New here and feeling a bit of a mess...

[Slumbermonkey]

I am currently signed off work with depression and anxiety (my second bout in 18 months). Am devastated to be at this point again having beaten it before. This time I feel such a mess. I had been taking Citralopram for a long time but gradually symptoms returned. Debilitating anxiety, low mood, sleep disturbances. I felt I couldn't carry on. Went to Dr (not usual one) who signed me off and gave me tablets to help me sleep. Ended up taking too many of these, something I have never done before and find it a very scary thought that I did this. Husband took me to A & E because he was so worried. Stopped taking those, went back to Drs and given an alternative. Thankfully took this as intended and they helped me a bit. Eventually got in to see my regular Dr who is lovely. Was decided to come off Citralopram and go onto Mitrazapine. However, had a really bad reaction to these, felt like a zombie and bleak thoughts returned (keep thinking about all the tablets I have and ways I could take them). I hate this, it's not me! Rang Drs who advised me to stop taking them straight away so have been a couple of days with nothing. Feel really crap. Lots of anxiety and feel so low. Have an appointment with Drs later so hopefully will find a way through but just had a phone call from work ( supportive but OH will be in touch) and am worrying again. Feel an absolute mess.

[nomorepanic]

Hi Slumbermonkey

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[Mark13]

Hi. I'm sure you'll be glad you joined. There's plenty of advice and support here. You're not alone. All the best.

[Catherine84]

Hello Slumbermonkey and :welcome:
I really can empathise with what you are going through at the moment - I too have been signed off work the last week with panic attacks, anxiety and depression, and like you it is not the first time (I was off for three months back in 2010 with various physical symptoms, which could well have been due to the stress I was under). Since then, I felt like I was beginning to beat it (I had low points, but was able to function reasonably normally, and I know how upsetting it is to feel like it is beginning to take a hold on you again).

I have also been to the doctors and have had all sorts of medication thrown at me, including sleeping tablets (which I have been too scared to take), but I have tried diazepam (which have also made me feel very spaced out and almost 'not there'), to control the anxiety until I feel I can tackle it by myself which I ultimately want to do (of course, this is much easier said than done, and it is all too easy to feel like it is an uphill struggle).

Mark is right - this forum is a good place to be - I have met some very friendly and supportive people in the short time I have been here, and you most certainly are not alone :hugs:

I really hope you begin to feel better soon - feel free to send a message if you need a chat :)

We can beat this :)

Take care,
Catherine x

[Baggs]

Welcome to the site. I hope you find as much help as I have. I wish you all the best.

Baggs

[Sunshine77]

Hi Slumbermonkey, welcome to the forum :welcome:

You are most certainly not alone. I for one have been exactly where you are now. There is light at the end of the tunnel, I promise you, even if you can't see it yet. Hope your doctors appointment went well and they're able to find a medication that suits you. Try not to dwell on work, it's easier said than done I know - but remember YOUR HEALTH COMES FIRST!!

Catherine - what are your sleeping tablets? I was prescribed Zopiclone 3.75mg and told to take them for 3-4 consecutive nights in order to "re-set" my sleeping pattern. I was too scared initially to take them more than 1 night on the run but eventually gave in, did 4 nights and do you know what, it worked, I was amazed! I honestly thought that if I took them for 4 days then on the 5th I would be unable to sleep without them but if anything the opposite was true.

Take care all x

[Arnie365]

Welcome slumbermonkey. Sorry you are going through this again. Hopefully you will get all the support you need here and can overcome it this time around.

[Slumbermonkey]

Thanks for all the replies. Doctors appointment went well. She is very supportive. I think I am finally accepting that I am ill and that I will get better. I have started some new tablets today. I have spent so much time worrying about being ill that I am exhausted, even though I am signed off work. Think acceptance is the way forward. You have all been very kind x

[Catherine84]

Hi Slumbermonkey,

Glad to hear that your appointment went well and that you have an understanding doctor. Hope the tablets work for you. Sunshine77 is right, your health is the most important thing. I too have worried about how I am going to explain myself when my boss next speaks to me, but she has always been understanding in the past, so I'm sure it is just my usual worrying self! As others have said, we are also here for support when you need it :hugs:

Sunshine77, I am on exactly the same medication as you (Zopiclone 3.75mg - I have a course of 7 tablets, and have been told to omit each third day). Like you, I think a lot of my fear came from the fact I was worried that if I started to take them, my insomnia would become worse when I came off them (also being an anxious person, I had done my usual trick of trying to find every horror story/bad side effect on the internet, but of course if they were that dangerous, they wouldn't be so readily prescribed!). I am glad they worked for you and it has given me a lot of reassurance :)

All the best,
Catherine x

[Sunshine77]

Hi Slumbermonkey,

Great to hear that you are accepting that you are not well and need to put your health first. It took me a while! Even though I was signed off I kept telling myself that I could pull myself together and get on with it. I have always been a "fighter" but by fighting my body's warning signs for months I ultimately made myself sicker. Eventually I was just too exhausted and frightened to fight any more and now I feel as if I've learnt from the whole experience: I am not my job. I am not my responsibilities. I am more than Employee, Wife, Daughter, Friend, etc.... and I need to put myself first. And so do you! :hugs:

Take good care & keep posting x

---------- Post added at 22:54 ---------- Previous post was at 22:51 ----------

Catherine - glad I could help. Again with the Zopiclone I fought against taking them until I was so exhausted I would've sold my soul for a good night's sleep! It's done me no harm, I haven't taken one for a couple of weeks now and am sleeping ok.

My dad, who has a more severe version of my illness, is on 2 x 7.5mg tablets nightly - so that puts our 3.75mg into perspective!!! :hugs: