Outcome of bullying meeting at work!

[Hayley1982]

Yesterday at work had a meeting at work with my personnel manager and department manager, basically thay asked me how I'm guna resolve it I said think we need a meeting with the bully to which thay said we will ask him about a meeting but if he doesn't think there's a problem he doesn't have to come. I think it's disgusting I'm soo stressed I've gone to the doctors and I've been signed off for 10 days with work stress. Does anyone know where I stand? I feel extremely low right now. Xx

[Annie0904]

have a look at this website and call the number, they will advise you. :hugs::hugs::hugs: xx

---------- Post added at 15:47 ---------- Previous post was at 15:47 ----------

http://www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1461

[Hayley1982]

I feel bit nervous about ringing xx

[lulu84]

hi hayley,

i have been in a similar situation to you bullying at work. Its horrible, i trigged anxiety and depression for me.

Anyway I would of said that the employer has a duty of care for the wellbeing of their staff and if he refuses to attend a meeting then ask them what other options you have. Ask what they can do as an employer as the next stage to help resolve the problem. I take you have put in a grievance ? there should be a company document on the grievance procedure - have you seen it?

If they fail to take action that is a big problem- for them.

Lulu84

[Speranza]

hi hayley,

i have been in a similar situation to you bullying at work. Its horrible, i trigged anxiety and depression for me.

I take you have put in a grievance ? there should be a company document on the grievance procedure - have you seen it?

If they fail to take action that is a big problem- for them.

Lulu84

What Lulu said. I'm currently off with anxiety/stress and on ADs for the first time in my life. I put in a grievance over 2 months ago which was never addressed (this isn't legal) and I warned them how stressed I was. I hung in for another two weeks and then went off sick. As far as I am concerned it is their problem. Always involve your union if you are in one. Make sure you have put in a grievance - the ACAS site will be enormously helpful. My own situation has become a vicious circle but that isn't my fault and it's not my responsibility to sort out - and nor is your situation your fault. What they said to you was unprofessional and did not reflect an appropriate attitude to their Duty of Care.
If you feel guilty about taking the time off, remind yourself that if they had acted appropriately, you might be over the problem by now. They are reaping what they have sown. Hang in there.

[flori]

I have never experienced bullying in the workplace ,personally. But I know of people who have.
HR do need to act on a complaint, but at the end of the day, it`s down to witnesses.

Haley, did you have anyone who witnessed the bullying, who is prepared to back you up ?

[AnxietyGirl87]

I don't know if you have already done this but when I was being bullied at work I kept a diary of every event that happened, each time someone said/did something to me and then once I had quite a few things written down I produced this at a meeting with my HR department. I would definitely make sure you write everything down. I ended up having to leave the company because of it but I hired a Solicitor and she dealt with it all for me. The most important thing is to keep on at your HR department because that is what they are there for, and also do try and speak to someone from ACAS they are so helpful and really nice people to talk to. Hope this helps x

[Col]

Hi Hayley,

I think you've posted about this issue before...... If so, CAN NOT believe its still going on and I CAN NOT believe your managers reaction. How bloody lame!!!

What is it.... Is the manager best friends with 'the bully' OR are they a firm that excepts bullying under the slogan - bravado ???? And therfore you obviously can't take a joke ( in their eyes )or harmless fun????

LOOK U NEED TO TAKE TIME OFF AS ADVISED BY YOUR GP & anyway u can..... YOU REALLY NEED TO HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO SAY DIRECTLY - YOU WILL NOT TOLERATE BEING TREAT LIKE THIS AND YOUR INTENTIONS TO REMAIN OFF AND TAKE THIS FUTHER!

Keep a diary or incidents and your efforts to speak with the management and if u can try and get a witness.

Good luck

[DreamingAwake]

Yesterday at work had a meeting at work with my personnel manager and department manager, basically thay asked me how I'm guna resolve it I said think we need a meeting with the bully to which thay said we will ask him about a meeting but if he doesn't think there's a problem he doesn't have to come. I think it's disgusting I'm soo stressed I've gone to the doctors and I've been signed off for 10 days with work stress. Does anyone know where I stand? I feel extremely low right now. Xx

First off I'm sure that apart from feeling low you must be feeling quite angry. Injustice is not an easy pill to swallow am I right? Now.. Managers are a funny bunch as they have a tendency to do only what they are "authorized" to do and will try not to get involved(typical male). Another tendency typical of all males is to stick together out of fear. So.. ok then. We can't hate people for their infantile habits and we certainly can't cure nasty with nasty. But... have you ever heard the phrase: smother with kindness? Hm? There is nothing worse for a man's ego than an enemy who doesn't fight back or retreats completely, grinning all the while. He's probably more afraid of you than the contrary and probably feels threatened by you.
I have no doubt you love your work. So work hard and make sure that no blame can come to you. keep a diary or notepad and make sure he sees you using it every time he gives you trouble. Stick to the facts. Men are defenseless against hard facts and a woman with a pen to take them down.
So... Hayley. Get thou a tub of finest ice cream or frozen yoghurt(whatever your fancy), maybe a good bottle of wine, phone a friend, go shopping and enjoy(just don't overdo it) the remainder of your leave.

[Notlrac87]

I don't know whether I'll be backed up with this but why don't you try learning a martial art....

Now don't take this the wrong way I'm not saying learn then confront and get the sack. More to the point of knowing self defence and the learning experience builds massive amounts of confidence.

I would suggest ju jitsu meaning the gentle or yielding art it focuses on the attackers force being greater than yours and using that against them.

I MUST STRESS I am NOT suggesting you get to a certain grade or belt then go into work exacting your revenge on those that have wronged you by breaking any bone in their body with a simple but effective lock or strike. But instead to have a new skill and to gain self confidence..... personal note its helping me stand up for myself just in my body language and I've never laid a finger on anyone outside the dojo. Best of luck