Feel excluded

[W.I.F.T.S.]

I know that it's not particularly reality, but I feel excluded from a lot of things. I feel like most music isn't meant for my enjoyment, that places aren't meant for me..... that I'm out of place, that I'm an unwanted guest and a gate crasher. I honestly don't feel at home anywhere.

There was one point in my life where I really felt accepted and that's when I got together with my first girlfriend and I spent time in London.

It must surely be because I'm so uptight and lacking in confidence that I feel like I don't belong.

Slightly aside from the point, I was talking to a girl today who plays in my football team and she was telling me how she's been in the army and moved around a bit. Again, maybe it's because of my lack of confidence and low fear threshold, but the thought of going and living in somewhere like Blackburn makes me feel sick.

In one way I'd like to move around, because I need variety (monotony really drags me down), but I also feel like I need some where to call home and to have a group of people around me that I feel that I can rely on.

One thing that makes me feel down is feeling like I'm leading a very 'low' life- working in low paid, manual jobs, having very little money, feeling like I have little status or influence, not really going out and doing things with my life because of lack of money and lack of confidence.

I always hoped that I'd get a decent job and that everything would slot into place and I'd feel much more relaxed. maybe it still will.

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

[groovygranny]

If nobody did the low-paid manual jobs then they wouldn't get done...and we'd all probably suffer! If this sounds patronising then I apologise, it is not my intention to. But I really do believe that sometimes these 'lowly' (I had that word!) jobs can be the most important and we would all really notice if they weren't done by somebody! This doesn't mean I advocate one being stuck in a job (whether it be low-paid and manual or company executive) thinking there is no way out. What I'm trying to say (and probably not making a very good job of it!) is just be yourself. You don't have to live up to or emulate anybody. I must say that having read some of your posts here on NMP I have the utmost respect for you. Your posts are always considerate and and the advice quite obviously genuine and very wise! You are you here and I'm sure I'm not the only one who would encourage you to be so even when you're not online!

Lotsa Luv
xxx

'There are no such things as strangers; just friends we haven't made yet!'

[groovygranny]

PS:

If people won't accept you as you are - then it's their loss [^]

xxx

'There are no such things as strangers; just friends we haven't made yet!'

[W.I.F.T.S.]

Thanks for the advice (and flattery!)

I guess that I feel like I don't know who I am, I don't feel like I have an identity.

It seems like for along time people have been saying to me ' you need to do this...', 'you're too much like that...'

I don't feel accepted by other people. Maybe that's just me focussing on the negatives or them spotting that my confidence is low and having a go to make themselves feel better, I don't know.

I do feel that I need to change, because I don't like who I am very much and I feel like my weaknesses are preventing me from having any chance of happiness.

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

[groovygranny]

No flattery my friend....just speaking honestly! I have learned that it really is the best policy, even if you get shat on (oops, am I allowed to say that?) at times because of it! This is going to sound a real cliche now, but have you tried writing down the things you dislike about yourself ?? You might surprise yourself and discover some things that you do like in the process!! I don't like me sometimes but then nobody is perfect, cos if we were we wouldn't need anyone else and then we all wouldn't be here making friends on NMP!![^][^]
You ever thought that what you consider your weaknesses could be sensitivities instead? I believe a lot of the time our strengths can be manifested in our sensitivy.

Big Janner Hugs for you :D
xx

'There are no such things as strangers; just friends we haven't made yet!'

[W.I.F.T.S.]

I've heard people compare a panic attack/ depression to a tantrum and I can see where they're coming from. I feel like an awkward kid 'don't like that...', 'don't want to do that...'

I've come home and I've tried to put a positive spin on it and to convince myself that I'm building bridges with my family and trying to create a bond, but it feels a bit like it's all one way. In the pub last night my dad gave me a back-handed compliment "he used to be good at drawing, but he never did anything with it".

I know a lot of people, when they come home from Uni find it impossible to live with their families again and move away. I came home because I felt really unwell and I wanted to feel safe and looked after, but I didn't get that at all. If I had the confidence I would move out, because I'm 30 years old and being told to tidy my room does nothing for my self-esteem at all!!

I was in the pub last night and I was imagining how I would feel if I had no pressure of work the next day- I could chose either to work or not to and I could find a job without even trying and it did feel like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I know that the job-hunting process could be so much easier if I wasn't trying to find the perfect job and putting all my happiness into one thing that might suddenly be dashed.

I'm finally understanding how to have an effect on my own psychology and attitudes.

I'm thinking that I should definitely get back into education.

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

[samc100]

Back into education? Oooh sounds exciting what are thinking of doing? Something with your artistic talents that your Dad referred to?

Don't ever feel ashamed or belittled because you don't have a top job. You probably put alot more into society and not just tax money..

[groovygranny]

Back into learning or teaching ?

Don't let those talents go to waste!! [^]

xx

'There are no such things as strangers; just friends we haven't made yet!'

[freakedout]

Hi WIFTS

I can relate to that feeling that you 'dont belong'. I dont feel excluded myself but perhaps not cut out for life. At one point I was very career minded, I climbed the ladder quickly at work and loved my job. Being unwell over the last couple of years, particularly, has smashed my outlook on life to smithereens. I question the meaning of life, not in a monty python way!! I see no future, a pointless existence, I cannot get out of the sinking sand.

Work is important to me, although totally impossible at present, I had big dreams when I was younger and now I feel foolish for being so niaive. I changed my job several times 'looking for the ultimately satisfying one'. I was in fact running from my fears to the point where I am now, isolated, paranoid, self-conscious, lacking in confidance and self-esteem. I just dont know, I dont think there is an ultimately satisfying job out there, well not for me anyway!

I can sooooooooo relate to "not knowing who you are". It makes you kind of feel lost somehow. Groovygranny put it well when she said just be yourself, maybe we spend too much time trying to find the missing links.

It is hard to just let go, accept that this is as good as it gets. I am only speaking words that I feel for myself, whereas you do have positive vibes in between your negative ones.

Take Care, sorry for waffling on.




Freaky:(

[W.I.F.T.S.]

I know what you mean about running away from things. I went to study 200 miles away because I wanted to get away from home. I've had so many jobs I've lost count. I've been torn between feeling that if I'm not happy i should move on and thinking that I should stay and face what makes me unhappy because otherwise I'll never settle.

I went to the gym to do some yoga this morning and I thought that health and fitness is the only thing that I can do where I can feel good about myself without turning into an egotist. I don't mean that I'm brilliant at it, but I think that if i chose to get into it then physically I'd feel a lot better, I'd feel better about the way I look, it's goal orientated (so i'd feel purpose), sport is great socially and for team building and the theory behind it all is so important these days- I think it would be really interesting to get into something like sports psychology.

I do admire these people who have a second career as a reflexologist or a yoga teacher or whatever, people who find calmness and a more relaxed lifestyle for themselves.

I've decided that at the minute I'm going to buy a book a month and to learn as much as I can about depression, anxiety, relaxation and all these different techniques. I keep imagining myself on Paul Mckenna's tv show and him showing me a really simple technique that makes me feel so much more relaxed and confident and I know that I can change the way that I feel and be a much happier person.

My first book has arrived today 'Feeling Good' by David Burns. Just looking at the chapter headings I'm quite interested in reading it already: Do-Nothingism, Ways of defeating Guilt, The Approval Addiction, Dare to be Average!

I can guess where they're leading already and I know that I have spent so much of my life doing nothing, that I need constant approval and that I set my expectations far too high.

Anybody interested in getting a copy and reading it with me? It only costs about £6

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.