partners had enough

[piranhaman]

Well i was sat at home yesterday after another failed attempt to get in to work and all of a sudden my parents turn up.

They had driven over 100 miles so i was a little concerned. Then my fiancee turns up with her parents and tells me shes had enough and is leaving me.

We had been together for 8 years and ive cared for her as shes physically disabled.

Im feeling so abandoned and dont know where to turn. I always felt that no matter what happened to me at least i had julie and together we could fix any problems.

Im now 31 and feeling old with no decent job or career. i hvae put on sooo much weight since being ill and now i have to sell up our property and separate everything and move home to cornwall with my parents.


I just cant see any way out of this and she is not prepared to try and work things out. I gave up so much to be with her and have made so many sacrifices due to her physical health.

I was an outdoor pursuits instructor with loads of qualifications and great career prospects but i have lost all of that due to caring for her.

I have no one to talk too as being off work and housebound for so long i have lost all friends. I dont know where to start when it comes to starting on my own as i haven't really been single since i was 17.

Its strange but i haven't had the slightest twinge of anxiety since she broke the news. I realise that i hvaen't been depressed for months and my OCD just isn't about anymore. She says shes scared of me as i have so many temper tantrums and breaks plates etc but ive never lost it where i could be threatening to her.

She says she needs time out and in maybe 8 months or so we can try again but in the mean time we have to sell p and go our separate ways.


Shes going in to hospital for a major operation on monday and i wont see her for 6 weeks anyway but i just dont know what to do now. How do i find out if shes alright? how do i totally uproot my life and start again?

Im not really religious but the only thing stopping me ending it now is fear i might go to hell.

[yorkylover]

Im so sorry you are going through such a bad time at the moment.Maybe when your girlfriend goes into hospital you could contact her parents to find out if shes ok.Have you tried writing her a letter telling her how you feel,sometimes its easier putting it down on paper than telling someone how you feel to there face.
You will find many friends here and some good advice.Your never alone here.
Take care.

Ellen XX

[piranhaman]

Thankyou Ellen

I have tried repeatedly to get her to look at this site o get an understanding of what issues i have.

It hurts sooo much as the reason i got like this was through overwork (70 80 hours aweek night shifts) so we could afford to get this mortgage and then get married.

I have supported through all of her disabled issues and never given up even when it was soooooo hard.

I dont want to be a burden for her as she is obviously having a hard time but, it just feels that no one has been or is there for me while ive been suffering.

I guess what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger and this situation does mean i have a fresh start at life whether i like it or not.

Im so wound up as ive just taken out a years subscription to sky and we have a lovely sports car we now have to sell.[Sigh...]

[tarn]

Hard to swallow mate, never rains does it! I would love to give you some answers but the reality is, even if you didn't have problems this would be a hard situation to deal with. A time you have to dig deep, maybe a testing time when the stronger you will show its head and see off all those demons. A time for you to be a little selfish and concentrate on yourself for a while.
I can't realy give advice as my life is in bits at the moment. I can offer support and understanding to a certain degree.
I do, or did alot of climbing, walking, scrambling but that has drifted away aswell. Its not the activity thats stopping me, its not wanting to feel in a predicument I cant deal with around jolly, happy friends, makes me feel even more isolated.
Ever need to offload just send a message. Keep it together mate!

[Hangtough]

Hey there

I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. Could I maybe add one positive aspect to it though? You said you gave up so much to be with her and support her, well maybe someone somewhere is saying that that's got to stop. You have to start putting yourself first. You are who's most important here. You need to concentrate all your efforts into getting yourself well and then starting to have the life that you deserve.

Hangtough

[carlin]

Hi there, am so very sorry things are so bad right now. I honestly do not have any good advice, but take things one day at a time, let Julie have her operation, and then recover from it, that in itself is so stressful and maybe, at this moment in time she can't be dealing with relationship problems? I know you said you don't harm her when you have an angry moment, but it can still be very scary and she probably just needs to sort herself out first. Maybe, whilst she is recovering, you could ring your doc and ask for a little advice? You sound a very caring, loving person, you can and will get through, don't think any nasty thoughts, you will survive and after a few months of both sorting yourselves out, maybe will end up together again. Sorry if i have offended you, take care and keep in touch xx

[su54321]

aw piranhaman! big hug!! that just sounds awful, i really feel for you, you must be hurting so bad now, but you can get through it.

it was such a sacrifice for you to give up so much to be with her and to put so much effort into the relationship, but as everyone else says, take this opportunity to put yourself first for once, take care of and look after yourself. Think about what your needs are, what you want to do in life, what you enjoy.

you sound like a wonderful person to be so loyal and committed and you also sound very determined. Maybe you can get back into the outdoor pursuits area, take little steps, remind yourself what you enjoy about it. Don't see it as uprooting your whole life, see it as a break in routine and that change is good, maybe change is what you need to help refocus on yourself. good luck and don't hesitate to pm me if you need a chat, love su x :D

[matilda]

Saying she wants to split and doing it are two different thimgs. Maybe when shes got over her op you can discuss things, she must have a lot on her mind at the moment. Your qualifications and experience are still there also. You can use them in the future when you feel better.

Take care Love Matilda.

[Wenjoy]

Hey there - small steps - no matter how small - will get you there in the end - I promise - you have coped with so much and you will gradually claw your way back up again coz we all have faith and believe in you.......

Keep in touch. Love wenjoy x

[susie]

what can i say exept im so sorry things are bad for you,maybe the break will strenthen the relationship it will give you both time to think .you are not alone ,i for one will listen anytime i may not have the answer but im a good listener ,feel free to pm me anytime take care luv suexxx

[net]

splitting up is never going to be easy. and like has been said it may be a good thing to have a break and ahe didnt say it was over for good maybe she's worried about the op and is pushing you away because of it.
i dont know i dont have any answers. but i am willing to listen anytime

netty

the dreams of the future are better than the history of the past

[Lindalou64]

I totally agree with hangtough .....sounds like u only been consentratin on her needs and not workin on ya self.. that right there can be so overwelming..........but im so sorry you have to go thru this all........its hard to lose someone you love.....she should of been more supported of you.i dont know you so sorry if i sound to personal.....im just saying from experience i wish you all the best now get ya self better and move on and if u want maybe u two can work it out..........best to ya.....Linda[8D]

[piranhaman]

Thankyou all soooooo much for responding. I burst in to tears when i found so many replys. For the first time in years, i didn't feel so alone and isolated.

I am moving home today and my parents have sorted out a place to stay and a very decent job with hours and wages that make me very happy.

I am not feeling anxious about this at all for some reason. It feels like something snapped inside me and i currently feel very strong and optomistic. I dont believe im just going to be better overnight but i feel young again and i have a chance to get my life back.

This site is fantastic. To have so many people who understand and care enough about other people to write words of support even though they are having a horrid time themselves has restored alot of my faith in society in general.

once again im thankyou

Nick

[suzanne]

Well done Nick, all seems promising for you.

You go for it and look after number one.

take care suzanne

s shaw

[samc100]

Wow - well done you on sounding so positive in your last post. Let your parents take care and assist you for a while because it sounds as though there has been little time for you in the past years.

I agree with all the others who recommend little steps, bit by bit.

Good luck in the new job

[pips]

Well Done for being POSITIVE that's a huge step and with that attitude you will do great.

Good Luck and all the best!

Take Care,

Love Pip's X X

Pippa.

[yorkylover]

Hi Nick you sound like you have really picked up.Im so pleased for you.Are you moving back to Cornwall.One of my favorite places.
sounds like a fresh start for you.I agree with sammc100,let your parents help you,have some time for you for a while.
Good luck in the new job to.[^]

Ellen XX

[miff]

religeous or not mate HELL is not a place you want to go to.I know it feels like there is nothing left and it couldnt get any worse, but remember there is always someone else worse off than you and they still manage to smile and be kind to others.hang in there mate things will get better.At least this is what i am bankng on in my life.

[piranhaman]

quick update.

oh my god ive been without the internet for so long this is heaven...

well 3 months in and christmas out the way yay!!!

Im now finally back to normal health. i lost 5 stone since the split and i now look skinnier than i like.

workin as a plumber and livin with the parents. The break up was possibly the worst thing ive had in my life but im gettin through it.

The ocd seems to have abated for a while. I have found occasional lapses with my panic attacks but i find the big problems i avoid yet little ones such as goin shoppin i confront head on.

By taking on these small attacks im finding i have less and less big hurdles.

Just found the ex has been seeing someone for a few months lol. She was liein to me to keep the house and car and cats etc. but im 31, i can stay in bed crying and make my situation worse or keep movin forward.

At my lowest point in november i was arrested under the mental health act as a danger to myself....lying in the hospital bed i realised that i couldn't get much lower. The psychiatrist was so intrigued by my case, he has taken me on as an out patient for pschotherapy (apparently you cant get it in cornwall on the nhs and theres at least a 12 month waitin list). so i start seeinghim on the 15th and i have so many new friends...

I think it was my situation living up country that made me soooooo bad but now at least im outta my dark place and got an internet connection so yay...

Thanks to everyone who replied at the time....it gave me such hopeand made me feel so strong.

[chillx]

Hi

It sounds as if you are turning your life around and getting the necessary support you need. I am so pleased to hear this.

Your have been to the depths of despair and have climbed out of the dark place.

I know things will keep improving for you. Take Care.

chillx

[Richie]

sorry i can't give you much advice as im going through a similar situation. It seems so unfair that you have helped her out so much and then when you need some support its not there. But try not to give up on the relationship cause maybe life has been so stressful for the both of you caring for one another, abreak\time apart can help to heal the wounds and put things into perspective
Anyway thankyou for your post i am sure it has helped others reading it and the threads that follow on I know it has made me realise there are others out there in these circumstances
Take care luv Richie xx

[nomorepanic]

Please be aware that this post is very old and the member is no longer on here.