Christifeelscrazy
27-02-13, 09:45
When my anxiety get bad, and I take it out on other people, and just get in a terrible mood, I look at myself in the mirror and think, how much easier it would be without me, for everyone. I don't want to die, I don't want to kill myself, but I can't stand being like this. Every minute of every day I have this devil on my back, constant symptoms, constant worry, worry that no one in my family understands, I was woken after 4 hours sleep last night, and just flew off on one, I have cfs, panic attacks, constant back shoulder and neck pain, headaches, breathlessness, dizziness, IBS, pain after eating and constant worry, and I just can't deal with it, no one seems to understand that it's actually an illness, I feel so alone, and worst still in a few hours I have to go home, with no internet, no support from you guys, who are the only people that have made me feel remotely normal in years, I smiled for the first time in god knows how long last night, I feel so at home, like I'm not judged or just looked at as being mardy, I just have no clue how to deal with all of this. I've been heavily depressed as a teenager, and self harmed, I have scars all over my body, and I don't want to go back to that, it scares me that I have no way of dealing with this, I just don't know what to do, anything would be appreciated, thanks for reading.
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Christi
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Christi