Cyn
08-09-06, 08:40
Hi everyone,
I have just been reading through some of the posts and it is a comfort to me to know that other people are going through the same thing.
I have been having panic attacks for around 6 years now, I go through good patches and bad patches and to be honest have always been able to see myself through the bad ones. I have real trouble doing things on my own which I have started working on but doing things with my partner (we live together) I am usually fine, we even had a holiday this year.
I have a good job as a PA with a great company about 20 mins drive away. Sometimes I struggle on the way to work but I have always been able to control the feelings and know that they will go away, sometimes I have been bad at work but I comfort myself with the fact that certain people know at work and are my 'safe' people and that I can get home if it get really bad.
On Monday evening just before I was due to leave home there was an accident on the road I go on home. I left work as soon as I found out but as the road had been closed they diverted everyone off to the side roads I was planning to use. I felt trapped and the panicy feelings came on stronger than ever. I really struggle when I am on my own and feel panicy, I always think that something is going to happen to me when I am driving or I am going to faint etc. Anyway I phoned my partner who works in London and he said he would get the train to the station near my work and I should go back to work until he gets there. I managed to get back to work but the panic I experienced there was worse than ever!! The fact that I could always get home to my safe place has always been a comfort to me and now that there was no possiblility of getting home quickly I just really freaked out. I have never experienced panic like that before, pure terror going through me which I was unable to control making me want to run somewhere and I was trapped.
Anyway my partner came and we got home fine but much later than usual.
The next morning I really freaked out, I was on the way to work and I started to get the same feelings of terror which I had had the evening before. My heart started thumping and the feelings were too intense to control. I think it has something to do with the fact that I was so scared the day before, I just had the feelings of being trapped again and they were uncontolable - I had to head home.
On Wednesday my partner got the train from the station near my work so I was able to drive with him most of the way, as soon as I got to work the feelings started again. I felt trapped as I had got to work within rush hour and knew that if I was to travel back home again I would get stuck in loads of traffic and feel really trapped again. I made a doctors appointment and managed to stick work out until about 1pm and then left. The journey home again on my own was awful. feeling terrible and like I was about to faint and crash.
I told the doctor all of this and he has prescribed me Citalopram. I have always had reservations regarding medication but I think I am going to take these now, I will try anything to make this go away. Although some of the posts on here about how it gets worse before it gets better on these pills is kind of putting me off.
On Thursday I worked from home, same today. Luckily my boss at work has been really great about it and even suggested I take some time off sick. I told him that I wanted to work as it takes my mind of things.
I think what it comes down to is that I can't get myself out of the house as I know I will have these feelings again. Previously I have always been able to control them, this time they are worse than they have ever ever been. I feel like I am going mad and that this isn't the real me. My boss assures me that I am not going to lose my job and just to focus on getting better, but I am really too scared to go out of the house, how the hell am I supposed to hold down this job? I even got myself all ready for work this morning (partner was going to drive with me again) and told myself
I have just been reading through some of the posts and it is a comfort to me to know that other people are going through the same thing.
I have been having panic attacks for around 6 years now, I go through good patches and bad patches and to be honest have always been able to see myself through the bad ones. I have real trouble doing things on my own which I have started working on but doing things with my partner (we live together) I am usually fine, we even had a holiday this year.
I have a good job as a PA with a great company about 20 mins drive away. Sometimes I struggle on the way to work but I have always been able to control the feelings and know that they will go away, sometimes I have been bad at work but I comfort myself with the fact that certain people know at work and are my 'safe' people and that I can get home if it get really bad.
On Monday evening just before I was due to leave home there was an accident on the road I go on home. I left work as soon as I found out but as the road had been closed they diverted everyone off to the side roads I was planning to use. I felt trapped and the panicy feelings came on stronger than ever. I really struggle when I am on my own and feel panicy, I always think that something is going to happen to me when I am driving or I am going to faint etc. Anyway I phoned my partner who works in London and he said he would get the train to the station near my work and I should go back to work until he gets there. I managed to get back to work but the panic I experienced there was worse than ever!! The fact that I could always get home to my safe place has always been a comfort to me and now that there was no possiblility of getting home quickly I just really freaked out. I have never experienced panic like that before, pure terror going through me which I was unable to control making me want to run somewhere and I was trapped.
Anyway my partner came and we got home fine but much later than usual.
The next morning I really freaked out, I was on the way to work and I started to get the same feelings of terror which I had had the evening before. My heart started thumping and the feelings were too intense to control. I think it has something to do with the fact that I was so scared the day before, I just had the feelings of being trapped again and they were uncontolable - I had to head home.
On Wednesday my partner got the train from the station near my work so I was able to drive with him most of the way, as soon as I got to work the feelings started again. I felt trapped as I had got to work within rush hour and knew that if I was to travel back home again I would get stuck in loads of traffic and feel really trapped again. I made a doctors appointment and managed to stick work out until about 1pm and then left. The journey home again on my own was awful. feeling terrible and like I was about to faint and crash.
I told the doctor all of this and he has prescribed me Citalopram. I have always had reservations regarding medication but I think I am going to take these now, I will try anything to make this go away. Although some of the posts on here about how it gets worse before it gets better on these pills is kind of putting me off.
On Thursday I worked from home, same today. Luckily my boss at work has been really great about it and even suggested I take some time off sick. I told him that I wanted to work as it takes my mind of things.
I think what it comes down to is that I can't get myself out of the house as I know I will have these feelings again. Previously I have always been able to control them, this time they are worse than they have ever ever been. I feel like I am going mad and that this isn't the real me. My boss assures me that I am not going to lose my job and just to focus on getting better, but I am really too scared to go out of the house, how the hell am I supposed to hold down this job? I even got myself all ready for work this morning (partner was going to drive with me again) and told myself