View Full Version : Fear of suicide!!!???
Hi guys
Just a quick question.......
Does anyone else get the fear that they will end up commiting suicide?
Ive had it the past few days now but its unusual because i dont really think i want to and have no plans or anything like that to do it but its just a general feeling that its all going to get too much.
Its really difficult to explain..........its like you feel the end is coming???
Today i was going to go to work but ended up calling in sick because i was so worried that id end up going crazy or losing the plot.
Its like a feeling that your not safe in your own mind?
I suppose im just after some reassurance that im not likely to kill myself?
Its just such a bizzare scary overwhelming feeling.
ah i kind of get what you mean the feeling of dread is something that comes from being very anxious... you think anything could happen and for me i have a fear of not being able to control my thoughts because the anxiety feels uncontrollable... i have an irrational fear of knives so i always worry about injuring myself or someone else whenever I'm near them (i know i wouldn't ever I'm like the most passive person you could find) but the feeling of dread and the lack of control over anxiety can make you think all sorts of weird things... most recently I've had a fear of going crazy (again all it is is a fear of not being able to control the anxiety and then you just spin off the thoughts to what if i do this or what if i lose control) but I've read a lot of things like this and its not uncommon to feel like you might lose the plot.... i do every time i have a panic attack or think too much
hope this helps x
Yes, i'm deeply afraid. I'm scared I will snap and I will commit suicide. Its our anxiety that triggers these thoughts though, if you feel that you will really hurt yourself do get help! Sometimes my anxiety is so bad and I get scared about the future and I start thinking about my family and where I'll be 20 years from now.
Did you know Abe Lincoln was terrified to be around knives? He was scared he would kill himself. I read that somewhere, I don't remember where..
I understand how you are feeling OP, and I know you posted a while ago, but reading this thread has been helpful for me as sometimes I feel I am the only one with these thoughts, and I am different from every other human being.
I know where you're coming from i get that a lot myself and it can be paralyzing,the thought that you know how this will end no matter what you do.
I'm going through a bad patch of this right now in fact and its being made worse by some side effects of the medication i'm on(i'm trying to get that sorted out with my doctor as i type this).
I think I should add to my reply (this has always been a hard topic for me to talk about, so sorry I only touched on it briefly yesterday)
my life has always been tough.
from a young age losing everything- stability, family support, motivation, etc etc. I admit that sometimes I think i'm in an actual life simulator it's been so bad.
the point i'm trying to make is, that life for me has always been about trying to be content (I sort of have a fear of not being content, ever)
so where I see things, I fear living just as much as I fear suicide... I can't seem to find anything that makes me content and happy with life, and continuing living like this is not really an option (or it is, just not something i'd choose to do)
an example.. do i want to live until i'm 80 years old- and look back on my life and say well.. yeah, i didn't do this.. or this, or this, or this or this, and go on to think about what the point was of my life anyway.
and suicide is a form of contentment, to me at least. and that's where i'm worried about it.. i see it as a form of contentment, not so much a bad thing.
their's my longer response on it all
Emily, you have many challenges in your life and have been dealt a rough deal. Keep posting on here-as people have said you are a breath of fresh air but you need support from people who understand your pain and can help you through the particularly bad times of which I'm sure there must be many.
Emily, you have many challenges in your life and have been dealt a rough deal. Keep posting on here-as people have said you are a breath of fresh air but you need support from people who understand your pain and can help you through the particularly bad times of which I'm sure there must be many.
don't we all!.
thanks for reminding me that I'm wanted. (on this forum anyway)
This sounds OCD-esque/obsessive thoughts. Of course, I can't be 100% sure but yeah.
MyNameIsTerry
02-11-15, 13:52
Fearing living has always been one of my defining features for GAD. The HA sufferers fear death, or something serious leading to it, and the GAD sufferers tend to fear anxiety increasing from trying to just live.
I feel much the same about not wanting to look back in a waste.
