Feel like no one can help.....

[Violet1]

Hi, I'm 33 with 4 kids. I am happy with my life, apart from I have health anxiety, not all the time maybe twice a year I go though a real meltdown convinced I have some sort of cancer, and end up going for and normally paying to go privately for tests costing £100's, money i dont have! I do go on the health anxiety forum. I am ok with that at the minute. My other problem is I worry a lot, not like 'normal' people. I am terribly negative and always think the worst. For example my 10 year old son has gone on a school trip Monday to Friday, we don't have any contact and I am freaking out big time. He went yesterday and I'm in constant tears, panicking, all sorts of terrible things going through my head. I'm so worried about him. Not sure how I will get through next few days :-(
When I am fine, life going well, kids and husband ok and I'm ok, my worries don't leave me totally, although the majority of the time I'm fine. For example, say I see an ambulance with sirens on, I look at it and have a moment of total panic, stomach churning etc...if it is going in the direction of say the kids school. I know this sounds crazy, and I won't tell anyone about that as they will think I'm mad! My husband knows what I'm like and gets frustrated with me thinking this way, and says 'don't think like that' etc.... Obviously if I could do that I would, I hate being like this. But I have thought like this I would say the last 20 years, how can you change the way your brain thinks?! I have been to the doctor about this, he have me a month of citiopham (not sure if spelling!) which I'm too 'worried' to take because of side effects! I also had 3 sessions of cbt on the phone which was rubbish. Is it likely this will be how I'll be forever? Will I 'grow' out of it? Any advice would be great.

[Annie0904]

Violet you sound so much like me! When my son was 16 he went to France for a week and I spent the whole week in bed with high anxiety and panic attacks! I am the same if I see an ambulance or a fire engine. I think you should at least try the medication. 3 sessions of telephone cbt is not enough to help. Would your doctor be able to refer you to see a therapist. There is also a link to CBT4 Panic on this site that you could try. I will look for the link for you. x

---------- Post added at 08:57 ---------- Previous post was at 08:56 ----------

http://ct-online-info.com

[Violet1]

Thank you Annie. A week in France!!!!! that scares me, I totally understand how you felt.

Got through another night, just phoned school for any updates and there are not any. Maybe this will be good for me in the long run.

I do want to go to the doctors, but was so hard to pluck up the courage the first time. I will try and sort that out too. Thank you for the link, will have a look now

[Annie0904]

My son lives a 70 minute drive from me now and my therapist has challenged me not to look at his twitter or facebook feeds, not to call him or anyone else to see if they have heard from him for a week...very hard :scared15:

[Violet1]

Oh bless you that must be hard once they grow up. You are doing really well though. I have read, that sometimes you need to be put in these situations, so that at the end of it you realise everything was ok and that in future you will remember that all turned out ok and can deal with it better. Is this the idea of your therapist? See thats what i'm thinking for me. When he was 5 and would go on a school trip I wouldn't volunteer to go so I was with him. Once he went to a soccer school for the day and I was petrified leaving him on his own, I went and spyed on him. All sounds quite funny but was awful for me at the time. However now I have got over him going on school trips (only for 1 day!!) and am ok with it, and I wonder if that is the same thinking as what your therapist is saying.

[Annie0904]

yes Violet that is what my therapist is saying...now I just have to be strong to do it :D

[Violet1]

Good luck stay strong :) I really should follow my own advice too!!!

[Annie0904]

That's me...good at giving advise to others but can't listen to myself :D