please help, having a really bad time ... :(

[Cyn]

Hi everyone,

I have just been reading through some of the posts and it is a comfort to me to know that other people are going through the same thing.

I have been having panic attacks for around 6 years now, I go through good patches and bad patches and to be honest have always been able to see myself through the bad ones. I have real trouble doing things on my own which I have started working on but doing things with my partner (we live together) I am usually fine, we even had a holiday this year.

I have a good job as a PA with a great company about 20 mins drive away. Sometimes I struggle on the way to work but I have always been able to control the feelings and know that they will go away, sometimes I have been bad at work but I comfort myself with the fact that certain people know at work and are my 'safe' people and that I can get home if it get really bad.

On Monday evening just before I was due to leave home there was an accident on the road I go on home. I left work as soon as I found out but as the road had been closed they diverted everyone off to the side roads I was planning to use. I felt trapped and the panicy feelings came on stronger than ever. I really struggle when I am on my own and feel panicy, I always think that something is going to happen to me when I am driving or I am going to faint etc. Anyway I phoned my partner who works in London and he said he would get the train to the station near my work and I should go back to work until he gets there. I managed to get back to work but the panic I experienced there was worse than ever!! The fact that I could always get home to my safe place has always been a comfort to me and now that there was no possiblility of getting home quickly I just really freaked out. I have never experienced panic like that before, pure terror going through me which I was unable to control making me want to run somewhere and I was trapped.
Anyway my partner came and we got home fine but much later than usual.

The next morning I really freaked out, I was on the way to work and I started to get the same feelings of terror which I had had the evening before. My heart started thumping and the feelings were too intense to control. I think it has something to do with the fact that I was so scared the day before, I just had the feelings of being trapped again and they were uncontolable - I had to head home.

On Wednesday my partner got the train from the station near my work so I was able to drive with him most of the way, as soon as I got to work the feelings started again. I felt trapped as I had got to work within rush hour and knew that if I was to travel back home again I would get stuck in loads of traffic and feel really trapped again. I made a doctors appointment and managed to stick work out until about 1pm and then left. The journey home again on my own was awful. feeling terrible and like I was about to faint and crash.

I told the doctor all of this and he has prescribed me Citalopram. I have always had reservations regarding medication but I think I am going to take these now, I will try anything to make this go away. Although some of the posts on here about how it gets worse before it gets better on these pills is kind of putting me off.

On Thursday I worked from home, same today. Luckily my boss at work has been really great about it and even suggested I take some time off sick. I told him that I wanted to work as it takes my mind of things.

I think what it comes down to is that I can't get myself out of the house as I know I will have these feelings again. Previously I have always been able to control them, this time they are worse than they have ever ever been. I feel like I am going mad and that this isn't the real me. My boss assures me that I am not going to lose my job and just to focus on getting better, but I am really too scared to go out of the house, how the hell am I supposed to hold down this job? I even got myself all ready for work this morning (partner was going to drive with me again) and told myself

[trac67]

Hi Cyn,

Welcome to the forum, you will get a lot of good advice here and make some new friends.

The following is a link to the first steps on dealing with panic and anxiety, hope it is of some help :

First Steps to overcoming Panic and Anxiety (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=942)

Take care

Trac xx

'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'

[missacorah]

Poor you! There is nothing like that feeling of pure (unnecessary) terror washing over you is there?

Try to look at the positives - you have a really understanding boss which is great. A friend of mine had her boss calling her most days askig when she would be back - she didnt have panic attacks, she had neck problems but can you imagine how that would be?Concentrate on you and so what if you cant get out for a few days or need a few days off work - most people do at one time or another.

I have just come out the other side of a really bad few weeks and I didnt go out for about 2 weeks. I have been signed off work for a week and hoping to go back on Tuesday but if I can then I cant!If you'd have told me 2 weeks ago that I would be feeling roughly back to normal in a fortnight I wiould have never have believed it. Be kind to yourself!

Take Care.

[belle]

Hi....

What you need to focus on, is that although going to and from work has not been a very nice experience lately YOU HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO IT! That is where i went wrong, i gave up and let the panic win resulting in many many months not leaving the house AT ALL, freaking out somedays if i needed to go upstairs and i've now been agoraphobic for 8 years and i still can't go any further than a mile from home!!!

Whatever you do, don't stop fighting it. You are strong enough to cope, you've proved that already. Good Luck :)
Sarah.

[yorkylover]

Hi Cyn,you poor thing.I had the same sort of thing happen to me a month ago.I have suffered for over 10 years with anxiety and depression.The last year I was coping really well.
A month ago we were due to go to the Isle of wight for the day.Got to the ferry port and had a major panic attack.God the feelings are horrid.We couldnt get on the ferry,I was terrified of feeling like that on the ferry and not being able to get off.Since then I have only been out with my man or my mum.
I have been on ferries loads of times,so I couldnt undrestand it.I had the panic all the home on the motorway,and then a few days later was terrified of being back on the road so had another attack.I try and avoid places where I have them and its not good!!!!!!!!There will be no where I can go soon.
I had to have two weeks of work because of this attack,still not over it.I have good days and bad days.
You will find so many people like us here and there all great,with great advice.
Take care,and remember your not alone.And having such an understanding partner is fab.;)

Ellen XX

[Granny Primark]

Hi cyn,

I so understand how you feel.
I had my first panic attack last year whilst stuck in traffic all i wanted to do was to get home quickly.
I couldnt drive back myself and had to wait for over an hour for my hubby to pick me up, by which time i was a nervous wreck.
I couldnt go on holiday last october and feel anxious when i even go 10 miles away from home even if im with my hubby.
This thing called anxiety and panic really does seem to rule your life.
Ive been waiting for cbt treatment for 8 months now, but ive realised ive got to start helping myself more and have started to push myself and set myself small tasks. i.e going to the local shop on my own.
I havent worked for 12 months but wish id carried on working if it was only doing part time. My job was a community carer so it meant driving in rush hour traffic and being stuck in traffic jams is a major fear for me now.
Im glad youve found this site because the people on here really understand what you are going through, cus until youve experienced panic yourself i think its impossible to understand.
I really hope things improve for you, im sure they will now youve joined this site because youl get loads of advice, help and support.

Take Care
LYNN xx

[Jellybaby]

Hi Cyn

I have suffered with panic attacks for about 13 years now although have to say I am at a stage where I know my triggers and what situations set them off.

If you haven't tried hypnotherapy then I would highly recommend it as I have certainly felt more in control of my anxiety since having it.

I also suffer it in my car and doing the work I do (VA at home) does always help as I have to type statements up on traffic accidents!

I think you are doing the right thing in working though - it is sending the signals to your brain that you can do this.

Good luck with overcoming this and take care

Toni x

http://www.mumszone.co.uk

[polly daydream]

Hi Cyn and welcome to the forum.

Best wishes,

Polly

[ceecee]

hi Cyn welcome to the forum!you,ll find lots of great advice here!!!
take care rachel x

[manmoor]

Hi Cyn,

A big warm welcome to you. We are all here for each other.

Take Care

Mandyxx

[Cyn]

Thank you all for your kind replies, it is such a comfort to know that I am not suffering alone with this - this site is such a wealth of information and it is great that sufferers can come together like this!!

I have to go out of the house today to go and see a phycaratrist (never know how to spell those words!) My partner is coming with me so I feel a bit safer but then we have to drive to the other side of London for lunch with his Gran and Grandad. This has been on the cards for a while and I am dreading it. So scared I am going to freak out in front of them.

I am going to take the Citalopram this evening too, I have been reading about it on the site and to be honest now I am a bit scared of taking it as alot of people have said it makes you worse before it makes you better. Can only give it a go though I guess. Has anyone had any good experiences of this drug, does it really help? I know it takes a few weeks to kick in.

Anyway wish me luck today, will let you know how I get on.

I hope everyone has a positive day - I am going to try and think happy thoughts today!! :)

Cyn x

[Anjuta]

Hi Cyn!
I have been suffering from anxiety for just over a year now..and slowly getting better without any medication, thanx to my cbt practitioner and occupation therapist.
I will strongly suggest to visit youp GP and ask referral to cbt practitioner. Because if left untreated it will only get worse and longer to recover. I was at the stage when i could only do things with my partner, i had to be with him all the time in case something will happen to me. That also started affecting our relationship as i had to come in to work with him (couldn't stay at home on my own) That was my safety behaviour, but it only kept my anxiety and slowly was making it worse. I started seeing CBT lady and leaned a lot of good stuff. Reading your message i understood that you were able to go to work but now you find it difficult, YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN! Remember anxiety will not kill you however scary it is...you will not faint....If you will get into comfort of your home and seeking reassurance from your partner it will only will keep your anxiety. I know it is difficult to think this way when you are having an attack, but that what cbt teaches you step by step.
Try to go back to work, remind yourself that you have done it before and can do it again, you will not go mad!
I have been also perscribed citalopram a year ago but they are still in my draw unpacked! when you are driving to work try to imagining yourself coping with it rather than placing bad images in your head(like faint, crash) as it only activates fight to fight responce and your body reacts producing more unpleasant physical symptoms.
Good luck with overcoming it!
Anna x
that's my e-mail if you want a chat
anjuta777@hotmail.com

[glanford]

Hi Cyn,

Your description of those events is very close to my own experience.

Good luck to you. It really helps to have a supportive partner as you you say you have.

[lisa smith]

i totally agree with anjuta. i see an anxiety councellor at the moment, and she has been a great help. i used to sit and cry, when my partner used to go to work, as i didnt want to be on my own. i also used to cry and cringe, when i had to take my kids to school on a morning, as i never wanted to talk to other mums at the school. it was awful, as i used to go to school with these people, when i was younger. i have alot of supportive friends, and i bet you have aswell, so you are never on your own. THE MORE YOU FIGHT YOUR FEARS, THE BETTER YOU WILL BECOME... TAKE CARE.XX

[net]

i'm not on citalpram but my meds made me feel a bit worse its normal because they are working into your body but its nothing to worry about.

i know what you mean about driving to your safe place where i live there are major roadworks and recently the road i took that had been closed and i had to find another route i knew another one but having to go a different way to what i'm used to made me anxious

netty

the dreams of the future are better than the history of the past

[Lindalou64]

hi cyn..........all i can say i think u had that cause u were thrown off from your safety area.i hate detours.....having a cell with me helps tho......try and talk with others till i get thru it and keep my mind off of the panic and i must say u have great support very lucky...im sure this will pass for you ..i wish u the best........Linda[8D]