wow anything but this please

[danivsdani]

having a bit of an existential/depersonalization/derealization moment over something stupid i saw on the internet. i can't even explain the circular thinking in my head right now except that it is circular thinking of DEWMMM

---------- Post added at 15:00 ---------- Previous post was at 14:43 ----------

okay having a full blown panic attack here. i don't want to trigger anyone but i saw a thing that said to appreciate that you're a brain piloting a body and i'm making myself sick thinking about it. physically and mentally. i'm getting really upset 'cause i don't want to hurt anyone close to me by being ill but i'm also thinking well what if i absolutely lose it and don't give a shit about them anymore and kill myself to stop these feelings? i don't want to end up in the nut house but what if i suddenly find that easier than being ill?

i really REALLY wish my brain functioned like normal -_-

[PanchoGoz]

It's ok, I totally understand what you're going through. It's horrid when you have anxiety over something much "bigger" than you, that's why people think that existential worries are more important than other anxieties, because that fear encompases everything in existance. But even so, it's just another trigger, another thought. Remember that your main fear is that you won't be able to stop thinking about that thought, you're not going to go mad. Don't add any more fear to it. Just accept it as another part of your day. It's just another thought.
Keep distracted. Let the thought come and go and don't watch it. You're not going insane. You're not going to hurt yourself, there's no need, this will pass like all other things. Let it come and go of it's own accord.

[danivsdani]

pancho! you reply to my posts most often thank you for being here :). i'm trying to ignore it but the thought keeps creeping back in :/ everything feels kind of strange. not unreal but more like very scientific? like i said, i'm just a brain piloting a slab of meat. ick. i wish i could figure out how to get out of this loop of thinking.

[PanchoGoz]

It must be because you're posts are relevent to my experience! We must have similar fears.

Don't try to ignore the thought, that doesn't work. Let it come and don't be scared of it. Nothing bad will happen if you just let it stay with you, it will stay there then just float off after a while.
It feels scary but remember that since you had that thoght, really nothing else has changed. You are still you no matter from what perspective you see that :)

[danivsdani]

i'm doing a little better but i'll be thinking or something and get a sinking feeling suddenly. i keep asking myself questions which is never good and i think i've finally done it. i've broken my brain. i'd like to know what it is about people like us who can't leave anything alone and why we ask questions until we're in a loop of unanswerable questions and feeling dizzy. that's another question :laugh:

[PanchoGoz]

You can't "break" your brain. That doesn't happen, and you can prove this to yourself by not restraining your thoughts. Let them come and even play with them a bit, investigate them.

[xvolatileheart]

Dani I totally understand how you feel. I have a lot of those kinds of thoughts and I would do anything to have a normal brain that doesn't have these obsessive thoughts! Just today I started having awful thoughts about what if I feel this way for the rest of my life, would life be worth living, etc and those thoughts really scared me. My thoughts can be really consuming - they convince me my body is failing, my mind is going, I'm going to die soon, I will never be happy again, etc. I honestly wouldn't mind committed to a nut house so they can sort me out!

But in all honesty, they are just thoughts. They always come and go. Just keep practicing the ability to let them go and keep yourself busy, don't let the thoughts control you!

[danivsdani]

a thought that is helping me is that if i did do something drastic (probably wouldn't) and i was completely wrong (probably am) and the rest of the world went on normally without me then that would be horrible. so i'd rather try to stay healthy for the people who are close to me because what harm is there in that?

thanks for being here guys :) i hope you're both well

[buyadegara]

thanks for info
http://freepics.science/22/smile.gif