I don't fear death at all, I fear it for my loved ones. Many times I have wished it to happen to me just to escape the pain of anxiety. I learnt not to fear this because it's something even people with chronic physical problems go through - sometimes things just feel too much and we want a way out. That's a world away from doing something though. I wonder what role your bipolar plays in it as it would seem common sense a swing to depression would make you feel more like this as low mood had always brought on negative thinking for me in my experience whereas frustration from too much anxiety had a different feeling to it.
I agree with pulisa & a Ricardo, I enjoy reading your threads Emily because you do have a certain innocence to you and it often makes me smile. This can refreshing and uplifting.
carolineellen
02-11-15, 16:05
A few years ago, I thought it was the only answer to my mental state of mind. However my nephew took his own life around the same time, having seen what it done to my family I didn't do it.
I used to look up ways on the Internet on the best way to do it, I just wanted my everyday suffering to end. I felt I couldn't take it any more and was losing my mind. I saw a psychiatrist who assure me that because I was asking for help I was at lower risk for actually doing it. Aparently most people that take their own lives don't plan or think about it before hand, and very rarely ask for help.
Having said that I do still get days when I think about it still 😕
Yes I think we all have these thoughts. I say to myself I've had 20 years of this s##t enough is enough. Then I think of what a selfish act it would be and I get a bit of fight back in me. I said to mum once I've got 2 options I kill myself or I fight it harder she was devastated that I even had been thinking that way. I choose to live. Emily 67 when you're feeling this way get on here and talk it out . There's always someone here for you
A few years ago, I thought it was the only answer to my mental state of mind. However my nephew took his own life around the same time, having seen what it done to my family I didn't do it.
I used to look up ways on the Internet on the best way to do it, I just wanted my everyday suffering to end. I felt I couldn't take it any more and was losing my mind. I saw a psychiatrist who assure me that because I was asking for help I was at lower risk for actually doing it. Aparently most people that take their own lives don't plan or think about it before hand, and very rarely ask for help.
Having said that I do still get days when I think about it still ��
i'd like to comment on something you said about people who take their own lives rarely asking for help.
i agree with this.
i used to write to someone all the time (not on this forum, on another website). the person in question was intent on taking her life, and not asking for help- as she felt that suicide isn't taken seriously enough, and most of the time when you ask for help it is just ignored (which i agree with, 100 percent)
cut a long story short, she did eventually take her life- and it was very sad for her family and for everyone who knew her
now going back to what i was saying about asking for help, yes. i do think the issue of suicide is taken very lightly indeed.
you know: you have someone come up and saying to a professional- i'm suicidal, help me.
either you get the.. well, you're not gonna do it- because you're asking for help to stay safe, or the silent treatment- and they want to get rid of you because they feel their are more important people under their care, who actually are at risk
but, when that person who asked for help actually does it.. what then. it's just another case of neglecting to spot the signs.
but it's a topic that i could talk all night on if you let me. i have a lot of views about this.. so i'll shut up now lol
I on the other hand would argue that people who ask for help rarely carry through and that people do not plan.
What I do know to be true is that asking for help is no guarantee that you will receive it. It seems that due to resource restrictions I assume, that it takes someone to advise that they are in the midst of the act before anything is done. Even then it is tends to be a case of keeping the person safe and away from the opportunity to carry it through. The person is contained and safe in the short term, but nothing is one to deal with the real problem.
As to not planning, again I would really question that. Probably the majority of people that commit suicide do so more on a whim but there are definitely loads of people who spend their time researching the best way and taking time to put their affairs in order.
Selfish? - I would argue that as well, at least in some cases.
I have dogs and we have a series of questions we ask ourselves regarding quality of life for sick or old dogs. Once the negatives outweigh the positives it is considered cruel to pro long life, that is seen as being selfish.
Why should the rules be so different for us?
I on the other hand would argue that people who ask for help rarely carry through and that people do not plan.
What I do know to be true is that asking for help is no guarantee that you will receive it. It seems that due to resource restrictions I assume, that it takes someone to advise that they are in the midst of the act before anything is done. Even then it is tends to be a case of keeping the person safe and away from the opportunity to carry it through. The person is contained and safe in the short term, but nothing is one to deal with the real problem.
As to not planning, again I would really question that. Probably the majority of people that commit suicide do so more on a whim but there are definitely loads of people who spend their time researching the best way and taking time to put their affairs in order.
Selfish? - I would argue that as well, at least in some cases.
I have dogs and we have a series of questions we ask ourselves regarding quality of life for sick or old dogs. Once the negatives outweigh the positives it is considered cruel to pro long life, that is seen as being selfish.
Why should the rules be so different for us?
Elen, the question is suicide selfish, is certainly a 2 sided argument.
yes it is. if people have family/ friends, possibly a boyfriend/girlfriend, then yes.. it is. it's unfair to leave them to deal with the aftermath
have you ever listened to the song, the magician's assistant by dan le sac vs scrubious pip?
listen to that song. it deffently addresses that issue, and while the style of music might not be for everyone's taste, I think it's the message that counts
on the other side of the argument, no, suicide isn't selfish.
what if, for example, we used your example of a sick dog.
what if, for example, the person is too sick mentally to continue. they've exhausted all their options, they don't have anything they want from life, they have no one left, and they can't see a way out?
no matter how many times they are told they have a lot to live for and that things get better, they can't believe it because for them- everything in their world has collapsed. is it then, a possible argument that it's selfish to keep on living?
if that person is so ill mentally, is it right for that person to go on just because, if they go ahead with suicide it's a selfish act and looked down on?.
no I don't think so. I think that if you're in that situation, you have that option
I watched a programme recently narrated by terry Pratchett, which talked about suicide. in the programme he talked about once he could no longer write, he would probably end it- which seems to suggest some logic to my argument. if you can no longer do what you love, or indeed have no interest in anything anymore, then what's the point to life.
I can't really comment on planning it.. I think most people get so desperate, that they don't think it through.
you hear it all the time.. people making atemps on their lives, I don't think that's planning. I think that's desperation. they don't know if it will succeed or not. you also hear stories of people surviving atemps, and feeling glad they didn't die. so I believe it's mainly desperation more than it is planning
carolineellen
02-11-15, 23:14
I don't think it's selfish. . . Yes the people you leave behind will struggle, they will grieve for you, miss you, struggle to understand why you did it. but no one knows what it's like to live each day as you ! What's going on in your own head, how hard it is both physically and emotionally to get through each day. . . I would never say it is a selfish act. .
On the subject on planning it, I know there are cases when people do, but I think the majority of people don't. . I am mainly basing this on what my sister was told when she attended a support group for people who have lost loved ones to suicide, and also what I was told.
MyNameIsTerry
03-11-15, 05:15
This reminds me of a lesson I learnt about mental health. Before my anxiety developed I was quite critical of other managers I worked with when I was in that role. Many went off with stress and we used to complain about how they had very easy well established work areas to manage that pretty much ran themselves compared to those of us who were building new workstreams, training on things there were no processes (we had to research and write them), etc. Along with a few others, I was put onto the most complicated and strict work areas because of industry knowledge other managers didn't have plus my background gave me a leg up as I had worked my way up and many of the new managers were externally recruited hence we had to mentor them too on anything in the workstreams adding more pressure onto us.
Then one day I started with anxiety. My opinion changed overnight on this. Yes, I had very complex and stressful work areas but I realised that we all had our breaking points and it really doesn't matter how far you can go until you reach it, all that matters is what comes next. For some time I felt ashamed for harshly judging these people and assuming weakness (typical stigma) as now I understood what it was like to be living in fear of the most basic things in my day in absence of all the stress.
So, I try to apply this and remain as non judgemental as possible. I have probably two weaknesses in this 1) celebrities who harp on about their disorders which are often nothing compared to anything you read in a credible place like NMP and 2) "gurus" who are often charlatans and make science up and confuse people. But other than these 2 groups, I'm pretty non judgemental now because of sitting talking to fellow sufferers, places like this and learning about complicated intrusive thoughts in OCD that have themes that are less socially acceptable to the ignorant e.g. POCD.
I try to apply this to subjects like suicide. I believe suicide falls into different camps with the homicical ones being the rarest and possibly most complex form. I've read articles about how people can be totally lucid in their decision as well as those who are totally desperate and then there are the ones that are more a cry for help. People who want to do this, really just do it and make sure it is done. Those that are desperate but crying out for help are more likely to do it if there is a chance it won't work. This is just how I feel about what I believe are different forms it comes in.
But the one rule I apply to every single form of it is the rule I mentioned above and the rule I live by when it comes to any human behaviour - until you've lived it, how do you know? I'm not an expert, I'm not trained, I haven't had the benefit of expert experience and support to understand all these complex issues. I only know what I've learnt for myself from researching conditions and my own intuition. I can easily say I have to take this attitude with NMP and all it's members because who has ever lived all the experiences we bring as a collective?
So, I am non judgemental about the whole "is it selfish or not" issue because I know it will be a very complex subject that I have limited knowledge & understandfing of...I've not been there plus I don't have kids but I do have loved ones in my parents and brother, GF, etc. Before I learned what I do now, I would have certainly said selfish but now I know life is much more complex than I thought it was. I would certainly see it as a tragedy though.
There can also be issues of other more complex mental health conditions involved e.g. schizophrenia, psychosis, delusion, etc and these are obviously a very different thing and not a case for being selfish anyway.
It can be seen as selfish to leave loved ones behind but the person may even be thinking they would be better off. I've thought that one many times with my anxiety because of the strain I've put on others and how I felt ashamed or a burden,
It's a very complex issue. A case-by-case one perhaps. You could even apply taking a life to it as there are many levels to when someone does that e.g. soldiers do it through sanction but try explaining that to the loved ones of the fallen.
GingerFish
03-11-15, 08:16
I had this last week when I was at my worst. I was panicking non stop it felt like and my OCD was through the roof. I was in no way suicidal but I also didn't see how I could cope with living like this for much longer. I told my GP this and she said it was stress and anxiety and she understood completely what I meant. She said it was just because I was overwhelmed from the anxiety but I had the start of a bug, I hadn't slept and ate well got days either so everything just built up. Thankfully the feeling is pretty much gone but it scared me to even think of suicide, as its never been a thought in my head before. I was never contemplating it but just having the word in my head scared me.
This reminds me of a lesson I learnt about mental health. Before my anxiety developed I was quite critical of other managers I worked with when I was in that role. Many went off with stress and we used to complain about how they had very easy well established work areas to manage that pretty much ran themselves compared to those of us who were building new workstreams, training on things there were no processes (we had to research and write them), etc. Along with a few others, I was put onto the most complicated and strict work areas because of industry knowledge other managers didn't have plus my background gave me a leg up as I had worked my way up and many of the new managers were externally recruited hence we had to mentor them too on anything in the workstreams adding more pressure onto us.
Then one day I started with anxiety. My opinion changed overnight on this. Yes, I had very complex and stressful work areas but I realised that we all had our breaking points and it really doesn't matter how far you can go until you reach it, all that matters is what comes next. For some time I felt ashamed for harshly judging these people and assuming weakness (typical stigma) as now I understood what it was like to be living in fear of the most basic things in my day in absence of all the stress.
So, I try to apply this and remain as non judgemental as possible. I have probably two weaknesses in this 1) celebrities who harp on about their disorders which are often nothing compared to anything you read in a credible place like NMP and 2) "gurus" who are often charlatans and make science up and confuse people. But other than these 2 groups, I'm pretty non judgemental now because of sitting talking to fellow sufferers, places like this and learning about complicated intrusive thoughts in OCD that have themes that are less socially acceptable to the ignorant e.g. POCD.
I try to apply this to subjects like suicide. I believe suicide falls into different camps with the homicical ones being the rarest and possibly most complex form. I've read articles about how people can be totally lucid in their decision as well as those who are totally desperate and then there are the ones that are more a cry for help. People who want to do this, really just do it and make sure it is done. Those that are desperate but crying out for help are more likely to do it if there is a chance it won't work. This is just how I feel about what I believe are different forms it comes in.
But the one rule I apply to every single form of it is the rule I mentioned above and the rule I live by when it comes to any human behaviour - until you've lived it, how do you know? I'm not an expert, I'm not trained, I haven't had the benefit of expert experience and support to understand all these complex issues. I only know what I've learnt for myself from researching conditions and my own intuition. I can easily say I have to take this attitude with NMP and all it's members because who has ever lived all the experiences we bring as a collective?
So, I am non judgemental about the whole "is it selfish or not" issue because I know it will be a very complex subject that I have limited knowledge & understandfing of...I've not been there plus I don't have kids but I do have loved ones in my parents and brother, GF, etc. Before I learned what I do now, I would have certainly said selfish but now I know life is much more complex than I thought it was. I would certainly see it as a tragedy though.
There can also be issues of other more complex mental health conditions involved e.g. schizophrenia, psychosis, delusion, etc and these are obviously a very different thing and not a case for being selfish anyway.
It can be seen as selfish to leave loved ones behind but the person may even be thinking they would be better off. I've thought that one many times with my anxiety because of the strain I've put on others and how I felt ashamed or a burden,
It's a very complex issue. A case-by-case one perhaps. You could even apply taking a life to it as there are many levels to when someone does that e.g. soldiers do it through sanction but try explaining that to the loved ones of the fallen.
again, interesting views.
my only comment is, (going back to what I was saying earlier about people asking for help), is that- do you think that's why people are afraid to ask for help?. because it might be seen as a "cry for help", nothing more
I personally don't believe in cries for help.
suicide's a serious issue, and I think each case needs to be handled the same, as if it was a genuine issue for that individual.
I really think, now you posted your message, that's why people aren't always handled the best they could be when they come forward with their issues
MyNameIsTerry
04-11-15, 04:52
again, interesting views.
my only comment is, (going back to what I was saying earlier about people asking for help), is that- do you think that's why people are afraid to ask for help?. because it might be seen as a "cry for help", nothing more
I personally don't believe in cries for help.
suicide's a serious issue, and I think each case needs to be handled the same, as if it was a genuine issue for that individual.
I really think, now you posted your message, that's why people aren't always handled the best they could be when they come forward with their issues
Yes, I think so because mental health issues can feel like a failure. I know I've felt utterly worthless on many occasions. An example I can give is 2 people I have known, one a former best friend and another someone I worked with.
My best mate came home to find his wife in the bathtub (I won't say the rest). They hadn't been married long and there was no indication of any problems. She was luckily saved and obviously sectioned for a time. He was in bits but couldn't understand why she had done this. It turned out that she had buried herself in tons of debt before being married and kept up a facade to avoid telling people, including her grown up children. She was also a nurse. She knew when he would be coming home. So, this felt like the cry for help because she was able to come clean about all the debts which he then helped her to sort out. She obviously couldn't talk about it and I knew her too and saw no indication of anything other than a happy person. I don't believe she really wanted to die given the fact as a nurse she would know the method she chose wouldn't have been quick enough for the time she had.
The other guy who I worked with is different. He returned home to find his son had hung himself. His dad worked long shifts but he knew when he would be home. He chose a very swift method to do this. I don't see that as a cry for help as there was no possibility of saving him in that instance. He didn't leave any note either. To me this was someone who had truly made the decision. He dad had no idea. He had problems growing up and some experience with drugs from what I recall but there was obviously no possibility of expecting an action like this or there is no way he would have left him to go to work.
Thats why I feel some people are wanted to be saved for some reason and others are set on their course of action. "Cry for help" seems like a derogatory term though doesn't it really? Perhaps we shouldn't use it? Does it weaken their predicament?
I do also feel that thesedays people say quite strong things when they don't mean them because it's a norm and these people can add stigma. For instance, people are often seen saying "I'm starving" or "I'm dieing" when they are simply hungry or feel some pain. How many times have people said "I would kill myself" to something obviously trivial like being asked what would they do if X found out they had done something. They don't mean it in a strong context but there are some very emotional people who use it like that when there is no intention. I feel like people who really do feel this way may feel they will be viewed as attention sekking in that manner as opposed to being genuine.
I agree, it should be always considered as genuine.
