ceoshurman
22-02-13, 14:25
Hi everyone I am new and have joined in the hope of some much needed help and support. My anxiety / panic started about 15 years ago no triggers just out of the blue one minute I was sat on the sofa watching TV and the next a horrible black feeling of dread came over me and caused me to shake violently, need the loo, feel sick etc. but it did not interfere with my breathing so did not think it was a panic attack. These feelings came on a more regular basis and in the end I had to take time off work and ended up on meds for 3 months. The meds worked and I began to manage the attacks - I took up yoga, horse riding and my life returned to normal ish ( I have issues going on holiday) If I had an attack I would say this is only for today tomorrow you will be fine and most of the time I was. Over the years I have had loads of different symptoms feeling distant chest pains headache but managed to control them and never took time off work. Loads off stress in my life too my Dad had a stroke, found out my some was gay and I still overcame the anxiety this caused.
Last year I was told that the job I had done from the last 18 years was under review and I was facing redundancy - to cut a long story short I went through the process of looking for and getting another job and I started on Wednesday(28 day trial) I thought I had been coping quite well so far - I knew that my first day would be strange but was convinced I could cope so off I went with sweaty palms, feeling dithery and distant but managed to work the whole day - just had really bad headache and ocular migrane when I got home. 2nd day was better but same headache when I got home (not used to so much work on the computer I thought) but this time I was violently sick. Just settled down to watch TV and bang every anxiety symptom I ever had in the past at once - I laid in bed all night violently shaking trying to tell myself to calm down and every time It subsided and I tried to fall asleep I would panic myself awake. This time it didn't go - I had to get my husband to call in work ( I was on a months trial so they wont want me now) and went to the Doc's - who took one look at me shivering, sobbing and shaking and put me back on meds (propranol and sertraline) also she gave me a support group address and 2 weeks on sick leave.
I feel dreadful I have ruined my chance with my new job -I will probably have to return to my old one until I get made redundant, if I feel well enough. And I feel so down that the anxiety has won out - its like I am in a big hole and can't find a way out - every time I think about work, driving, supermarket - anything other than being at home I start to shake.
My husband is desperately worried about me and has been in tears seeing me in such a state so I feel guilty about that. Then I think about all those people in wars dying all over the world who are brave and people who battle cancer every day - and I am a dithering wreck because of small change in my life anxiety really sucks.
Last year I was told that the job I had done from the last 18 years was under review and I was facing redundancy - to cut a long story short I went through the process of looking for and getting another job and I started on Wednesday(28 day trial) I thought I had been coping quite well so far - I knew that my first day would be strange but was convinced I could cope so off I went with sweaty palms, feeling dithery and distant but managed to work the whole day - just had really bad headache and ocular migrane when I got home. 2nd day was better but same headache when I got home (not used to so much work on the computer I thought) but this time I was violently sick. Just settled down to watch TV and bang every anxiety symptom I ever had in the past at once - I laid in bed all night violently shaking trying to tell myself to calm down and every time It subsided and I tried to fall asleep I would panic myself awake. This time it didn't go - I had to get my husband to call in work ( I was on a months trial so they wont want me now) and went to the Doc's - who took one look at me shivering, sobbing and shaking and put me back on meds (propranol and sertraline) also she gave me a support group address and 2 weeks on sick leave.
I feel dreadful I have ruined my chance with my new job -I will probably have to return to my old one until I get made redundant, if I feel well enough. And I feel so down that the anxiety has won out - its like I am in a big hole and can't find a way out - every time I think about work, driving, supermarket - anything other than being at home I start to shake.
My husband is desperately worried about me and has been in tears seeing me in such a state so I feel guilty about that. Then I think about all those people in wars dying all over the world who are brave and people who battle cancer every day - and I am a dithering wreck because of small change in my life anxiety really sucks.