Is it me or anxiety?

[Emma86]

Hey.
I'm really struggling with my anxiety again, had a relapse just after I was starting to get back on my feet again. Its exhausting. I'm becoming a horrible person and yes I will admit it. I'm getting so frustrated with feeling like this, theres so many things I want to do, places I want to go and anxiety and worrying is ruining all that. I am becoming angry and upset at myself and taking it out on others.
For example, if I'm out with my boyfriend and I start to feel anxious or panic I get angry and snap at him and take it out on him. Why? I dont know. Its not his fault I feel like this.
Just lately I'm so down and can't feel happy about anything. It is especially causing problems with my relationship and its also long distance. We argue alot because I find the littlest thing to snap at him about and I dont mean to, I also cant travel down to see him which I would love to do and that makes me angry.
I have too much time to think and I over think everything and come up with things and pick on things my boyfriend has said or done. I'm surprised he's still with me!
With my anxiety I have a problem with control and things have to go to plan. I dont want to be this person and I'm sure without my anxiety I wouldnt be. Is anyone else like this or do I have a problem?

[BobbyDog]

These all seem to be anxiety related problems and responses.
Explain to your boyfriend how your anxiety makes you respond to situations. Tell him how frustrated you are at not being able to travel to see him as often as you would like. Make sure he knows how much he means to you. If you are stuck for words, read this thread you have started to him.

[Sunshine77]

I took my anxiety out on my husband too until I came clean and explained to him exactly how bad I was feeling and how it affected me and the things I felt/feel able to do or not do. The honesty has helped as I no longer feel so frustrated - a lot of it was born of me thinking "he must think I'm mad" or "he doesn't understand" - at least now he does a little bit. As BobbyDog says - explain it to him. He loves you and will support you through this.

Good luck :hugs:

[Meewah]

Emma from a male perspective I agree with what the others say and that is you should explain you may snap and why this is happening. Me and my wife have had a great relationship over the last 20 years because we talk about our feelings. I will explain to her that I am anxious and that I will become withdrawn and preoccupied with small things. We also tell each other over and over that when we shout or get cross or argue it is just out of frustration not because of the other persons actions. My wife even says before a busy period she will say to me and our kids that she is going to be edgy and snappy and that it is not our fault it is just because she has so much to do in so little time. It works.

We also used to have a little bit of fun with each other because if one of us tried to start an argument the other would be really relaxed and say I'm sorry I not going to give you an argument and you will have to look elsewhere. or something similar and 9 times out of 10 it ended in us smiling or laughing. :roflmao:

The key to any relationship is balance. We are all going to go through shit in our lives the importance is that we let the other partner know when and why. Everyone wants to shout or argue or is cross or sad but problems start when the other partner thinks it is directed at them or can't understand.

So the big cliché is to Talk Talk Talk.

Works for us.

mee

[Iced_diamond]

I have the exact same problem. My boyfriend is actually a nice person and wouldn't want to see me upset or unhappy, but sometimes he finds it very hard and frustrating dealing with my anxiety issues. I guess it's difficult for people who don't have anxiety to understand how another person who has it feels. I agree with Meewah that it's certainly a good idea to talk to your other half about what's troubling you and why you may sometimes unwillingly snap at him or become angry etc. By admitting this, you are being fair to him and also to yourself. But I too often think that I can't really ever be properly happy, as the anxiety over everything tears me down sometimes. I want to be happy and do all the things others do, but I always hold back and miss out because of this anxiety-it is unpleasant. But, I am trying to make myself better and take little steps at a time. I know it's easier said than done, but just try to focus on the here and now and don't let negative thoughts crowd you. Next time you see your boyfriend, have a really nice day together-do some nice things, go out for a meal, do some shopping, go for a nice walk, cinema-whatever you like and just enjoy yourself. Then, keep thinking about how nice the day was and repeat it. If you have his full understand and support it should make things easier for you as well. Good luck to you and I hope you find a way to conquer this anxiety.