or so ago because she said I wasn't ready to change my life. Also I can't speak to my sister, because when I do she just rolls her eyes at me. She's not very understanding about my anxiety at all.

joanne30

[lindadiana]

hello joanne,i know how you feel i too have a severe fear of choking,i cant eat in front of people at all and if im alone its still scary.im 54 and ive been like this from 11 years old cant go out alone all the usual stuff with panic attacks anxiety, cbt didnt help they told me im not ready.all three times ive had sessions over the years. i try to do this when its time to eat,i play on a game on here while trying to eat if you brains is thinking of how to make words(i play on spellbound) you cant think about choking but i know its hard and try not to put yourself down,be kind to yourself i think im ugly and evryones looking at me etc etc,i think its part of the anxiety interpreting things the wrong way,i too have one sister and she listensb,ut doesnt take in what im saying.my parents are both gone now but i did have them help me with my fears,mine have got worse since losing them.but never give up joanne as others have said we are all important x hugs and best wishes linda