MattH
26-02-13, 11:43
Hi all.
Im totally new to speaking about my anxiety to the world - feels a bit awkward, but here we go.....
I had a nervous breakdown due from emotional and physical exhaustion back in my early 20's. I was working for a cowboy outfit and due to inexperience and feeling the need to saying yes to anything I was asked I ended up very ill. At the time I was an outgoing and confident person, but the company took on a job in peterborough which was meant to take 2 weeks and ended up being 3 months. During this time I also ended up being on my own as the other engineer quit as he'd had enough of us being used. Over that period I began to feel permanatly knackered and had no will to be going out at the weekends (if I weren't working) or any will to be doing anything, just wanted to sleep and hide. The job then evolved into travelling all around the country and staying away from home for nights at a time. Over the coming months I began to steer clear from going out and eating or going clubbing due to this overwhelming fear and everything going weired. I had no idea what was happening to me, but kept plodding along, mucking on through.
It came to a head eventually and my girlfriend at the time noticed a massive change in me and I was ordered to go see docs...I was told I was having a breakdown and to take time off work and re-coup. I was also told that the symptoms I described when going for meals or out with friends etc....was panic attacks. I took one week off which was nice, but in hindsight wasn't anywhere near long enough. Anyway I was eventually made redundant.
Since then (12 years) I have suffered panic attacks in all sorts of situations (work, travelling, social events)
I've only been on 2 holidays in UK in 12 years due to fear of having a panic attack away from home and don't like to travel away anywhere unless im driving and even then I feel really anxious.
Work is probably the worst of my problems as its pressured and a lot of people need me to sort their problems (im in IT) - somedays I get so anxious and panicky I can't do the job properly or just want to get out of their and feel normal. Half the problem I think is that I don't have an interest in it, and I kinda fell into IT leaving school and have done it ever since. This also leads to depression and feeling trapped as I don't want to be doing it anymore, yet I have to go in and work to pay the bills etc....:weep:
I am working on changing careers, but this will be a long process and so im kinda stuck in a rut and finding it really tough going.
I know im not the only person in this situation, loads of people everyday are in jobs they hate, but I still feel so lonely and just totally anxious and depressed. :weep:
Although she won't ever see this, I would like to thank my wife to be as she is a great support and encourages me to do things I otherwise wouldn't. :bighug1:
Anyway - thats a very rough guide to me :yesyes:
Im totally new to speaking about my anxiety to the world - feels a bit awkward, but here we go.....
I had a nervous breakdown due from emotional and physical exhaustion back in my early 20's. I was working for a cowboy outfit and due to inexperience and feeling the need to saying yes to anything I was asked I ended up very ill. At the time I was an outgoing and confident person, but the company took on a job in peterborough which was meant to take 2 weeks and ended up being 3 months. During this time I also ended up being on my own as the other engineer quit as he'd had enough of us being used. Over that period I began to feel permanatly knackered and had no will to be going out at the weekends (if I weren't working) or any will to be doing anything, just wanted to sleep and hide. The job then evolved into travelling all around the country and staying away from home for nights at a time. Over the coming months I began to steer clear from going out and eating or going clubbing due to this overwhelming fear and everything going weired. I had no idea what was happening to me, but kept plodding along, mucking on through.
It came to a head eventually and my girlfriend at the time noticed a massive change in me and I was ordered to go see docs...I was told I was having a breakdown and to take time off work and re-coup. I was also told that the symptoms I described when going for meals or out with friends etc....was panic attacks. I took one week off which was nice, but in hindsight wasn't anywhere near long enough. Anyway I was eventually made redundant.
Since then (12 years) I have suffered panic attacks in all sorts of situations (work, travelling, social events)
I've only been on 2 holidays in UK in 12 years due to fear of having a panic attack away from home and don't like to travel away anywhere unless im driving and even then I feel really anxious.
Work is probably the worst of my problems as its pressured and a lot of people need me to sort their problems (im in IT) - somedays I get so anxious and panicky I can't do the job properly or just want to get out of their and feel normal. Half the problem I think is that I don't have an interest in it, and I kinda fell into IT leaving school and have done it ever since. This also leads to depression and feeling trapped as I don't want to be doing it anymore, yet I have to go in and work to pay the bills etc....:weep:
I am working on changing careers, but this will be a long process and so im kinda stuck in a rut and finding it really tough going.
I know im not the only person in this situation, loads of people everyday are in jobs they hate, but I still feel so lonely and just totally anxious and depressed. :weep:
Although she won't ever see this, I would like to thank my wife to be as she is a great support and encourages me to do things I otherwise wouldn't. :bighug1:
Anyway - thats a very rough guide to me :yesyes: