Aladbi
23-02-13, 06:42
Hi there,
I'm new around here and I guess seeking help as I'm at a point in my life where I feel so helpless.
I'm 40 years old and live in London. From the outside looking in things look great. I have a loving husband, a beautiful 2 year old, a job and a nice house. But things have never been good on the inside. Not for a long time. No matter how I try and pretty the external stuff up.
For as long as I can remember I have carried this no self worth with me. I feel ugly, less than other people, don't fit in and feel lonely, even in a crowded room.
I encountered alcohol at 15 and it took all those feelings of self hate away. I was a weekend binge drinker at thr time and it did the trick each time. Trouble is during the week I would have to return to the misery of my thoughts, beating me up all the time.
My mother took me to the doctors at aged 16 and he gave me a bottle of zopiclone. I remember taking my first one that night and instantly loving the metallic taste and the light headiness it gave me. I was hooked from that moment. Each time I wake up I took another one. Waiting for the same effect and more sleep. This happened throughout the night and day. It didn't send alarm bells ringing with my mother as she thought I needed the sleep. Until she came up and realised I had taken the whole bottle. I just wanted to sleep and get some peace from this noisy head.
After having my stomach pumped and a psychologised telling me I was psychologically disturbed I wasnt allowed anymore zopiclone. My relationship turned back to drinking, thieving zopiclone from my mum as and when I could.
I drank to get away from my head all through my 20,s but it was messy and even more dangerous when mixed with zopiclone.
I came into A A when I was 32 and have now remained nearly 8 years sober. I wish I could tell you I was nearly 8 years clean too. But zopiclone like any addiction is cunning and patient. I would have the odd one here and there. Just through stressful periods. I didn't think there was anything wrong with that . After all wasn't it a medication that was prescribed by a doctor?
Things escalated after the birth of my daughter. Having no structure in place as I gave up work and being frightened i wasn't a good enough mum sent me spiralling into a bottomless pit. My only escape was zopiclone. I was being prescribed at first and it was at that time they informed me I was bipolar 2.
I then started getting zopiclone from the internett as I was eating them like smarties. I was taking them day and night in and out of work and managing to function.
The withdrawals were phenomenal and I've ended up in mental institutions. I've begged doctors, psychstrists, counsellors, treatment clinics for help but they've all been powerless to help me.
I've been to NA, CA and DAA but I can't connect with anyone. I feel a fraud in AA which has been so good to me but it's not a place I can talk about my zopiclone abuse.
I feel very alone with this and am now on a detox zopiclone treatment where I'm on 1 a night. It's killing me as I'm not sleeping and all I'm doing is obsessing about my loved drug Zopiclone.
I don't know if this obsession is ever going to go away. I use to think the same about alcohol but the obsession did go eventually. Difference is I had a network of people I could identify with. With zopiclone I don't and I so need that network of people in my life. Otherwise i just feel doomed. To a life where my head wants to take me away from everyone and ending up just another pill popper statistic!
Please help x
I'm new around here and I guess seeking help as I'm at a point in my life where I feel so helpless.
I'm 40 years old and live in London. From the outside looking in things look great. I have a loving husband, a beautiful 2 year old, a job and a nice house. But things have never been good on the inside. Not for a long time. No matter how I try and pretty the external stuff up.
For as long as I can remember I have carried this no self worth with me. I feel ugly, less than other people, don't fit in and feel lonely, even in a crowded room.
I encountered alcohol at 15 and it took all those feelings of self hate away. I was a weekend binge drinker at thr time and it did the trick each time. Trouble is during the week I would have to return to the misery of my thoughts, beating me up all the time.
My mother took me to the doctors at aged 16 and he gave me a bottle of zopiclone. I remember taking my first one that night and instantly loving the metallic taste and the light headiness it gave me. I was hooked from that moment. Each time I wake up I took another one. Waiting for the same effect and more sleep. This happened throughout the night and day. It didn't send alarm bells ringing with my mother as she thought I needed the sleep. Until she came up and realised I had taken the whole bottle. I just wanted to sleep and get some peace from this noisy head.
After having my stomach pumped and a psychologised telling me I was psychologically disturbed I wasnt allowed anymore zopiclone. My relationship turned back to drinking, thieving zopiclone from my mum as and when I could.
I drank to get away from my head all through my 20,s but it was messy and even more dangerous when mixed with zopiclone.
I came into A A when I was 32 and have now remained nearly 8 years sober. I wish I could tell you I was nearly 8 years clean too. But zopiclone like any addiction is cunning and patient. I would have the odd one here and there. Just through stressful periods. I didn't think there was anything wrong with that . After all wasn't it a medication that was prescribed by a doctor?
Things escalated after the birth of my daughter. Having no structure in place as I gave up work and being frightened i wasn't a good enough mum sent me spiralling into a bottomless pit. My only escape was zopiclone. I was being prescribed at first and it was at that time they informed me I was bipolar 2.
I then started getting zopiclone from the internett as I was eating them like smarties. I was taking them day and night in and out of work and managing to function.
The withdrawals were phenomenal and I've ended up in mental institutions. I've begged doctors, psychstrists, counsellors, treatment clinics for help but they've all been powerless to help me.
I've been to NA, CA and DAA but I can't connect with anyone. I feel a fraud in AA which has been so good to me but it's not a place I can talk about my zopiclone abuse.
I feel very alone with this and am now on a detox zopiclone treatment where I'm on 1 a night. It's killing me as I'm not sleeping and all I'm doing is obsessing about my loved drug Zopiclone.
I don't know if this obsession is ever going to go away. I use to think the same about alcohol but the obsession did go eventually. Difference is I had a network of people I could identify with. With zopiclone I don't and I so need that network of people in my life. Otherwise i just feel doomed. To a life where my head wants to take me away from everyone and ending up just another pill popper statistic!
Please help x