I'm not sure what you mean by your final point? Do you mean they fear the stigma of people ignorant to the issues as I said I was before I suffered my anxiety?
Yes, I think so because mental health issues can feel like a failure. I know I've felt utterly worthless on many occasions. An example I can give is 2 people I have known, one a former best friend and another someone I worked with.
My best mate came home to find his wife in the bathtub (I won't say the rest). They hadn't been married long and there was no indication of any problems. She was luckily saved and obviously sectioned for a time. He was in bits but couldn't understand why she had done this. It turned out that she had buried herself in tons of debt before being married and kept up a facade to avoid telling people, including her grown up children. She was also a nurse. She knew when he would be coming home. So, this felt like the cry for help because she was able to come clean about all the debts which he then helped her to sort out. She obviously couldn't talk about it and I knew her too and saw no indication of anything other than a happy person. I don't believe she really wanted to die given the fact as a nurse she would know the method she chose wouldn't have been quick enough for the time she had.
The other guy who I worked with is different. He returned home to find his son had hung himself. His dad worked long shifts but he knew when he would be home. He chose a very swift method to do this. I don't see that as a cry for help as there was no possibility of saving him in that instance. He didn't leave any note either. To me this was someone who had truly made the decision. He dad had no idea. He had problems growing up and some experience with drugs from what I recall but there was obviously no possibility of expecting an action like this or there is no way he would have left him to go to work.
Thats why I feel some people are wanted to be saved for some reason and others are set on their course of action. "Cry for help" seems like a derogatory term though doesn't it really? Perhaps we shouldn't use it? Does it weaken their predicament?
I do also feel that thesedays people say quite strong things when they don't mean them because it's a norm and these people can add stigma. For instance, people are often seen saying "I'm starving" or "I'm dieing" when they are simply hungry or feel some pain. How many times have people said "I would kill myself" to something obviously trivial like being asked what would they do if X found out they had done something. They don't mean it in a strong context but there are some very emotional people who use it like that when there is no intention. I feel like people who really do feel this way may feel they will be viewed as attention sekking in that manner as opposed to being genuine.
I agree, it should be always considered as genuine.
I'm not sure what you mean by your final point? Do you mean they fear the stigma of people ignorant to the issues as I said I was before I suffered my anxiety?
i'm sorry about the people you knew.
it must be horrible to come home and see something like that.
fortunately, I've not had the experience (I think it would be a lot to handle), but I do remember when I was younger, I did witness someone die naturally (and that was difficult), seeing someone commit suicide I think would be 10 times worse than that.
---------- Post added at 11:15 ---------- Previous post was at 11:12 ----------
I think you're right about not using the term, " cry for help"
I think in sted, that people who want to be saved want to because they are afraid, or they have some anxiety about doing it (despite making their mind up about it, they still have some fear surrounding it)
MyNameIsTerry
05-11-15, 05:33
Thats ok, Emily, it was a long time ago now. I'm sorry for what you witnessed, that must have been very upsetting. :hugs:
Yes, I think you are right about them still having fear around it. They may still do it but I think they are not the same as the people who are set on that course who it may seem as a release to and way to end the pain.
In my really low moments or just from too much constant anxiety I have found myself having these thoughts consciously. I would be walking along a main A road saying "please let that lorry vere off and hit me". Later on when it passes you realise it was just desperation and you wouldn't think like that.
You mentioned how you didn't think the issue is taken seriously by the medical profession. It reminded me of this thread on the Misc board (don't anyone read this if a thread about a doctor being investigated for misconduct would be a trigger for you) :
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=159920
Clearly a desperate woman, but perhaps more desperate as we tend to be than someone set on the course? However, can you imagine that response to a more vulnerable person? That could have ended very differently. The worst part was how he couldn't even be bothered to turn up to his own hearing and they suspended him for 2 months! If that had been a physical illness it would have been a far different outcome.
Also, Ricardo & Elen's comments on P5 of this thread sprung to mind:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=170280&page=5
I've seen this on here too. Another member was sectioned and then just booted back out with no support and little follow up. I can't see how this does much for these people as they feel dumped.
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